Thursday, November 30, 2006

Surprise Me God #4

It's strange waking up and saying "Surprise Me God." It's taking a lot of something on my part to say it. Why? Am I sure that I want God to surprise me? Am I sure I can handle what He sends my way?

Today was busy again at work. I'm grateful my nurse was there. She got to handle the hardest case. I'm so glad I wasn't alone or I'd have had to call for reinforcements! Really.

Surprise! I had a check I needed to cash so I could put gas in the van. The bank was closed before we got there and the drive through is for members only. Oops. Guess that means we're not picking up Talia's instrument either?

God is good. The place that fixed Talia's instrument took the check and gave me the difference between the payment and the check amount. Thank you!

Gas in the van. Food in the kids stomachs.

Surprise! Flat as we're pulling into the church parking lot. Yes, I knew I needed a tire. I am so grateful to God that it went flat as we were pulling into the parking lot rather than on Hwy 98 or Blue Angel Parkway or Navy Blvd or Garden Street. I have a spare and it can be fixed enough until I get to Wally World in the morning.

I must continue my evening. I have a PRISM meeting. I really need to pay more attention to what's going on and the rules. I'd definitely be losing more weight. *sigh*

Thank you God for surprises and little blessings!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Surprise Me God #3

Surprise Me God!

Last night, we went to prayer meeting at church last night. It was amazing. God showed up in an amazing way. At the end of the prayer, we prayed over the kids. WOW!!! God is so good.

My nurse is at school today! Yah!

Our guidance secretary brought in the most beautiful poinsettas for everyone in the office today.

It was a good day all the way around today. I managed to get the largest part of 212 Christmas cards started. That would be the snowmen and the coloring.

This afternoon, I got the word portion stamped. Tomorrow, I'll start assembling them with the patterned papers.

Also, God blessed us again this evening. I've been worried about Christmas gifts for the kids. They were put on the Angel Tree at church today.

God thank you for your goodness.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Surprise Me God! #2

My day yesterday was different. God surprised me in many ways. Not all of them the best but hey, He didn't say my walk with Him would be a picnic.

In fact, He said "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Note: This wasn't the scripture I was looking for but it sure must be the one I needed!

Talia's clarinet needed work so we took it in for repairs. I nearly fell over when they gave me the cost. *thud* Of course, they don't take payments but it was worth asking just in case!

Today, I gave my next door neighbor a ride to the courthouse so the court could take his deposition in the case against my former neighbor who was breaking into my house.

Surprise me God?

First surprise? No nurse again today. She had a meeting all day.

Second surprise? My first customer of the day wasn't even a kid, it was a teacher! He had cut himself shaving and needed help to get it to stop. He said he had had tissue on it for quite a while and it still wouldn't stop bleeding. I offered him a bit of vaseline hoping it would seal it and he asked if I'd put it on for him. I ended up also cutting a full size bandaid down to size to cover it. Made me laugh early!

Third surprise? The clinic wasn't as busy as yesterday. Thank goodness. I think the thing that amazes me the most is the kids who were truly sick were back again today. Kids who were puking yesterday and had fevers were back!! They hadn't had time to get well and were back spreading whatever they had. ewww!

I did manage to get some images stamped so I can color them for my Christmas cards. I had intended to do cards with a Nativity silhoutte but they didn't turn out quite like I wanted. I ended up playing with my nurse's snowman stamps she bought from me and boy are the cards cute! I plan on making at least 150. The first 40 are done. I have the images for 120 more stamped. Just need to color them, cut the layering papers and ribbon, then put them together.

Today, I am grateful for my children, a job, a van to drive, a roof over my head (although I still need another roof), the rain to come (did I say I love the rain?). I am grateful for a wonderful church family who bless me coming and going. And I am so very grateful for a God who loves me even when I'm screwing up and missing the mark.

I just realized today that I posted the "Help Me God" post on my Daddy's birthday. He would have been 67 years old on the 19th. With all the things that was wrong with our relationship, there were still good things I miss. I miss you Daddy.

I pray that my children don't one day have a post like that in reference to their Dad. They have not seen him since July 2001. Skif acts like it doesn't bother him and Talia, well Talia, I find notes here and there saying "I miss you Dad and I hope to see you soon. I love you Dad. You're the best."

Lord, protect their hearts.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Surprise Me God!

yes, I uttered those words today.

Surprised I was. 70 kids in the clinic today. Line list as well.

I was listening to our worship team on the cd player trying to stay focused on God in the in between times. It can sometimes be hard.

Around 1 p.m. one of the student assistants walked in and handed me a book from

I didn't order anything from amazon!

LizzieJoy, you so blessed my socks off today. I was frustrated with the volume of kids I had sitting in the clinic and in walked a gift from you. God must have known I would need me a pick me and chose you to send it. Thank you so very much. I don't think you'll ever know how much I appreciate that book.

I wanted to use the book with our small group as a way to prepare journals that would mean something to each lady when they picked it up or saw it sitting on a table.

I had lost track of your blog and now have it again as well. *hugs* to you! Deb

Sunday, November 26, 2006


Thanksgiving was good. We spent it at my mother's. Pretty much everything was cooked before we got there and a little reheating needed.

Two of my sisters, one brother, one brother-in-law, and 2 nephews along with my Mom, her husband, myself, Talia and Skif.

It was really good to see my brother. I've now seen him twice in one week. That's more than I've seen him in the previous 6 months!!!

We got to play a few rounds of 313. And much talking going on.

Afterwards, my sister went to my brother's to pick up some slides and a slide projector that had belonged to my Daddy.

We spent about 4 hours going through all the slides. It was good to see these pictures. After my Daddy passed away, a lot of things like pictures seemed to have vanished. Most of the slides were from 81-early 83. There were pictures of my Pass-In-Review from bootcamp. Pictures of my first ex and I out shooting skeet. I was about the size of a pencil back then. There were also pictures of when I was a year old and my parents lived upstairs from the funeral home that my Dad worked in.

I told a friend about the pictures on Friday and she asked if I had gotten prayer for that. I said what? I never thought about the fact we lived above a funeral home for a couple years after I was born. Maybe it is something I need to look into. She also asked if my Dad was bi-polar. I have no idea. I know he was never the same man after my uncle was shot and killed in 1979.

Things to think on and pray over.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

God, this is me. I need help. This spiritual battle is over my head. This home is over my head. My family is over my head. Help.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Found out why my head was spinning the last couple days. A good case of vertigo will do wonders for your perspective!

Church was good this morning. The series title is Kairos.

The average person lives 77 years. 924 months. 4004 weeks. 28105 days. 674520 hours. 40471200 minutes. 242827200 seconds. Time is ticking.

Why am I doing what I'm doing? Who am I becoming?

Pastor used the illustration of juggling. What am I juggling? Are they things that make a difference? Is my schedule full or fulfilling?

I believe I am making a difference but I also see my schedule as full and a lot does not point towards eternity.

He talked of giving my "priorities" the test. The eternity test. The funeral test. The fire test.

Does what I'm doing have a lasting importance? Will someone cry at my funeral? Did I make a difference in anyone's life? What would I take in a fire? What do I consider important enough to take with me and what would I leave behind?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:28-33

Time is a value issue.

Anyway, it was good and I'm hearing it a second time right now. It makes me think. Makes me wonder what changes I can make in my life.

Friday, November 10, 2006


I'm done playing for now. I wanted to test the blogger beta features. I like that you can now play with the template while looking at it. Most of mine, I added html rather than use the link features. That way I could get it to read the way I wanted.

I haven't figured out how to add images and get rid of the header. For now, this will have to do.

I'm sitting at church. In the process of rearranging the bookstore and doing some children's stuff.

I'm also listening to the recording of our night worship that was held on Friday the 13th. I could listen to the song "The Stand" for hours. Wait! I've been doing that!

My van is in for repairs today. The check engine light came on Tuesday morning. I stopped by the mechanic yesterday and they hooked it up to the little diagnostic machine. It's a "743" error, a torque converter problem. I have no idea the cost but I'm praying it's not going to break me.

When I got out of bed this morning, I nearly fell. It appears that I have an inner ear infection or something that has my equilibrium off. If it gets any worse, I'm going to have to go to the doctor.

Today is the Blue Angel airshow. We live right off the main traffic path for the show. Can you say no going home until late this evening? Tomorrow is a repeat performance.

Skif is playing in the All Star game tomorrow night. I took him to practice on Wednesday night. Talked to the coach for a few minutes after practice. He seemed surprised when told this was Skif's first year of playing basketball on a team.

Talia gets to go to the Barlow Girl concert tonight. She's so excited! Yah! She gets cuter by the day.

Both Skif and Talia gave me their Christmas lists yesterday. I told them to be realistic. Maybe not the best thing to tell a kid but they know the real deal now.

Skif wants Legos, a skateboard, a scooter, the Star Wars II game for GameCube, and money. Talia wants earrings, a purse (but not too girly!), a skateboard, a Barlow Girl cd, and money. That gives me something to work toward for the next few weeks leading up to Christmas.

Talia is going to be in the Christmas drama at church. She gets to cop an attitude for her part. Oh boy!

Outta here and back to work for now. Kids are hungry too. (Like that's a surprise!)

Sunday, November 05, 2006

revelation and failure

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about Thanksgiving and people from the past.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting thinking about my testimony when suddenly I realized...

Did anyone know I was married when I was stationed in Pensacola the first time? Did my behavior reflect I was married? Or was I too worried about being popular, drinking and hanging out to act married?

Yes, the latter would be the correct answer. For the first time in my life, I was somebody (in my own mind). I had male friends who actually wanted my company. And I, theirs.

I was pretty after having been the ugly duckling the whole time I was in high school. I can look back now at the pictures from school and see that I wasn't ugly but back then, the words had much more power than they do now.

My husband at the time was stationed in Orlando. I think we saw each other 3 times after we married. We never did live together and I think the thing that hurt the most was having extra money in my check and wanting to go see him. He on the other hand was too busy for me. The only thing he wanted was $150 a month to help pay his car payment that he had been paying before he met me.

It sort of warped my behavior even further. I became much more the party animal. I began dating. Of course, now, looking back those were affairs. And in my mind that far back, I had done nothing wrong.

My divorce was filed for in August of that year and not final until February of the next year.

I am amazed that it took me 24 years to realize just how screwed up my perspective of marriage and life was.

God took a small window of reflection to give me a revelation. I can only at this point pray for forgiveness from God and take it for a lesson learned.

Somehow, the song "Stand in the Rain" by Superchic(k) is so appropriate. I am so afraid to slow down that the past will come rushing up and call to account all the things I've done or that my thoughts will take me to ground I'm not ready to cover yet... or rather uncover.

She never slows down
She doesn’t know why
but she knows that
When she’s all alone
it feels like its all coming down

She won’t turn around
The shadows grow long
and she fears
If she cries that first tear
the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
if she stands she’ll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She’s running from
wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

I too know the feeling that if I start crying, the tears may never cease. Sometimes, I can feel them and it's a battle to keep them back.

Why? Talia and Skif. Control. The fear of falling apart and being unfit.

Then other days... I wake up singing...

You stood before creation
Eternity in Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart
O God Completely to You

I walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One
who gave it all

So I'll stand my soul
Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Because I know that His sacrifice and His forgiveness is so much bigger than anything I've done. All I must do is let it go and give it to Him.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

It's a process. I'm walking it out and it's tough.

Friday, November 03, 2006


No house. 13.44% wasn't acceptable. It won't appraise without the roof being fixed.

I really feel God gave me an out. No matter how much I loved the house, it wasn't worth the pain my head had been in since I submitted the loan papers and contract.

The day I submitted the papers (I think the 11th), I started clenching my jaw without realizing it. By the end of Friday, my head was screaming. I had the worse headache I think I have ever had in my life.

This continued all the way up until Monday of this week when I requested the mortgage broker to tear up the loan application.

Where will we live? I have no idea. For now, we are staying where we are. I believe God will open a door to the right house with the right financing.

As for other things, Skif was asked to play on the All-Star team for basketball next weekend. He's excited. The coach choses two 8th-grade students from his team to send. I need to make sure Skif shares the news with a couple of his mentors here.

Talia brought me a magazine that she says she "wants to share" with some friends who want to be cheerleaders. The magazine? Cheerleader magazine. *thud* I actually think she wants it. We'll see.

My mind has been full of ideas lately. God gave me a beautiful image to use with Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." I just have to figure out how to get the picture from one dimensional to three dimensional. I can see it plan as day.

He also gave me a wonderful image of Romans 12:1-2, "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." It's a wall hanging with the scripture written out on vellum. Behind the vellum is the earth (made from cardstock) and a city skyline. Both are mounted onto scrapbooking paper. I printed the word "Changed" in all capital letters onto blue cardstock and cut it out to mount on top of the vellum. It turned out so cool. I have had 2 requests for duplicates (for a total of 3). I'm excited!

The church is having an "Open Mic" night. They are also going to have tables for people to display their work on. I'm going to display the pieces I have done right now along with some cards and stuff.

Maybe in December, I'll do the NC craft show. I've not decided yet.

Well, I must go. I have to finish working CR. Later.

Edited to add: I converted to Blogger Beta tonight too! I figure after dumping 3 years worth of blog, I may as well go for the gusto! LOL