Starry Night

One of my favorite new songs is "Starry Night" by Chris August.  I find myself singing it randomly during the day.  Thank the Lord for amazing music that helps bring Him to mind and helps lead me into worship with Him.


From the Birds that Sing, In the Tallest Trees.
To the Human Life, of you and me.
From the Desert Sands, to the place we stand.
He is God of All, He is Everything.

Waohhh

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything
'Cause he is everything

From the Autumn Leaves, that will ride the breeze
To the Faith it takes, to pray and sing
From the Painted sky, to my plank filled eye
He is God of all, He is everything

Waohhh

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything.

Ohhhhhhh (everything)

Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe
Ohhh
Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun
On that Starry Night, He changed my life.
I'm giving it all to the only son who gave me hope when I had none.
So let the praises ring,
Ohhhh Let the Praises Ring

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the Angels sing, that he is Heavenly

So let the Praises ring
'Cause he everything

Even as I'm creating this post, I'm listening to it.  I added it to one of my "mix" cds that play 24 hours/7 days a week.   I want the enemy to know who's worshiped in my home... and it's not lord of the airwaves (satan).  It's the Creator of the Universe!  

Night of Joy at Disney in 3 weeks.  I have been saving a little each month for the kids and I to go.  I'm still not absolutely positive I will be going.  Considering taking my portion and paying bills that are behind until I start getting paid again.  We'll see.

Hello Hurricane....

I bought this cd for Chaz. Love it! I particularly love the song Hello Hurricane.

Oh, I've been watching the skies
They've been turning blood red
Not a doubt in my mind anymore
There's a storm up ahead

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
Oh (my love)
Oh

Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I started building
I counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love

I'm a fighter fighting for control
I'm a fighter fighting for my soul
Everything inside of me surrenders
You can't silence my love

Oh, oh, oh

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love

It has been good. My Christmas shopping for Chaz and Breezy is finished. I have several gifts I want to get for friends and several I want to make. I want to make a couple brooches for friends. Not sure what materials yet but ideas are flowing.

Change has come. The kids and I officially started at our Foley campus on the 20th. It is awesome. I actually want to go to church for the first time in ages. It had reached a point that I was miserable.

And today (or rather yesterday), God reminded me that I knew in January/February that I was supposed to let go of the position I had at the church in August. When I didn't let go because I thought I had to have the income, it had to become miserable enough to let go.

I am grateful I let go. I feel like we turned the page and are in a new chapter of our lives. Thank you God for putting up with me when I'm hard headed.

In other things, we did get to go to Night of Joy. Other than the teenage D-R-A-M-A, it was a great trip. I spent most of the trip alone and it was a wonderful thing. I took over 900 pictures in EPCOT and Animal Kingdom. I need to get them modified to update my facebook page. I also have already set up our finances to pay for next years trip so that it won't be such a burden when it gets close to time to go.

Work is going well. Busy but well. I can deal with that.

Been downloading my music from iTunes lately. For the cost of an album that may have only 1 or 2 songs I like, I can get up to 10 songs that I really want. And I'm actually dropping them to disk so I can hear them in the car and at home. Yah for technology!

The following lyrics are from TobyMac's new song "City on Our Knees."

If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh

Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
Tonight could last forever
Ooh
Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
As family
We’re family
Oh Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
You and me
Ya, you and me
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide
In a glorious display
Cuz its all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
If we gotta start somewhere why not here
If we gotta start sometime why not now

Angels Sing

I heard this song on Power 88, my favorite radio station. Angels Sing by Press Play.

You see, see in me what I can't see
Believe in me in my unbelief
Strengthen me when I'm so weak
You know I love you
And you light the corners of darkness in my life
You answer when no one can hear my
Cry for my rescue
The clouds open up and my world sees a savior

Chorus:
And you make the angels stand and sing
You make heavenly melodies
You make my life forever free
You know I love you
You know I love you
You make everything wonderful
You make each day more beautiful
You make life unbelievable
You know I love you
You know I love you

Bridge:
Angels will bow at your feet as they worship
Heavens will open the gates show their splendor
The earth starts to rumble our loved ones we welcome
Trumpets will thunder my world sees a savior.

always

this is an awesome song by Building 429. God is always with us. hard to believe sometimes but true.

I was standing in the pour raining
One dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold
When she caught my eye
Her face was torn and her eyes were filled
And then to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph
And my heart just stopped inside
She said He would have been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face
What was I supposed to say

But I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

He was living in a broken world dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace
When I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt
When his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears
And the anger locked inside
He's barely holding on to faith
But deliverance is on its way

'Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on

Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
Always, Always
He will be with you always
He will be with you always
He will be with you

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

There is just something about this song that speaks to me. With God, I am free to be who I am supposed to be. Although at times, I'm not sure who I'm supposed to be. I like that standing with God, I am free to find out who.

Busy week both at work and at home. A few new discoveries. A few lessons. Just what we all need. Right?

Pastor Josh preached the first part of "Welcome to the Family." God brings us into His family and calls us to love one another as we love Him. How we have a tendency to allow gossip to color our world and view of others.

Unfortunately, I have done that a couple times in the last year. I've been guilty let someone else's personal feelings color my view of people. People who while I didn't always agree with what they did, I knew they were good and godly people. And for a short time, I viewed them differently. Both times God pointed it out to me rather sharply. Ouch! I'm sorry for listening to the gossip, participating in it, and acting on it. Sorrier for not listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit this last time that it wasn't right and listening anyway.

Pastor B is preaching on "How to Ruin Your Life" today. It's part 3 of the series. How negativity can ruin your life. He talks of how Paul was in prison and didn't let being in prison ruin his life. How Paul could have been negative and angry over being in prison yet he chose to worship God. He wrote the letters to the Corinthians.

Three of the ladies from the choir sang "Anyway" by Martina McBride. What an amazing rendition. I'm glad it's going to be on today's recording of the service. So good, I can't wait to hear it again the second service!

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea - I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!

I sing
I dream
I love anyway

Last night we attended a get together at our friends' home to celebrate a birthday. The birthday girl turned 20 and is from Japan. The Japanese hold a big coming of age celebration when they turn 20. There were around 30 people ranging in age from 11 to 50 at the party. Good food, DDR, ping pong, air hockey, movies and mostly good company. I didn't think I was ever going to get my kids to leave. We finally made it out of the house on the 3rd try at 11:15!!! I'm pretty sure they'd stay there all the time if I gave them the chance. Heh.

I discovered a marvelous coffee shop on Navy Blvd about a mile out the front gate of NAS. It's called Martelli's. The atmosphere was wonderful. The music was Frank Sinatra and some other singers from that era. There was a warmth to the place that made you feel at home. The pictures on the walls were vintage black and white photos of the family. Old cameras and a phonograph were part of the decor. There was actually a decorative fountain in the middle of the room as well. Lovely chess boards on a couple tables so customers could play a game. A few other board games were available as well. Free wi-fi too! The pumpkin patch mocha latte was yummy! A friend of mine told me that he and his wife go there on Sunday after church every now and again for lunch. She told me this morning that the prices are excellent and her kids love the food too. Sounds like something I need to try with Chaz and Breezy.

Got a haircut (or two). Feels like a ton of weight has fallen off my head. Whew!

Work was busy too. One of our "clients" this week was a teacher with a pretty good size "boo-boo" on his leg. He had fallen off his bike a week or so ago and the pedal gouged his leg. Then he fell while playing basketball a couple days later and reopened it. By the time we saw it, it was red and angry looking and most likely infected. He had to have been in some pain. Friday he made a doctor's appointment to get it checked. We'll find out tomorrow how bad it was.

Well, the service is nearly over and this set of DVD's is nearly done. Hafa Adai and Sayonora!

Oh yeah, I realized two weeks ago that I've been divorced for nearly 5 years. For some reason, I thought it was only 3 years. duh.

Well I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
And I can't begin to know what you're going through
And I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
So keep holding on

You got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Well it brings new life for your eyes to see
So remember what i told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
So keep holding on
Keep holding on

So remember what i told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you yeah
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you yeah
There's a light at the end of this tunnel ooh
For you, for you yeah
Shinging bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holding on
Keep holding on
Keep holding on now

You got your disappointments and sorrows
I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you

Artist: Third Day from the "Wherever You Are" album

How can I be so encouraging to others yet so hard on my children and myself?

morning

I've been in a strange mood lately. I'd say it was depression but I know it's not that. I've been healed from that. Yah God!

It's almost like I'm stuck in a rut. Work is good but frustrating. The year is winding down and the kids it seems are losing their minds. We've been busier the last three weeks than during flu season. How messed up is that? Sometimes I think it's time to move on but I stop because I feel God was telling me in December I am right where He wants me. I am working with the kids and there are people around me who need encouraging. Sometimes the positive word that is spoken is the only good words some of these students hear. I'm standing on that.

This past week was our missions conference and it was the AFM conference. I ran powerpoint/worship for it on Tuesday night. The worship was WOW. We're singing a new song lately that is so powerful. When LA Joiner came up to speak, he started out by saying he felt God was saying that song was prophetic for his people. That alot of people are tired and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Watching but ready to give up. (I feel that way sometimes lately). He said God was saying for those holding on, the light is coming. The revelation. The breakthrough. Thank you God!

Yesterday, we had a small group get together at our house. Today is the last day of Alpha so we decided to just fellowship. It was good. Three hours of talking about different things God is doing in each of our lives and talk of how we can fall away from Him by our actions and things we thought would never separate us.

Today, pastor spoke of "Leaving Egypt." What things do we need to leave behind in order to move forward with God into the things He has called us to? What is my Egypt? Food, money, the computer. All these things pull me from God.

A friend of mine and I have been discussing a small women's group. Something crafty. Something that lets women be creative and make things that they can share with others. Whether it be a journal, a scrapbook page, a clock, a card. (Oh yeah, my latest clock is at the bottom) There are so many people who need to be encouraged. If we can help that then we're going to.

You Never Let Go - Matt Redman

Even though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught
in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light
that is coming
for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end
to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You
still I will praise You

Christmas was good. The kids got what they wanted for Christmas. Between gifts from "Santa" (via the angel tree), mom (me), and aunts and uncles, they were happy. I'm glad. I was really afraid that they would actually be without for a while.

Our family (my mom and her husband, my three sisters, one of my two brothers, and two spouses) were together for Christmas. It was good. We spent alot of time playing cards and talking.

And for the big Christmas present? I've been talking about it for months. I've been dreaming about it for longer.... Huh, what are you talking about?

A new home!!!

I signed a lease today on the new place. And got a key. Tomorrow, a friend, R, is coming to help me get packed and start moving stuff. K is going to go with me to pick up my new bed, dresser, and nightstand that I was given.

I'm dreading telling the landlord as I'm sure he will notice we're packing and want to know why I didn't give him notice. But I absolutely do not want anything to do with him at this point after the year we've had where we are. From the front door that will not seal completely to the broken window that has been broken for two years to the fact the trailer is not level and has not been level since a tree hit the back of it during Ivan, to the guy he was renting to who was breaking in our house stealing our food and stuff that he wouldn't press charges against. (I'm thinking I might have a forgiveness issue to deal with)

Anyway, we are moving. New carpet, new windows, new appliances and all that. We will have fish instead of cats. Talia is content with that. Skif wants a dog but understands we need to wait a bit. I'll be happy not to be feeding an entire neighborhood of cats! 20 pounds of cat food every couple weeks is alot (and expensive)!

I am so grateful for a new place. We are going to pray over it and anoint it before moving in as well. I've got to take over a cd player and start playing music as well.

Guess I should get some sleep so I can get up early and pack. Say a prayer for us!

Surprise Me God, Christmas

I can barely believe that it is day 26 of Surprise Me God. God has surprised me all over the place. From revelation, spiritual growth, a place to live, Christmas presents for the kids.

We haven't started moving yet. Everything isn't finished on the house. But it's ok. We'll move.

I took the kids to the mall today. I figured I'd let them pick out their gifts for each other. Talia found her gift for Skif but Skif couldn't find what he wanted to give Talia. She ended up with a fish tank and Skif ended up with 2 Alabama Crimson Tide t-shirts.

Skif and Talia are getting skateboards for Christmas. Skif will get Legos, a shirt, game for his Game cube and a watch. Talia will get a game, a cd player for her bedroom, earrings, journal and jeans. They are both getting music cd's as well.

A friend asked me if I would put some songs on her daughter's mp3 player that she is getting for Christmas. So here I sit, ripping music to the hard drive of my friend's computer to transfer over. Of course, when I'm through, I'll have to delete everything off the computer. She gave me 10 or eleven cd's to transfer to it. It's a 2 gig mp3 player so it will hold all the songs. I'm thinking I need an mp3 player too!

I cooked dinner for she and her husband and kids tonight. One of the only meals I've cooked in months. 2006 has been the year of eatting out. We probably ate out for over 1/2 of our dinners this year. Not expensive places, but out. I hated going home for any reason and to cook there was even less desirable. I told the kids to enjoy their meals out. Starting next week, we eat at home! Yah!

I have Christmas presents to wrap tomorrow. We'll open them on Christmas morning then drive to my sister's house to spend the day with family.

I'm scooting for now. I know it wasn't much of an update but it's been a good week.

revelation and failure

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about Thanksgiving and people from the past.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting thinking about my testimony when suddenly I realized...

Did anyone know I was married when I was stationed in Pensacola the first time? Did my behavior reflect I was married? Or was I too worried about being popular, drinking and hanging out to act married?

Yes, the latter would be the correct answer. For the first time in my life, I was somebody (in my own mind). I had male friends who actually wanted my company. And I, theirs.

I was pretty after having been the ugly duckling the whole time I was in high school. I can look back now at the pictures from school and see that I wasn't ugly but back then, the words had much more power than they do now.

My husband at the time was stationed in Orlando. I think we saw each other 3 times after we married. We never did live together and I think the thing that hurt the most was having extra money in my check and wanting to go see him. He on the other hand was too busy for me. The only thing he wanted was $150 a month to help pay his car payment that he had been paying before he met me.

It sort of warped my behavior even further. I became much more the party animal. I began dating. Of course, now, looking back those were affairs. And in my mind that far back, I had done nothing wrong.

My divorce was filed for in August of that year and not final until February of the next year.

I am amazed that it took me 24 years to realize just how screwed up my perspective of marriage and life was.

God took a small window of reflection to give me a revelation. I can only at this point pray for forgiveness from God and take it for a lesson learned.

Somehow, the song "Stand in the Rain" by Superchic(k) is so appropriate. I am so afraid to slow down that the past will come rushing up and call to account all the things I've done or that my thoughts will take me to ground I'm not ready to cover yet... or rather uncover.

She never slows down
She doesn’t know why
but she knows that
When she’s all alone
it feels like its all coming down

She won’t turn around
The shadows grow long
and she fears
If she cries that first tear
the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
if she stands she’ll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She’s running from
wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

I too know the feeling that if I start crying, the tears may never cease. Sometimes, I can feel them and it's a battle to keep them back.

Why? Talia and Skif. Control. The fear of falling apart and being unfit.

Then other days... I wake up singing...

You stood before creation
Eternity in Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart
O God Completely to You

I walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One
who gave it all

So I'll stand my soul
Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Because I know that His sacrifice and His forgiveness is so much bigger than anything I've done. All I must do is let it go and give it to Him.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

It's a process. I'm walking it out and it's tough.