Sunday, January 27, 2008

prayer and stuff....

Hostrocket is the bomb-diggity. I couldn't get into my heartrunes account over there and they did a great job of getting me hooked back up with it and it took very little time. So I'll be updating my about me page soon (about time).

Please be in prayer for my brother. He recieved orders to Iraq. He's supposed to leave on 31 March for training and then to Iraq. He's supposed to be gone for 311 days total. His significant other is not taking it well. She is talking possibly moving back to this area. If he picks up warrant officer in February he won't go. Otherwise, he'll be doing counter IED work. I don't understand this as he's a cryppie.


Friday, January 25, 2008


new things. Just signed up for MyBlogLog. I'll see what that's all about.

Past time for me to update my about me page. I'm 4 years older than it says. Ooops! Just have to find somewhere to host it as I've forgotten my passwords for hostrocket.

Might add a couple links to other places I belong to but not sure yet. Requires more thought and time than I'm willing to put in tonight.

Later gators.

Monday, January 21, 2008


week. Work was slower than usual. Thank goodness. FCATs are coming up in a few weeks and things will be slower then. While I'm not fond of FCATs, I do enjoy the quiet.

Breezy and I have had our go arounds this week. Hearing her tell me to "shut my mouth" was one of the highlights. It took a lot of restraint not to hit her. She ended up grounded. When she apologized she told me she understood that she still could not go to the birthday party that was being held on Sunday. However, when Sunday rolled around, it got ugly. From "I hate my life" to "you hate me" were things I heard. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't listen to a lot and finally I gave up and walked out of her room. About an hour later, she came out of her room and apologized. She climbed in my lap and we talked for 20 minutes or so. I talked to her about punishment and how it isn't right for me to let her do everything she wants to. I talked to her about responsibilities and the differences in how I grew up and how she is being raised. The difference between being grounded and being beaten. The differences of growing up with alcoholism and carrying more responsibility than a child should have to carry. I think we made some headway. Time will tell.

Breezy has band practice today.

Chaz has a soccer game in Niceville. I can't say that I'm particularly happy about the soccer season. I've seen more poor sportsmanship and lack of respect than I've ever seen on a playing field. From the player who stood beside Chaz on the field and called him "fag" the entire game to the junior varsity players on a different team sitting in the bleachers yelling "wanker" at the referees. Players from our own team acting like jerks when they ate out while on the road and acting so badly that the school was called and a complaint filed. The results of the complaint is that the boys can no longer eat out when they are on the road. Then there was the player who put plastic in the tail pipe of the bus as he came off the bus. I saw 7 yellow cards fly at the last game. There were actually punches thrown on the field and yellow cards given. The players who were yellow carded played the second half of the game. Hello? What happened to accountability? I'm at a loss as how to handle what I've seen occur this season. Chaz on the other hand is optimistic of the things to come next season. My hope and prayer is for accountability for both the players and coaches, better coaching, and better refereeing.

Anyway, gotta go for now.

Monday, January 07, 2008

imagine my surprise...

when I turned on my computer and discovered someone around me has wireless that is accessible!!!! Yahoo! I'm not sure if I'll use it much but hey, for tonight it was a wonderful surprise.

I told my friend and her fiancee that I couldn't be a bridesmaid yesterday. They both took it well. They had decided to pay for the gown for me to be in it and she apologized about the tattoo thing. It made me feel better to know that they wanted me but I still know that I need to step back. I can do something perpherially, like make the invitations (which has been on her mind) and possibly necklaces/earrings for the wedding party. Am I crazy?

Tomorrow night is 80's night for the youth. Breezy is all excited. She's going to wear her skinny legged jeans with leg warmers and who knows what shirt. I got her some black eye liner and blue eye shadow to try as well. I told her not to get used to it because it would be a few and far between thing.

Chaz won't be there. He has a soccer game and I'll be at that as well. I think the season ends next week and I can't say that I'm sorry. It's been an interesting season. I hope and pray next year's season will be better.
Both the kids signed up for volleyball at church. Now whether or not they are on the same team is yet to be seen. I hope they are. It will make games/practices better.
Last week was another milestone for me. It's been 3 years since I had my last drink. A 1/2 glass of red wine. Red wine has never been my favorite so it was no loss. And before that it was a 1/4 beer in June 2004. Somedays I think, man, a beer looks good and then I think, shy on earth do I need alcohol at this point? I'll abstain. The kids and I do drink sparkling cider on special occasions though. :o)
Well, let's see if this thing will let me post. The connection is "very low."

Saturday, January 05, 2008


This morning I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. As I sent a small prayer heavenward, I had to stop and think "what is my ulterior motive if I say no to being in my friend's wedding?"

I was surprised to have been asked to be in her wedding in the first place. I consider us friends but didn't realize that she considered me close enough to be a bridesmaid.

All this time, I've been listening to the wedding plans and trying to figure out where all the money I'll need will be coming from. The $170 for the dress and then I'll need the associated undergarments because nothing I own will work with the dress. The fittings. The dress I'll need for the rehearsal dinner/masquerade party the night before. The hotel for a couple days. And the expenses keep piling up. And then, where do I leave the kids? Is it right to bail on them the weekend school gets out? The tattoo thing is also bothering me.

So is the tattoo thing just finally putting it all into perspective? Was this just the last straw on the camels back of trying to figure out how I do this?

I'm not currently rolling in dough. I know I'm in the job God wants me in right now. I feel that was confirmed again last week.

And to add salt to the wound, my son last night asked me why I didn't get him both things he wanted for Christmas. He's not normally greedy about things so the question caught me off-guard. I asked him if he realized that I had spent "x" amount of money on both he and his sister? It got under my skin bad enough that I couldn't speak for a while. Finally I told him that he had money coming from his Dad and with that money he could buy the other gift he wanted. I told him I was sorry I used the money up front on bills and Christmas. He apologized later on but it made me feel about that big.

Ever feel like your failing left and right? Today and yesterday would be that day.

God I know you are there. I need the right words to say to my friend when I tell her I can't be in her wedding and that she will recieve them in the right way. And God, send the right person along to help the kids and I. I usually just laugh off this "man" thing. But God, we've been alone for 8 years now. Well, alone without a physical husband/father in the house. I know You are the Great I Am, the Great Physician, the Comforter, Healer, Provider. I know things are in Your timing. And for the most part, I'm pretty content. But this has been a rough week already and we're only a week into the new year. Is this a year of "no?" I've already said "no" to the job offer that while it was flattering, I knew wasn't to be. And now to say "no" to being in a friend's wedding. Sometimes I just want a little more light on the path... wherever it's going. Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?

Friday, January 04, 2008

27 Dresses

I am so going to see this movie. Next weekend. For fun. For laughs. So because I'm about to be a bridesmaid in May.

This is the dress I'm supposed to be wearing. (and no I'm nowhere near that size.) It's very low cut in the back I've been told. AND I am supposed to use some sort of whatever to cover the tattoo on my left shoulder. I'm currently at a loss for words as how to answer.

more later.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year 2008

A Year of New Beginnings!
Chaz and Breezy are at one party and I'm at another. I'll leave in a bit and go and join them.