rearranging, prayer, digiscrapping...

So, I'm headed to my new school in the morning to rearrange.  Our supervisor doesn't like the last layout I did, so I drew up a little sketch and sent it to my new nurse to see what she thinks.  She likes it.  And so, I'm going to be there at 7 a.m. to help her get it rearranged the new way BEFORE I take the kids to school and BEFORE I go to work.  Yeah, long day but so worth it.

I've learned new things the last few days.  I've been helping my nurse review files.  WOW!  Lots of paperwork.  It's nuts but I know it will help her tremendously with the work she is about to start.

I'm learning to pray in a different way.  I know my daughter needs more help than I can give her but she doesn't "hear" me.  I'm just noise to her.  Any and all prayer is appreciated.  God, we need an intervention.

Made a digiscrap page tonight. DigiKit by Bruissements (Raccrocheuse). Yeah, the French site. Word art by Word Art World.  Jen has fabulous word art!  Check her out!

Anger and Bitterness

I tend to stubbornness.  God is working on me.  I've been hanging on to anger and bitterness for almost 2 years.  He's saying it's time to let it go.  I can't move forward with it.  I can't have true hope in Him with it.

God, I release this anger and bitterness that I have been carrying.  I give it to you.  I ask for your forgiveness for carrying it.  I thank you for redemption.  In Jesus name, Amen.

hello?

It's been a while.

Summer school is over. Vacation Bible School is over (both at BAC and ESC). The kids are out at the beach with the Bloom Event that is being held for the youth.

VBS. It was good. Both of them. Chaz and Breezy both helped lead the worship portion of the daily sessions. During the BAC VBS they also were crew leaders. It is so cool to know that God is working in them and has given them a heart to minister to children. I know it didn't come from me! LOL My portion of VBS is the registration and first aid.

Since May 3rd, I've attended 5 weddings and missed 2. I'm aware of at least 3 more engagements that have occured in that time frame as well. Two of the weddings are supposed to take place before the end of the year and one next summer.

For the last couple months I have been interested in a guy at the church. He has recently come back to the church. He and I became members at the same time in '02 and he left for a season. The smile is devastating. I finally got to spend more than 2 minutes talking to him on Sunday. It was a good conversation. The subject? The defunct over 30's singles group at church and what we need for a new one. A little personal stuff about work and kids. Although there seems to possibly be an attraction, I got the impression he's not interested in a relationship. So, I can toss that to the wind. Of course, I know, it's not my timing. It's God's timing. I'm ok with that. I've been single this long, what's a while longer? I'd rather have the one that God intended for me than to screw it up again. I am teachable. It only took 3 tries to learn though. *smile*

Things have been tight around the house. No real paychecks between now and the end of August, it's real tight. The rent and the car payment is paid from my retirement check. I have a small check that comes in from some part time work. It's the electric bill, water bill, and cell phone bill that I need to come up with. Oh yeah, food and gasoline for August. Nothing too big. People tend to think I'm overly optimistic. However, I know God has provided every single year since I've been working at the school I know He'll provide again... somehow some way.

My computer is still non-functioning as well. I did 2 customer service surveys for the Geek Squad. After the first one, the manager called me and said he'd order the recovery disks for my computer. After 4 weeks, I still have not recieved the disk. I sent the 2nd survey on the 17th of this month. No response. On the 24th I emailed Best Buy. I recieved the "canned" email response saying they'd contact me within 3 days but it's now 5 days later and no word. Now to figure out what to do. My thoughts have run from contacting the channel 5 consumer department for assistance or seeing if I could start a "urban legend" all by myself. Neither ring true at the moment so I'm being patient. Out of the last 100 or so days, 42 of the days, my computer was with the Geek Squad, 30 days, my computer was not working properly, and for the last 40 days, it doesn't work at all.

I am ready to go back to work. I go back on the 13th. Breezy and Chaz on the 18th. Breezy will be an 8th grader and Chaz will be a sophmore. It is good. At the wedding this past Saturday, I was looking at a pew full of teens and realized how much I love those kids. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it. If I decide to stay with the Health Department after this year, maybe I'll see if I can move up to high school from middle school. Ya never know.

My brother will be home from Iraq for a couple weeks in August. We get regular updates through the blog that his significant other set up for him. He is safe and we are still praying for him.

Prayer. Over Spring Break, I went to our Eastern Shore Campus for a Sunday service. It was suggested that I pray Psalm 91 over my brother for his safety while in Iraq. I missed a couple days that first week but have been faithfully praying it now for 3+ months. I added my other brother, Chaz, Breezy, and my names to it as well. There is something comfortable about reading it outloud with our names in it.

Movies. The base has free matinees on Wednesdays for the first showing. The kids have seen Kung Fu Panda and Speed Racer. I saw Prince Caspian twice. I really like the movie and the soundtrack is awesome. I decided the song "This is Home" by Switchfoot would make an awesome wedding song. Guess I'll file that away for future reference.

I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known

Chorus:
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back

Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

(Chorus)

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home

(Chorus)

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home

I am thankful for my children walking with God, a home, a working automobile, friends who love us, an amazing church family, a job, sunshine and rain.

That's all for now. later gators.

Another month gone...

School is out. First week of summer is over. Summer reading camp starts next week. Two weddings down. Several to go.

did I say it's the summer of the weddings? Two in May. Two in June (not counting the one I missed). Two in July. All friends or children of friends. Or in the case of the one yesterday, a nephew. It's crazy.

And lately, I pray that God will bring someone for the kids and I. I've been reading a book called "How to live well as a Single Mom." And today, I was wondering just how well-adjusted my children are. Are they tramatized by the divorce and I just don't realize it? Are they understanding of relationships? Do they have godly role models to follow? Am I missing something that they need?

So much turmoil lately as well. A friend whose 17 year old daughter is pregnant (and I've heard of one more who is pregnant). Another friend is in the midst of a bankruptcy that they never saw coming. The friends who are ill. I know that there are things going on in the heavenlies and on earth but so many prayers are needed.

back later.

Visit Mugs of Truth




Busy busy week again. Last week was FTE week. Don't ask me what it stands for. I have no idea. But in that week, we total all the medications we give, all the special procedures, tally all the allergies, adhd, etc numbers, and add in the number of students actually visted the clinic and turn them in. Final total: 348.

Saturday was WinterJam at the Mitchell Center in Mobile. Phenomenal!!! 10,500 people inside. The estimate for those turned away because there was no more room was 3,500-4,000!!!! The artists were amazing. I went mostly because I wanted to see MercyMe and NewSong. The worship was incredible. I have to admit that Skillet was probably my favorite. The pyrotechnics were WOW!! 15 foot columns of fire along with water mist and some sparkler type thingies. And I actually knew 4 of the 5 songs they did. Way cool. We went up with a group of 45 and another 40 or so from our church joined us there.

I managed to get my taxes filed finally. The free efile from Turbo Tax wasn't working for me this year due to a change in the way I had to file the bonus from the school so I used H&R Block as a friend recommended. Very good. We should have our refund back by the 21st. Yah! Part to the church, part to the kids, a bead order, and possibly a down payment on a car.

We are praying about a car. New or used? I don't want a huge payment so it's really weighing on me. We have got to replace the van. It needs a transmission and there is something seriously wrong with the undercarriage/frame.

I've also been sort of agitated lately. The single life and singles ministry has been on my mind. I'm torn between if the agitation is that I'm still single after being alone with the kids for 8 years or just agitated because something is missing or I'm waiting for something to happen.

I also realized I'm starting to pick up on other's emotions/feelings again. For a while I believe God softened how strongly I reacted to others emotions/feelings. But it seems to be getting stronger again.

I've been reading my Bible in the mornings after I get to school. I usually have 20 minutes or so of quiet time before my day officially starts. It's been good.

There's a song out that I think is just the bomb-diggity and I can't find it to download from iTunes or Zune. Paul Alan's "To bring you back." Awesome song. Now if only I can find the lyrics or at least the download so I can type out the lyrics.

prayer and stuff....

Hostrocket is the bomb-diggity. I couldn't get into my heartrunes account over there and they did a great job of getting me hooked back up with it and it took very little time. So I'll be updating my about me page soon (about time).

Please be in prayer for my brother. He recieved orders to Iraq. He's supposed to leave on 31 March for training and then to Iraq. He's supposed to be gone for 311 days total. His significant other is not taking it well. She is talking possibly moving back to this area. If he picks up warrant officer in February he won't go. Otherwise, he'll be doing counter IED work. I don't understand this as he's a cryppie.

Thanks.

evaluating...

This morning I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. As I sent a small prayer heavenward, I had to stop and think "what is my ulterior motive if I say no to being in my friend's wedding?"

I was surprised to have been asked to be in her wedding in the first place. I consider us friends but didn't realize that she considered me close enough to be a bridesmaid.

All this time, I've been listening to the wedding plans and trying to figure out where all the money I'll need will be coming from. The $170 for the dress and then I'll need the associated undergarments because nothing I own will work with the dress. The fittings. The dress I'll need for the rehearsal dinner/masquerade party the night before. The hotel for a couple days. And the expenses keep piling up. And then, where do I leave the kids? Is it right to bail on them the weekend school gets out? The tattoo thing is also bothering me.

So is the tattoo thing just finally putting it all into perspective? Was this just the last straw on the camels back of trying to figure out how I do this?

I'm not currently rolling in dough. I know I'm in the job God wants me in right now. I feel that was confirmed again last week.

And to add salt to the wound, my son last night asked me why I didn't get him both things he wanted for Christmas. He's not normally greedy about things so the question caught me off-guard. I asked him if he realized that I had spent "x" amount of money on both he and his sister? It got under my skin bad enough that I couldn't speak for a while. Finally I told him that he had money coming from his Dad and with that money he could buy the other gift he wanted. I told him I was sorry I used the money up front on bills and Christmas. He apologized later on but it made me feel about that big.

Ever feel like your failing left and right? Today and yesterday would be that day.

God I know you are there. I need the right words to say to my friend when I tell her I can't be in her wedding and that she will recieve them in the right way. And God, send the right person along to help the kids and I. I usually just laugh off this "man" thing. But God, we've been alone for 8 years now. Well, alone without a physical husband/father in the house. I know You are the Great I Am, the Great Physician, the Comforter, Healer, Provider. I know things are in Your timing. And for the most part, I'm pretty content. But this has been a rough week already and we're only a week into the new year. Is this a year of "no?" I've already said "no" to the job offer that while it was flattering, I knew wasn't to be. And now to say "no" to being in a friend's wedding. Sometimes I just want a little more light on the path... wherever it's going. Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?

worship

If anyone reading is a praying person, please keep my friend KB's son in your prayers. He is an autistic adult who has been living up north for all of his life. He has recently become homeless and his caseworker cannot find him. His Mom is worried sick. The temperatures in their area has been in the 30's. Please pray that he is found quickly and in good health and for KB to have peace. Thank you.

I'm sitting at church listening to the youth band warm up for the worship service tonight. It blows me away every time how good they are and how they lead the youth (and grown-ups) into the presence of God. Gives me goosebumps thinking about it. I'm ready for tonight's worship.

Tomorrow night is night of worship for big church. All three campus worship leaders get together to lead worship for an hour and a half. Very good.

Report cards came out last week. Breezy made A/B honor roll (GPA: 3.71). Chaz had 3 A's, 3 B's and 1 C (GPA: 3/14). This is much better for both of them this year. I'm so proud of them. Yah!

Almost time for me to go pick Chaz up from his soccer practice. His first official game is tomorrow. He's going to be playing with jv. Later.

sunsets, rainbows, trees, life

It has been a good week. Slowest week of work ever. I only saw 5 kids the entire week. Really. So instead of taking care of kids, I helped in the office by sorting supplies, answering phones and taking muster (or attendance for those non Navy folk). It was good.

The prayer board is finished. A friend gave me some chicken wire and let me use her staple gun to put it together. It looks good sitting on top of my bookcase. I'll take a pic later and post it. Monday, I made 112 tags that I can use to put prayer requests and pictures on. Decided the back of the tags can be used for addresses too. I'll make a little box to drop tags in that have answered prayers whether yes, no or you must be kidding!

Wednesday I stopped by an antique store off of Navy Blvd and found an old Womans Day magazine from March of 1967. The picture of Easter eggs decorated as butterflies caught my eye but when I read the first article listed I knew I needed it. Title? "what tv is doing to your children" Um, that's good. Also found a farmers almanac from 1971 and a book of 55 community songs. Both are aged well and will make nice additions to clocks, cards, and collages. Not decided yet if I'll make copies and age the copies or use the originals. What to do what to do.

Today scored big too. I've been driving to school all week up and down the same road and today, I saw the perfect tree to put in my bedroom (I know it sounds funny but that's ok). I've been wanting a branch to stand in the corner of my bedroom and hang birdhouses, pictures and a couple little mushroom birds on. This tree had been cut down earlier this week (last week?) but not well. The leaves were all dry and falling off but the trunk hadn't been cut well. So I phoned a friend who brought his chainsaw and finished cutting it for me and he trimmed off the top 2 feet of it. We got it in my van but couldn't close the back so I drove all the way home with it open. No broken windows fortunately.

On the way home, there was the most beautiful sunset ever over Perdido Key off Lillian Hwy. And then, there was a double rainbow. It's the first double rainbow I've seen in years. Only the left hand side of it was visible but it was gorgeous. Got pictures of both. I'll get them uploaded later and add them.

God is so good. He brought rain, a trip for my kids to see their dad, a dead tree for my bedroom, sunset and rainbow, a job for part of the summer. I am blessed coming and going. Friends who care, who pray with me, laugh and cry with me.

One pair of friends we had dinner with last night. The husband was a friend when I was in the Navy way back in 1982. The wife I have met since they started attending our north campus. The kids swam, watched movies, and played while they and I discussed music and God. It was good.

The kids leave Wednesday. It will be strange for them not to be around. I talked to their dad a few days ago. He still didn't have his ticket back to the states. I let him know that he needed to be sure he came home to see them. I'm not sure what their reaction will be if he doesn't make it there. Say a prayer for them and their Dad. It's going to be an adjustment for all three of them. Breezy and Chaz are pretty well grounded in God and pretty opinionated as well. They've not seen him in 6 years.

What will I do with all this free time? I signed up for Blockbuster Access online. Star Trek Voyager is the word of the day. My goal is to make it through at least 2 seasons of the show while they are gone.

Also thinking about attending The Call in Nashville on 07.07.07. Haven't made the final decision yet but it may be the breakthrough I'm needing with God.

Today I'm thankful for my children, friends, and rainbows.

catching up....

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Couple things I had forgotten to post.

1. I've been saved 5 years today. God chose me first. I didn't chose him first. I have been reminded of this in the last couple weeks and it's true. While I know I have grown in my walk with God, I still feel I am missing alot. There are things I could do to help grow more but I let time slip through my fingers way too often. Thank you God for your mercy and grace.

2. I paid off my van last Saturday. Yes, the van that was nearly repossessed in February. Got the title. Thank you Lord.

3. Breezy and Chaz will be flying to WA/OR to see their Dad and his side of the family in a couple weeks and will be gone for 27 days. In 2001, they saw their Dad in England for a month. In 2002, they stayed with my sister for two weeks. Since then, the longest I have gone without seeing them has 3 days for Night of Joy at Disney and 2 days for ATF. They spend the night with friends regularly but that's not the same. This is a major step for me. Letting them go this time is hard. They are older. They will have access to stuff I know they shouldn't be seeing or partaking of. Prayer. A lot of it. Breezy and Chaz have been praying about visiting with their Dad for years. I know because a friend of mine who works with children and youth ministry has heard their prayer requests.

4. School gets out on Thursday. I'll be out for the last week of May and go back to work on the 4th of June. I'll be running a clinic for summer school.

5. There is a teacher at the school who I think is flirting with me. You know it's been a while since I've been out or flirted that I don't realize it until I walk away and think about it for 10-15 minutes. Duh. Flirting used to be a huge part of my life before I met the kid's Dad. After we separated in 2000, it became part of my life again. In 2002, I stopped flirting. Every now and then I catch myself and think man, what are you doing?

6. I get my glasses this week! YAHOO! I'll be able to read without fighting to focus!

7. I went to the beach yesterday for the first time in years (other than church picnics). I'm not particularly fond of sand but it was nice out and the kids wanted to go. They were with the "other Deb" and she called to say she'd take them. I ended up meeting them at the base. I got some great pictures of Breezy, a few of Chaz, and some super pics of the base lighthouse. You know, the one that they no longer do tours of? I'm glad we climbed it years ago.

8. Last but not least, se are praying for a friend at our church. The prognosis is not good. We are believing for a miracle. She and her husband are children's pastors. She is a home-schooling mom. One of the sweetest people I have ever met. She is in hospice care as of this weekend. Prayer. A lot of it is needed. Her name is Nan.

Ever get the feeling you are being taken advantage of? Now all I need to do is pray and figure out how to handle this tactfully.

Hm... Tactful. That word was not in my vocubulary for a long long time. I'm a little slower to speak nowadays that I used to be.

Still need to get my clock on the wall. I had a nail and hammer out this morning trying to figure out where the studs were over the couch. Would you believe that after hammering that nail in ever 4 inches or so for two feet that I never hit a stud??? I can't believe it either. Guess I'll try again tonight after church.

Tomorrow, we're planting plants at my house. A small flower bed, edging the concrete where we can get to it. Maybe shoving the dirt back into the trenches that have been in my yard for two weeks. Never know.

I found this little thingie below on another blog and thought it was neat. Added it to my NTWS profile and will put it here as well. (hopefully the html will work right)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Later gators.

seminar

I am a demo for Angel Company. I love the stamps. Acrylic mounting vs wood mount is the b*mb-diggity. Currently, I don't sell alot of stamps. I had been waiting until I had somewhere to give a Funshop and now have a big enough home to hold one in.

Their seminar is the end of June in Kansas City Missouri. I'm praying for the finances to attend. The total cost would be around a thousand bucks! Nothing less than a miracle would make that happen.

Can ya say a prayer with me?

cars & toothpaste

It's been a week. A very long week.

Monday, my eyes hurt so bad it felt like my eyeballs were going to explode.

Wednesday seemed like the longest day on earth.

Thursday night as I was headed to Walmart, I saw a white 'vette while I was waiting in the turn lane at a light. As the couple went through the light, the 'vette died. I waited for the light, pulled a u-turn to go back and see if I could help. They said no, they were out to test drive it when it died. All I wanted to do was cry and I have no idea why.

Friday, a dear man who goes to our church lost his battle with cancer. He battled so long and so hard. Our athletic field is named after him. His service and burial are tomorrow.

Saturday, my van was nearly repossessed. I was behind on payments and I reacted the way I normally do. If I don't know what to say or do, I do nothing. It came to a head Saturday morning. We cleaned the van completely out because I didn't think I'd have it when I got back from the place I bought it. The gentleman was really nice and I told him that I didn't call because I had no idea what to say or do. I gave him nearly everything I had left in my account and I'll go see him the next three paydays and finish paying it off. All the way there I prayed. I called a friend to have her pray as well. Nothing but the grace of God and the mercy of the owner. Thank you Lord!

Today, I came back into the bookstore and there was a tube of toothpaste (new) sitting on my counter. I remember thinking "I brush my teeth and I'm watching the words I speak, surely this must be someone else's?" Right before I left, a lady came in and said God had told her a while back to give it to me. She said she finally got around to it. As I left today, I was praying God, what is this?

A little while ago, my brother Keith came in and we were talking. I told him about the car, my eyes, the toothpaste. He said "you're being squeezed. What's coming out?" He went on..."How am I reacting to the things that God is pulling out of me? Things like the payment on the van? The head in the sand attitude that isn't helping?" And then he asked who was praying over me. No one that I know specifically. I call occasionally to Andrea or Nancy to pray but no one that I know consistently. Before he left to go to his class, he prayed over me. And all I wanted to do was cry. Still do.

God, I don't understand...

I don't understand why good people who serve you faithfully are eatten up with cancer. I don't understand why teenagers are eatten up with cancer.

I know You say in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (NIV)

But God, I don't get it. I don't see what good there is in babies losing their mom or moms losing their babies.

God help me to understand or at least to have peace. Help me to give comfort to others during this time.

Surprise Me God! 15, 16, 17

God is so good. Even when I don't understand all that is going on around me.

Monday night, we got to watch a Class 3 wrecker assist an 18 wheeler next to Walmart. The driver had not swung the rig wide enough for the turn and the trailer ended up coming lose from the 5th pin on the rig. It was neat to watch how the driver of the Class 3 wrecker hooked up the trailer and lifted it enough that the rig driver could reposition his truck under the trailer. It took nearly an hour but it was something new.

For some reason, my memory of Tuesday is near non-existent. I know it was a good day. I am just foggy at the moment.

Wednesday, I was asked to help prepare a bulletin for a funeral service. The worship was excellent as always.

Today was just emotional. One of our guidance counselors came and asked me to pray with a grandparent about a former student who is in the hospital. Somehow in the midst of my tears, I was able to say something. When I finished, the grandma told me she was more at peace. I'm glad I had the opportunity to pray with her.

The rest of the day was tough. I felt like I had been drained of all my energy. It was strange.

After work, the kids and I went to visit the couple who brought me all the handmade paper. Their home is amazing!!! The colors are bright and beautiful. Much different than anything I would put in a house but they work so well. T asked me if we wanted to join them for dinner. I said sure. And then...

I got to see the machine. DUDE! Whoa! I want one of those! My head is spinning from all the possibilities!

After looking around, C showed me some of the board/materials he uses to make picture frames. Some of this stuff is 60 bucks a foot! That's some expensive picture frames!

Dinner was excellent. T made spaghetti and homemade flat bread to go with it. I really need to get that recipe.

I think the thing that makes me saddest though, is they will be moving soon. Headed to Ohio. I wish I had met them sooner and gotten to know them better. We met during the S.H.A.P.E. class and I have been tremendously blessed by them. And not just because of the paper. They are just wonderful people who love God and it reflects in everything they say and do.

I was actually sad we had to leave to come to church for the drama practice.

Drama practice. If you're in my neck of the woods, stop in around 8:30 or 10:30 and enjoy the drama and say hi. We're always here.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was good. We spent it at my mother's. Pretty much everything was cooked before we got there and a little reheating needed.

Two of my sisters, one brother, one brother-in-law, and 2 nephews along with my Mom, her husband, myself, Talia and Skif.

It was really good to see my brother. I've now seen him twice in one week. That's more than I've seen him in the previous 6 months!!!

We got to play a few rounds of 313. And much talking going on.

Afterwards, my sister went to my brother's to pick up some slides and a slide projector that had belonged to my Daddy.

We spent about 4 hours going through all the slides. It was good to see these pictures. After my Daddy passed away, a lot of things like pictures seemed to have vanished. Most of the slides were from 81-early 83. There were pictures of my Pass-In-Review from bootcamp. Pictures of my first ex and I out shooting skeet. I was about the size of a pencil back then. There were also pictures of when I was a year old and my parents lived upstairs from the funeral home that my Dad worked in.

I told a friend about the pictures on Friday and she asked if I had gotten prayer for that. I said what? I never thought about the fact we lived above a funeral home for a couple years after I was born. Maybe it is something I need to look into. She also asked if my Dad was bi-polar. I have no idea. I know he was never the same man after my uncle was shot and killed in 1979.

Things to think on and pray over.

God, this is me. I need help. This spiritual battle is over my head. This home is over my head. My family is over my head. Help.