Sunday, June 21, 2009

whew, long time

I know, I know. it's been a while. A long while.

Much has happened. School is out. I spent the last week of the school year in the hospital. Um yup.

I've been having really bad headaches for months. Little numbness in my hands every now and again. The last Monday in May, I tried to give blood but my blood pressure was 152/104. To say the least they wouldn't let me give. So I went ahead with the kids and went to the movies.

On Tuesday, I didn't feel right so I let my supervisor know and went to the emergency room. My B/P was 152/98 when I got there. I was having that pins and needle feeling in my left arm. The doctor had me put on a heart monitor and hooked to an iv for fluids. They pulled some blood. He seemed to think it was just my B/P until they got the blood test results back. Everything was normal except I had troponin in my blood. Troponin is only supposed to be in your blood if you have had a heart attack or are going to have a heart attack. So they admitted me to the hospital. The next day, I had a echocardiogram and a stress test. Both turned out normal and later that day they released me with no answer about the troponin levels.

On Thursday, I was getting ready for work when I had an intense pain across the center of my back. I thought geez, I really slept well to cause this much pain in my back. But the pain started getting worse, and then I started thinking women present for heart attacks in their back. I'm pretty sure I panicked because then I started feeling tightness in the chest. I dropped Chaz at school and called a friend to come and pick up Breezy from the hospital.

By the time I got to the ER, my B/P was 198/100. They pulled some blood again, started a heart monitor and iv. Again, there was troponin in my blood but everything else looked ok. I explained what was going on and they decided to send me to a local hospital via ambulance.

Off to the hospital I go. Thank goodness they don't run sirens when they transport someone like that. whew! Within 30 minutes of arriving at the hospital, the cardiologist on call had me in for a heart catheterization. Everything normal. He scheduled me for a CT scan at 5 a.m. the next morning. They slapped nitro patches on me and kept me on the heart monitor all night. Put me on blood pressure medications.

The next morning, the tech came in to take me for the CT scan. I was back in my room by 6. Then I waited. And waited and waited. The doctor never did show up. When I asked about him, I was told he hadn't made rounds of the floor yet. By the time they paged him and he returned the page, he was over 40 miles from Pensacola. He told them to release me, my tests were fine. Excuse me? Did I miss something? To say the least I was pissed.

A friend called someone at the hospital who worked there and she came to see me. They paged the doctor again. He finally called back and said he had the ER doctor write me a prescription for the blood pressure medications and that when he came to see me I was having a test done. Don't even get me started on that comment. I left the hospital over 12 hours after the CT scan with two prescriptions for the blood pressure medications. As I was being discharged, the nurse told me that my troponin levels were normal and had been since just after I arrived at the hospital the day before. Do you think maybe someone should have told me earlier?

I am grateful to God that I am ok. I'm 45 years old and now know that both my heart and lungs are in good condition. I am slowly losing weight (4 pounds already). I'm eatting better. Moving more. I thank God that I will be around for my children.

Last week, I went to a funeral for a friend's nephew. He was under 20 and had committed suicide. Wow! My heart goes out to the family for the unanswered questions left by his death. It was a tough funeral to attend. It was also the first funeral Chaz and Breezy have been to.

After the funeral, I called the kids dad to again encourage him to stay in contact with them. Let him know that they both have Facebook accounts with dozens of pictures. He told me they had trouble connecting to Facebook. (Only people I know with that particular problem.)

They have both had cell phones for 22 months and in all that time he has called 3 times total. I received an email the next day saying not to contact him any longer and if the kids wanted to talk to him that they could call.

How could you not want to keep contact with two of the most amazing kids ever? That's not just my opinion as a Mom. That is the report of everyone who works with them, mentors them, loves them. Amazing children. And I'm angry all over again at him.

So, I'm preparing a draft message to respond to him with. I'll save it. One of these days, I'll need it when they start asking questions. A friend is reviewing it with me to make sure I don't let my emotions override what needs to be said.

I also talked to that friend about what would happen if something happened to me. She told me that she and her husband had already discussed it. They would like the kids to come live with them. I talked to it with Breezy a little bit. She is good with that idea. I've not talked to Chaz about it. After we discuss it, I will be having my will prepared and select the executor of the estate.

Other than that, the last month and a half haven't been bad. I've taken a lot of pictures. I recently figured out how many I have posted on Facebook. Over 2000. One day I'd love to own a DSLR camera (with an autofocus mode too) to take better pictures. My daddy was a photographer on the side. He took beautiful pictures. My mother is a great photographer as well. This apple didn't fall too far from the tree. I'd love to take professional portrait photos, landscape, animals, whatever. Just let me take some pictures.

Saw Joshua Stevens, Steven Cochran and John Michael Montgomery in concert at the base with my sister. Incredible concert. Steven Cochran has quite the testimony. A tour in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was injured in Afghanistan and he said he woke up a month later at Bethesda. He said he was told he would never walk again. He's walking and talking and singing. God is good.

Ah, but Eli Stone was on last night. We watched. I still can't believe ABC canceled it. I'll be sending them another email. It was great!

Chaz and Breezy will be attending a youth conference at the church on Monday and Tuesday. Then Wednesday - Saturday they will be at a worship conference. They are pretty excited about it.

Today, they are spending time with friends out on the water. I thank God for the incredible mentors he has placed in their lives. People who care and show that they care.

I miss you Daddy.