Moved!

Well, moved to a different school to work that is.  But a move just the same.   LOVE IT!

I did have a revelation after changing schools.  If you dislike what you are doing or have stayed past when you should have gone, your frustration does not help you keep your witness.  I don't think I was much of a witness for Christ when I left because of my frustration.  Lesson learned.  I'm a wee bit slow some days obviously.

Chaz tried for a walk on position on the football team.  He's now a wide receiver.  Yah!  Well done.  Hopefully he'll get some game time.

Breezy is playing soccer.  This week is tryouts  And she is playing powder puff football.  Yes, that's my beautiful girl.  She'll either be the quarterback or a wide receiver. Yah!  Well done.

Me?  I'm downloading digi-scrap kits and still digi-scrapping.  Totally enjoy extracting the subject of the digi-pages.  So far I've printed 30 pages  and put them in a real live scrapbook!  Amazing I know!

A very old picture of my Mom.  Created using PhotoShop Elements 6.  DigiScrap kit from DigiDesignResort (Natural Breeze).  Word art by Elegant Word Art.

Chaz and Breezy with Tigger at character breakfast at Walt Disney World. Sweet memory. Definitely worth the splurge in expense.

Created using PhotoShop Elements 6.  Word art by Word Art World.  Kit is from Gotta Pixel (Ephemeral Soul by Designs by Helly).

I love this picture of Breezy.  Although I know she was having a marvelous time in the rain, the picture always reminds me of the song "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns.

Created using PhotoShop Elements 6.  Digi scrap kit by Polka Dot Chicks (Reflections).  Fonts:  Pea Noodle for song text and "Praise" "in the Storm" and The King and Queen for "You."  Photo modified with PSE Action by Paint the Moon.

I'm off to do a special page for my friend Debi and her husband.  They are such an amazing couple and speak  such encouragement into not only my children but so many others.

whew, long time

I know, I know. it's been a while. A long while.

Much has happened. School is out. I spent the last week of the school year in the hospital. Um yup.

I've been having really bad headaches for months. Little numbness in my hands every now and again. The last Monday in May, I tried to give blood but my blood pressure was 152/104. To say the least they wouldn't let me give. So I went ahead with the kids and went to the movies.

On Tuesday, I didn't feel right so I let my supervisor know and went to the emergency room. My B/P was 152/98 when I got there. I was having that pins and needle feeling in my left arm. The doctor had me put on a heart monitor and hooked to an iv for fluids. They pulled some blood. He seemed to think it was just my B/P until they got the blood test results back. Everything was normal except I had troponin in my blood. Troponin is only supposed to be in your blood if you have had a heart attack or are going to have a heart attack. So they admitted me to the hospital. The next day, I had a echocardiogram and a stress test. Both turned out normal and later that day they released me with no answer about the troponin levels.

On Thursday, I was getting ready for work when I had an intense pain across the center of my back. I thought geez, I really slept well to cause this much pain in my back. But the pain started getting worse, and then I started thinking women present for heart attacks in their back. I'm pretty sure I panicked because then I started feeling tightness in the chest. I dropped Chaz at school and called a friend to come and pick up Breezy from the hospital.

By the time I got to the ER, my B/P was 198/100. They pulled some blood again, started a heart monitor and iv. Again, there was troponin in my blood but everything else looked ok. I explained what was going on and they decided to send me to a local hospital via ambulance.

Off to the hospital I go. Thank goodness they don't run sirens when they transport someone like that. whew! Within 30 minutes of arriving at the hospital, the cardiologist on call had me in for a heart catheterization. Everything normal. He scheduled me for a CT scan at 5 a.m. the next morning. They slapped nitro patches on me and kept me on the heart monitor all night. Put me on blood pressure medications.

The next morning, the tech came in to take me for the CT scan. I was back in my room by 6. Then I waited. And waited and waited. The doctor never did show up. When I asked about him, I was told he hadn't made rounds of the floor yet. By the time they paged him and he returned the page, he was over 40 miles from Pensacola. He told them to release me, my tests were fine. Excuse me? Did I miss something? To say the least I was pissed.

A friend called someone at the hospital who worked there and she came to see me. They paged the doctor again. He finally called back and said he had the ER doctor write me a prescription for the blood pressure medications and that when he came to see me I was having a test done. Don't even get me started on that comment. I left the hospital over 12 hours after the CT scan with two prescriptions for the blood pressure medications. As I was being discharged, the nurse told me that my troponin levels were normal and had been since just after I arrived at the hospital the day before. Do you think maybe someone should have told me earlier?

I am grateful to God that I am ok. I'm 45 years old and now know that both my heart and lungs are in good condition. I am slowly losing weight (4 pounds already). I'm eatting better. Moving more. I thank God that I will be around for my children.

Last week, I went to a funeral for a friend's nephew. He was under 20 and had committed suicide. Wow! My heart goes out to the family for the unanswered questions left by his death. It was a tough funeral to attend. It was also the first funeral Chaz and Breezy have been to.

After the funeral, I called the kids dad to again encourage him to stay in contact with them. Let him know that they both have Facebook accounts with dozens of pictures. He told me they had trouble connecting to Facebook. (Only people I know with that particular problem.)

They have both had cell phones for 22 months and in all that time he has called 3 times total. I received an email the next day saying not to contact him any longer and if the kids wanted to talk to him that they could call.

How could you not want to keep contact with two of the most amazing kids ever? That's not just my opinion as a Mom. That is the report of everyone who works with them, mentors them, loves them. Amazing children. And I'm angry all over again at him.

So, I'm preparing a draft message to respond to him with. I'll save it. One of these days, I'll need it when they start asking questions. A friend is reviewing it with me to make sure I don't let my emotions override what needs to be said.

I also talked to that friend about what would happen if something happened to me. She told me that she and her husband had already discussed it. They would like the kids to come live with them. I talked to it with Breezy a little bit. She is good with that idea. I've not talked to Chaz about it. After we discuss it, I will be having my will prepared and select the executor of the estate.

Other than that, the last month and a half haven't been bad. I've taken a lot of pictures. I recently figured out how many I have posted on Facebook. Over 2000. One day I'd love to own a DSLR camera (with an autofocus mode too) to take better pictures. My daddy was a photographer on the side. He took beautiful pictures. My mother is a great photographer as well. This apple didn't fall too far from the tree. I'd love to take professional portrait photos, landscape, animals, whatever. Just let me take some pictures.



Saw Joshua Stevens, Steven Cochran and John Michael Montgomery in concert at the base with my sister. Incredible concert. Steven Cochran has quite the testimony. A tour in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was injured in Afghanistan and he said he woke up a month later at Bethesda. He said he was told he would never walk again. He's walking and talking and singing. God is good.

Ah, but Eli Stone was on last night. We watched. I still can't believe ABC canceled it. I'll be sending them another email. It was great!

Chaz and Breezy will be attending a youth conference at the church on Monday and Tuesday. Then Wednesday - Saturday they will be at a worship conference. They are pretty excited about it.

Today, they are spending time with friends out on the water. I thank God for the incredible mentors he has placed in their lives. People who care and show that they care.

I miss you Daddy.

geez

does it get any less busy?

School is nearly out. Only 11 1/2 more days. I will be working summer school though. I'm looking forward to it. It's at one of the best elementary schools I've ever been in!

Breezy and Chaz have been playing soccer. Chaz however is out for the rest of the season after a football injury.

Chaz tried out for wide receiver on the high school team and ended up at defensive end. On Friday, he wanted to skip since he didn't make the spring team but I wouldn't let him. During practice, he broke his left index finger.

We spent 5 hours in the emergency room on Friday night/Saturday morning. They splinted him up and gave us a referral to orthopedics. That appointment was today. He will have to have surgery on his finger. He broke the phalanx between the 1st and 2nd knuckles. The break is so close to the end of the finger that just casting it won't fix it. So on Thursday, he will go in for surgery and have pins put in his finger.

So, for the next 3-6 weeks, no sports and he won't be able to play his guitar either. He's not particularly happy with me either because I made him go to practice.

I had a long rant for this but have calmed down enough not to vent it right now. Maybe if it comes up again and is fresh then I will.

For now, keep us in your prayers.

Happy Birthday Chaz

My baby turned 16. He's not so much of a baby anymore! We are going to O'Charleys for dinner.

After trying out for soccer, he has decided that he wants to play basketball instead. It's been a rough two days because of the way this was announced. He made the varsity soccer team and now we need to tell coach he isn't going to play. Chaz thinks he will have better chance at a basketball scholarship than at a soccer scholarship. I don't know. The only person I knew to ask passed away last year. He was a scout for several universitys/colleges.

Anyway, more later. Niters.

Another month gone...

School is out. First week of summer is over. Summer reading camp starts next week. Two weddings down. Several to go.

did I say it's the summer of the weddings? Two in May. Two in June (not counting the one I missed). Two in July. All friends or children of friends. Or in the case of the one yesterday, a nephew. It's crazy.

And lately, I pray that God will bring someone for the kids and I. I've been reading a book called "How to live well as a Single Mom." And today, I was wondering just how well-adjusted my children are. Are they tramatized by the divorce and I just don't realize it? Are they understanding of relationships? Do they have godly role models to follow? Am I missing something that they need?

So much turmoil lately as well. A friend whose 17 year old daughter is pregnant (and I've heard of one more who is pregnant). Another friend is in the midst of a bankruptcy that they never saw coming. The friends who are ill. I know that there are things going on in the heavenlies and on earth but so many prayers are needed.

back later.

interesting....

week. Work was slower than usual. Thank goodness. FCATs are coming up in a few weeks and things will be slower then. While I'm not fond of FCATs, I do enjoy the quiet.

Breezy and I have had our go arounds this week. Hearing her tell me to "shut my mouth" was one of the highlights. It took a lot of restraint not to hit her. She ended up grounded. When she apologized she told me she understood that she still could not go to the birthday party that was being held on Sunday. However, when Sunday rolled around, it got ugly. From "I hate my life" to "you hate me" were things I heard. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't listen to a lot and finally I gave up and walked out of her room. About an hour later, she came out of her room and apologized. She climbed in my lap and we talked for 20 minutes or so. I talked to her about punishment and how it isn't right for me to let her do everything she wants to. I talked to her about responsibilities and the differences in how I grew up and how she is being raised. The difference between being grounded and being beaten. The differences of growing up with alcoholism and carrying more responsibility than a child should have to carry. I think we made some headway. Time will tell.

Breezy has band practice today.

Chaz has a soccer game in Niceville. I can't say that I'm particularly happy about the soccer season. I've seen more poor sportsmanship and lack of respect than I've ever seen on a playing field. From the player who stood beside Chaz on the field and called him "fag" the entire game to the junior varsity players on a different team sitting in the bleachers yelling "wanker" at the referees. Players from our own team acting like jerks when they ate out while on the road and acting so badly that the school was called and a complaint filed. The results of the complaint is that the boys can no longer eat out when they are on the road. Then there was the player who put plastic in the tail pipe of the bus as he came off the bus. I saw 7 yellow cards fly at the last game. There were actually punches thrown on the field and yellow cards given. The players who were yellow carded played the second half of the game. Hello? What happened to accountability? I'm at a loss as how to handle what I've seen occur this season. Chaz on the other hand is optimistic of the things to come next season. My hope and prayer is for accountability for both the players and coaches, better coaching, and better refereeing.

Anyway, gotta go for now.

worship

If anyone reading is a praying person, please keep my friend KB's son in your prayers. He is an autistic adult who has been living up north for all of his life. He has recently become homeless and his caseworker cannot find him. His Mom is worried sick. The temperatures in their area has been in the 30's. Please pray that he is found quickly and in good health and for KB to have peace. Thank you.

I'm sitting at church listening to the youth band warm up for the worship service tonight. It blows me away every time how good they are and how they lead the youth (and grown-ups) into the presence of God. Gives me goosebumps thinking about it. I'm ready for tonight's worship.

Tomorrow night is night of worship for big church. All three campus worship leaders get together to lead worship for an hour and a half. Very good.

Report cards came out last week. Breezy made A/B honor roll (GPA: 3.71). Chaz had 3 A's, 3 B's and 1 C (GPA: 3/14). This is much better for both of them this year. I'm so proud of them. Yah!

Almost time for me to go pick Chaz up from his soccer practice. His first official game is tomorrow. He's going to be playing with jv. Later.

catching up....

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Couple things I had forgotten to post.

1. I've been saved 5 years today. God chose me first. I didn't chose him first. I have been reminded of this in the last couple weeks and it's true. While I know I have grown in my walk with God, I still feel I am missing alot. There are things I could do to help grow more but I let time slip through my fingers way too often. Thank you God for your mercy and grace.

2. I paid off my van last Saturday. Yes, the van that was nearly repossessed in February. Got the title. Thank you Lord.

3. Breezy and Chaz will be flying to WA/OR to see their Dad and his side of the family in a couple weeks and will be gone for 27 days. In 2001, they saw their Dad in England for a month. In 2002, they stayed with my sister for two weeks. Since then, the longest I have gone without seeing them has 3 days for Night of Joy at Disney and 2 days for ATF. They spend the night with friends regularly but that's not the same. This is a major step for me. Letting them go this time is hard. They are older. They will have access to stuff I know they shouldn't be seeing or partaking of. Prayer. A lot of it. Breezy and Chaz have been praying about visiting with their Dad for years. I know because a friend of mine who works with children and youth ministry has heard their prayer requests.

4. School gets out on Thursday. I'll be out for the last week of May and go back to work on the 4th of June. I'll be running a clinic for summer school.

5. There is a teacher at the school who I think is flirting with me. You know it's been a while since I've been out or flirted that I don't realize it until I walk away and think about it for 10-15 minutes. Duh. Flirting used to be a huge part of my life before I met the kid's Dad. After we separated in 2000, it became part of my life again. In 2002, I stopped flirting. Every now and then I catch myself and think man, what are you doing?

6. I get my glasses this week! YAHOO! I'll be able to read without fighting to focus!

7. I went to the beach yesterday for the first time in years (other than church picnics). I'm not particularly fond of sand but it was nice out and the kids wanted to go. They were with the "other Deb" and she called to say she'd take them. I ended up meeting them at the base. I got some great pictures of Breezy, a few of Chaz, and some super pics of the base lighthouse. You know, the one that they no longer do tours of? I'm glad we climbed it years ago.

8. Last but not least, se are praying for a friend at our church. The prognosis is not good. We are believing for a miracle. She and her husband are children's pastors. She is a home-schooling mom. One of the sweetest people I have ever met. She is in hospice care as of this weekend. Prayer. A lot of it is needed. Her name is Nan.