Monday, March 22, 2010
So I sit around and play with photoshop elements when my mind is busy. It seems so strange at times. I know I hear God. But two days ago, I did the flowering tree branch with "Mercy" on it. And on Sunday both at small group and church, I heard about mercy.
Sanctification has been on my mind the last week or so. Am I allowing myself to be sanctified in Christ? Or am I fighting every step of the way because of the hurt I've felt over the last couple years?
I almost feel as if I am regressing rather than progressing. God, I really need to get over this place.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
carts and horses
Today, I got the cart before the horse. Not the first time but probably the worse time.
I am considering a job change. I have a bit of work to do on my resume but it will be ready to submit on Friday. I'm going to apply for 2 or 3 jobs at a local university. Administrative type positions.
The benefits, pay, and working environment are good. No shelter duty either. I know several people who already work there are love it. It would give me employment over the summer as well.
My cart before the horse moment occurred when I let my supervisor know I was going to send in several applications. I've been told that was a really bad thing to do. I think I did it more out of guilt for wanting to leave before the school year is out.
I've been miserable lately. I know I work for God. His opinion is what counts. But lately, it seems there is pretty much nothing I can do that is right. I talk to almost nothing but pre-teens all day long. I don't mind doing behind the scenes work but the last year has been rough. If I screw up, go ahead and chew on me. But when I'm getting chewed for things I didn't do, I'm kind of over it. I'm tired of pre-teen attitude, pants to the knees, and a hundred other things. And I know it's not really a hundred other things but I am tired. Probably the least appreciated job I've ever done. I truly don't feel like I make any difference to anyone there. Is that such a bad feeling? Am I wrong to feel this way?
I'm also ready to go to college. I believe I've finally got it figured out. I want to study Library Science (maybe specializing in Research) with Art on the side. I wanted to be a librarian most of my childhood. I love books, libraries and everything to do with libraries.
We'll see. So if anyone is still around, please say a prayer for me. I've been told my cart before the horse moment could be costly.
I am considering a job change. I have a bit of work to do on my resume but it will be ready to submit on Friday. I'm going to apply for 2 or 3 jobs at a local university. Administrative type positions.
The benefits, pay, and working environment are good. No shelter duty either. I know several people who already work there are love it. It would give me employment over the summer as well.
My cart before the horse moment occurred when I let my supervisor know I was going to send in several applications. I've been told that was a really bad thing to do. I think I did it more out of guilt for wanting to leave before the school year is out.
I've been miserable lately. I know I work for God. His opinion is what counts. But lately, it seems there is pretty much nothing I can do that is right. I talk to almost nothing but pre-teens all day long. I don't mind doing behind the scenes work but the last year has been rough. If I screw up, go ahead and chew on me. But when I'm getting chewed for things I didn't do, I'm kind of over it. I'm tired of pre-teen attitude, pants to the knees, and a hundred other things. And I know it's not really a hundred other things but I am tired. Probably the least appreciated job I've ever done. I truly don't feel like I make any difference to anyone there. Is that such a bad feeling? Am I wrong to feel this way?
I'm also ready to go to college. I believe I've finally got it figured out. I want to study Library Science (maybe specializing in Research) with Art on the side. I wanted to be a librarian most of my childhood. I love books, libraries and everything to do with libraries.
We'll see. So if anyone is still around, please say a prayer for me. I've been told my cart before the horse moment could be costly.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Crazy as it may seem, this song comes to mind a lot when I see frost on the ground. It's an old song. It was a number one in 1974.
Country Bumpkin
Cal Smith
Words and Music by Don Wayne
He walked into the bar and parked his lanky frame upon a tall barstool
And with a long soft Southern drawl said
"I'll just have a glass of anything that's cool"
A barroom girl with hard and knowing eyes slowly looked him up and down
And she thought "I wonder how on earth
That country bumpkin found his way to town"
She said "Hello, country bumpkin"
"How's the frost out on the pumpkin?"
"I've seen some sights but, man, you're somethin'"
"Where'd ya come from, country bumpkin?"
It was just a short year later in a bed of joy-filled tears yet death-like pain
Into this wondrous world of many wonders one more wonder came
That same woman's face was wrapped up
In a raptured look of love and tenderness
As she marveled at the soft and warm and cuddly boy-child feeding at her breast
And she said "Hello, country bumpkin"
"Fresh as frost out on the pumpkin"
"I've seen some sights but, babe, you're somethin'"
"Mamma loves her country bumpkin"
Forty years of hard work later in a simple, quiet and peaceful country place
The heavy hand of time had not erased
The raptured wonder from the woman's face
She was lying on her deathbed knowing fully well her race was nearly run
But she softly smiled and looked into the sad eyes of her husband and her son
And she said "So long, country bumpkin"
"The frost is gone now from on the pumpkin"
"I've seen some sights and life's been somethin'"
"See you later, country bumpkin"
She said "So long, country bumpkin"
"The frost is gone now from on the pumpkin"
FADE
"I've seen some sights and life's been somethin'"
Cal Smith
Words and Music by Don Wayne
He walked into the bar and parked his lanky frame upon a tall barstool
And with a long soft Southern drawl said
"I'll just have a glass of anything that's cool"
A barroom girl with hard and knowing eyes slowly looked him up and down
And she thought "I wonder how on earth
That country bumpkin found his way to town"
She said "Hello, country bumpkin"
"How's the frost out on the pumpkin?"
"I've seen some sights but, man, you're somethin'"
"Where'd ya come from, country bumpkin?"
It was just a short year later in a bed of joy-filled tears yet death-like pain
Into this wondrous world of many wonders one more wonder came
That same woman's face was wrapped up
In a raptured look of love and tenderness
As she marveled at the soft and warm and cuddly boy-child feeding at her breast
And she said "Hello, country bumpkin"
"Fresh as frost out on the pumpkin"
"I've seen some sights but, babe, you're somethin'"
"Mamma loves her country bumpkin"
Forty years of hard work later in a simple, quiet and peaceful country place
The heavy hand of time had not erased
The raptured wonder from the woman's face
She was lying on her deathbed knowing fully well her race was nearly run
But she softly smiled and looked into the sad eyes of her husband and her son
And she said "So long, country bumpkin"
"The frost is gone now from on the pumpkin"
"I've seen some sights and life's been somethin'"
"See you later, country bumpkin"
She said "So long, country bumpkin"
"The frost is gone now from on the pumpkin"
FADE
"I've seen some sights and life's been somethin'"
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
God is Good
The year started most interestingly. Our church participated in Awaken21, a call to a 21 day fast for our nation, world, city, families, churches. We started with a Daniel fast but had to modify it after 3 days for various reasons. It wasn't perfect but it was good. It was the first fast for Chaz and Breezy. I think there was some breakthrough for all of us.
Chaz will turn 18 this year. He still has not gotten his learner's permit but now has extra incentive. He has been given a truck. Tomorrow, the title will be signed over to me so I can get it registered and insured. Chaz will get his learner's permit next week or the week after and when he turns 18, he will get his license and start driving he and his sister to school. I will add him to the title then and eventually, he will have the title only in his name. God is so awesome. Our friends are amazing for being willing to listen to God and give him the truck. What a blessing!
My kids have changed so much over the last year. They have such a heart for God. They started in children's ministry when they were still part of children's ministry. Now they are part of a band and have a real live album. Their cd release concert was this past Sunday and it was amazing. There are 10 young people in the band and it gives new meaning to the term "big band!" LOL They are so talented. I love these kids!
WinterJam is next weekend. We all will have the day off. We're going to sit outside the Mitchell Center all day to be sure we get in. We'll have pizza delivered for lunch. Walk down the hill for bathroom breaks. Take a football and soccer ball for entertainment for the kids. It is good. The bands? Third Day, Newsong, Newboys, Tenth Avenue North, Side Walk Prophets. It is good.
Week after next, both Chaz and I will have Ortho appointments for our left knees. We'll see what happens.
Chaz will turn 18 this year. He still has not gotten his learner's permit but now has extra incentive. He has been given a truck. Tomorrow, the title will be signed over to me so I can get it registered and insured. Chaz will get his learner's permit next week or the week after and when he turns 18, he will get his license and start driving he and his sister to school. I will add him to the title then and eventually, he will have the title only in his name. God is so awesome. Our friends are amazing for being willing to listen to God and give him the truck. What a blessing!
My kids have changed so much over the last year. They have such a heart for God. They started in children's ministry when they were still part of children's ministry. Now they are part of a band and have a real live album. Their cd release concert was this past Sunday and it was amazing. There are 10 young people in the band and it gives new meaning to the term "big band!" LOL They are so talented. I love these kids!
WinterJam is next weekend. We all will have the day off. We're going to sit outside the Mitchell Center all day to be sure we get in. We'll have pizza delivered for lunch. Walk down the hill for bathroom breaks. Take a football and soccer ball for entertainment for the kids. It is good. The bands? Third Day, Newsong, Newboys, Tenth Avenue North, Side Walk Prophets. It is good.
Week after next, both Chaz and I will have Ortho appointments for our left knees. We'll see what happens.
Friday, January 08, 2010
Roll Tide Roll
That was a tough game to watch. I feel bad for Colt McCoy. He's done really well this year. The Freshman QB really stepped up.
But in the long run..... Roll Tide Roll.
But in the long run..... Roll Tide Roll.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
My letter to Fujifilm:
Dear Fujifilm,
I love my FinePix S700. Since purchasing it on March 19, 2008, I have taken over 20,000 pictures. Crazy I know.
I have several friends who purchased the same camera because they loved the pictures I took with this camera. I gave my daughter the S1500 for Christmas. She wanted a camera like mine so I got her the upgrade.
If you ever need samples, I'd love to share. There are over 3000 images on Facebook from my camera.
I do have a couple of questions though. Does the S700 have a "life expectancy?" My flash no longer pops up and when the camera is focusing I can hear it.
Thank you for making such a great product.
Dear Fujifilm,
I love my FinePix S700. Since purchasing it on March 19, 2008, I have taken over 20,000 pictures. Crazy I know.
I have several friends who purchased the same camera because they loved the pictures I took with this camera. I gave my daughter the S1500 for Christmas. She wanted a camera like mine so I got her the upgrade.
If you ever need samples, I'd love to share. There are over 3000 images on Facebook from my camera.
I do have a couple of questions though. Does the S700 have a "life expectancy?" My flash no longer pops up and when the camera is focusing I can hear it.
Thank you for making such a great product.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Pondering...
I'm been thinking on the things I'd like to accomplish in 2010. Not resolutions. Resolutions are broken so often. I'm talking about goals. I have several on my mind right now.
First, I want to get into college. I did the financial aid paperwork online a couple weeks ago. I prepared my application for the local university but have not submitted it yet. There are so many questions I have and until today I didn't really know where to go. I'm going to go the university this week and see an adviser about where to start.
Second, photography. I want to continue taking hundreds of pictures. Pictures of cats and trees, birds and window frames, adults and children, whatever comes my way that looks interesting. I'd like to be paid for the time I spend taking pictures. I often feel the pictures I take aren't good enough but lately, I'm happier with what I see.
The third goes along with the second. I wish to be fluent in PhotoShop and PhotoShop Elements. All the geeky little add-ons, filters, patterns, brushes, layers, those I want to use with an artistic eye.
Fourth, is to continue something I started this year but lost focus on. I want to continue to lose weight. I need to do this for my health, for my children, and for our future. I can do this. God is bigger than what I see here. He's bigger than this addiction to food I've had for most of my life. I can do this with his help.
Which leads to the Fifth. I want to run a 5K in 2010. Run. Not walk. No set date. Just in 2010. I've walked many 5K's in the past (mostly 1990's). It's time.
Sixth, I wish to be a better influence for my children. Is all that I do helping them? Am I walking the walk or just talking the talk? In order to lead my household by example, I have to be on the right page. Not the easy page. I've spent too many years on the easy page.
Seventh, HTML/CSS. I wanna remember HTML and learn CSS. It's time to build web pages again. Or at least my own blog layout.
Lastly, but definitely not last, where do I stand when it comes to God? There are days I feel so far away. This was a year of changes for us as a family and for me personally with God. I stayed angry most of the year at God and not particularly happy with my church family. The move we made in September to a different campus did wonders for my attitude and my growth. But I want to grow closer to God. Quiet time and devotion time have to be included in my schedule to make this happen. I have time for everything else. Why do I have so much difficulty putting time for God in there?
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Friends
I remember when I used to post several times a day every day. Of course, I was bi-polar/maniac depressive and angry at everyone and everything.
I was thinking about those first 2 years of blog entries yesterday as I was talking to my nurse. I can't even read those first two years worth of entries now. They are permeated with hate and anger at my ex and the world. Profanity abounded.
I am so grateful that God has cleaned up my mouth and changed the song in my heart. You realize how much you have changed when you get hurt. You go from saying "#@$%^ @##$" to saying "poop" or something else slightly less offensive. Yes, that's what I said when I hit the metal medication cart in my office. "Poop!" I actually cut my elbow and had to have help to get the coban around it to wrap it. The kids got a laugh out of it.
Chaz and Breezy are going to watch the Bama/Gator game today. Chaz is going to one household and Breezy will probably watch it with me.
I have through Facebook recently gotten in touch with a friend from Japan. She and I went through base indoctrination at Atsugi together. We hung out every day until the hubby got to Japan and then only hung out a couple times a month. She was such a great friend. She came to visit us while we lived in San Diego and then we lost contact. We have had some marvelous conversations catching up. Somehow, someway, the kids and I are going to go up and see her in Washington State. The kids will probably go visit their grandma while we are there.
Time to get around. I have got to clean the kitchen and put away some boxes so we can put up the Christmas tree. (All the shopping for the kids was done from a comfortable chair using the internet.)
Later.
I was thinking about those first 2 years of blog entries yesterday as I was talking to my nurse. I can't even read those first two years worth of entries now. They are permeated with hate and anger at my ex and the world. Profanity abounded.
I am so grateful that God has cleaned up my mouth and changed the song in my heart. You realize how much you have changed when you get hurt. You go from saying "#@$%^ @##$" to saying "poop" or something else slightly less offensive. Yes, that's what I said when I hit the metal medication cart in my office. "Poop!" I actually cut my elbow and had to have help to get the coban around it to wrap it. The kids got a laugh out of it.
Chaz and Breezy are going to watch the Bama/Gator game today. Chaz is going to one household and Breezy will probably watch it with me.
I have through Facebook recently gotten in touch with a friend from Japan. She and I went through base indoctrination at Atsugi together. We hung out every day until the hubby got to Japan and then only hung out a couple times a month. She was such a great friend. She came to visit us while we lived in San Diego and then we lost contact. We have had some marvelous conversations catching up. Somehow, someway, the kids and I are going to go up and see her in Washington State. The kids will probably go visit their grandma while we are there.
Time to get around. I have got to clean the kitchen and put away some boxes so we can put up the Christmas tree. (All the shopping for the kids was done from a comfortable chair using the internet.)
Later.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Hello Hurricane....
I bought this cd for Chaz. Love it! I particularly love the song Hello Hurricane.
Oh, I've been watching the skies
They've been turning blood red
Not a doubt in my mind anymore
There's a storm up ahead
Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
Oh (my love)
Oh
Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I started building
I counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away
Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love
I'm a fighter fighting for control
I'm a fighter fighting for my soul
Everything inside of me surrenders
You can't silence my love
Oh, oh, oh
Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love
It has been good. My Christmas shopping for Chaz and Breezy is finished. I have several gifts I want to get for friends and several I want to make. I want to make a couple brooches for friends. Not sure what materials yet but ideas are flowing.
They've been turning blood red
Not a doubt in my mind anymore
There's a storm up ahead
Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
Oh (my love)
Oh
Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I started building
I counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away
Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love
I'm a fighter fighting for control
I'm a fighter fighting for my soul
Everything inside of me surrenders
You can't silence my love
Oh, oh, oh
Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love
It has been good. My Christmas shopping for Chaz and Breezy is finished. I have several gifts I want to get for friends and several I want to make. I want to make a couple brooches for friends. Not sure what materials yet but ideas are flowing.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Very long weekend began today. Tomorrow, Chaz, Breezy and I will head to Alabama for Thanksgiving. Friday we will go to my other sister's home for the Iron Bowl.
Things I forgot the other day...
Got a new laptop. It's a Toshiba and it's powerful. I just need to find the last graphic program disk to have all my graphic programs on it.
Work has been incredibly busy. Saw nearly 150 kids total in the last 2 days alone! I think last month set the all time record for visits to the clinic. Over 2000!!!!! Yikes!
Chaz and Breezy are both playing soccer. Last night's game with Chaz was nerve wracking. I cannot believe how poor the sportsmanship was and I wasn't particularly impressed with the ref either. I'm usually all for playing hard. But I'm of the opinion now that every now and again, the head of the referees should come watch a game unannounced so he/she can observe the calls being made on the field.
Spent an hour of Sunday evening at my 4th favorite place.... the ER with Chaz. We thought he broke his right thumb. Fortunately it's only sprained.
Almost time for me to go get the kids from youth. Have a marvelous Thanksgiving.
Today I am grateful for family, friends, my church, a job, a vehicle, a laptop, and the kids' Christmas shopping being done! I am grateful that God loves me no matter what.
Things I forgot the other day...
Got a new laptop. It's a Toshiba and it's powerful. I just need to find the last graphic program disk to have all my graphic programs on it.
Work has been incredibly busy. Saw nearly 150 kids total in the last 2 days alone! I think last month set the all time record for visits to the clinic. Over 2000!!!!! Yikes!
Chaz and Breezy are both playing soccer. Last night's game with Chaz was nerve wracking. I cannot believe how poor the sportsmanship was and I wasn't particularly impressed with the ref either. I'm usually all for playing hard. But I'm of the opinion now that every now and again, the head of the referees should come watch a game unannounced so he/she can observe the calls being made on the field.
Spent an hour of Sunday evening at my 4th favorite place.... the ER with Chaz. We thought he broke his right thumb. Fortunately it's only sprained.
Almost time for me to go get the kids from youth. Have a marvelous Thanksgiving.
Today I am grateful for family, friends, my church, a job, a vehicle, a laptop, and the kids' Christmas shopping being done! I am grateful that God loves me no matter what.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wow! almost 2 months without a post. I'll start with this:
It has been a good 2 months. We are still at the Foley campus. Empty Page's cd has gone off for mastering. Should everything else go as planned, they'll have a cd by the end of December! We have started pre-selling the cds.
Breezy has finished playing volleyball. For a short time she was playing nearly 5 hours of volleyball a day!!!
Chaz and Breezy are both playing soccer. They had games tonight. They are now in Panama City for a birthday party. Yah.
I am sitting here watching Star Trek and uploading cd's onto my laptop. Yes I got a new laptop. The old one has a trojan horse that I cannot get off without reformatting. I managed to save all my data fortunately. I even "skinned" the new one. It's beautimous!
It seems that twittering at 140 characters at a time has left me wordless for anything longer at the moment. How strange. Speechless on my blog.
It has been a good 2 months. We are still at the Foley campus. Empty Page's cd has gone off for mastering. Should everything else go as planned, they'll have a cd by the end of December! We have started pre-selling the cds.
Breezy has finished playing volleyball. For a short time she was playing nearly 5 hours of volleyball a day!!!
Chaz and Breezy are both playing soccer. They had games tonight. They are now in Panama City for a birthday party. Yah.
I am sitting here watching Star Trek and uploading cd's onto my laptop. Yes I got a new laptop. The old one has a trojan horse that I cannot get off without reformatting. I managed to save all my data fortunately. I even "skinned" the new one. It's beautimous!
It seems that twittering at 140 characters at a time has left me wordless for anything longer at the moment. How strange. Speechless on my blog.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Change has come. The kids and I officially started at our Foley campus on the 20th. It is awesome. I actually want to go to church for the first time in ages. It had reached a point that I was miserable.
And today (or rather yesterday), God reminded me that I knew in January/February that I was supposed to let go of the position I had at the church in August. When I didn't let go because I thought I had to have the income, it had to become miserable enough to let go.
I am grateful I let go. I feel like we turned the page and are in a new chapter of our lives. Thank you God for putting up with me when I'm hard headed.
In other things, we did get to go to Night of Joy. Other than the teenage D-R-A-M-A, it was a great trip. I spent most of the trip alone and it was a wonderful thing. I took over 900 pictures in EPCOT and Animal Kingdom. I need to get them modified to update my facebook page. I also have already set up our finances to pay for next years trip so that it won't be such a burden when it gets close to time to go.
Work is going well. Busy but well. I can deal with that.
Been downloading my music from iTunes lately. For the cost of an album that may have only 1 or 2 songs I like, I can get up to 10 songs that I really want. And I'm actually dropping them to disk so I can hear them in the car and at home. Yah for technology!
The following lyrics are from TobyMac's new song "City on Our Knees."
If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh
Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
Tonight could last forever
Ooh
Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
As family
We’re family
Oh Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
You and me
Ya, you and me
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide
In a glorious display
Cuz its all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
If we gotta start somewhere why not here
If we gotta start sometime why not now
And today (or rather yesterday), God reminded me that I knew in January/February that I was supposed to let go of the position I had at the church in August. When I didn't let go because I thought I had to have the income, it had to become miserable enough to let go.
I am grateful I let go. I feel like we turned the page and are in a new chapter of our lives. Thank you God for putting up with me when I'm hard headed.
In other things, we did get to go to Night of Joy. Other than the teenage D-R-A-M-A, it was a great trip. I spent most of the trip alone and it was a wonderful thing. I took over 900 pictures in EPCOT and Animal Kingdom. I need to get them modified to update my facebook page. I also have already set up our finances to pay for next years trip so that it won't be such a burden when it gets close to time to go.
Work is going well. Busy but well. I can deal with that.
Been downloading my music from iTunes lately. For the cost of an album that may have only 1 or 2 songs I like, I can get up to 10 songs that I really want. And I'm actually dropping them to disk so I can hear them in the car and at home. Yah for technology!
The following lyrics are from TobyMac's new song "City on Our Knees."
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh
Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
Tonight could last forever
Ooh
Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
As family
We’re family
Oh Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
You and me
Ya, you and me
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide
In a glorious display
Cuz its all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
If we gotta start somewhere why not here
If we gotta start sometime why not now
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I once said the only way I'd leave my church is if God forced me to go somewhere else or I married.
Well, I haven't married. But I do feel as if I am being forced out. I prepared a draft of my two weeks notice resignation letter this morning. I feel like crying nearly every time I come through the door lately.
The kids and I are going to start attending one of our other campuses starting the 20th of September. They already love it at the other campus. I've never been but I'm willing to take the chance on it. Everyone I know who has attended there is very pleased. We will still be associated with our church, just a different campus.
School is back in session. Great update on the Novel H1N1 influenza. This may be the first year in over 15 years that I get a flu shot! (kids too!)
Well, I haven't married. But I do feel as if I am being forced out. I prepared a draft of my two weeks notice resignation letter this morning. I feel like crying nearly every time I come through the door lately.
The kids and I are going to start attending one of our other campuses starting the 20th of September. They already love it at the other campus. I've never been but I'm willing to take the chance on it. Everyone I know who has attended there is very pleased. We will still be associated with our church, just a different campus.
School is back in session. Great update on the Novel H1N1 influenza. This may be the first year in over 15 years that I get a flu shot! (kids too!)
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Angels Sing
I heard this song on Power 88, my favorite radio station. Angels Sing by Press Play.
Believe in me in my unbelief
Strengthen me when I'm so weak
You know I love you
And you light the corners of darkness in my life
You answer when no one can hear my
Cry for my rescue
The clouds open up and my world sees a savior
Chorus:
And you make the angels stand and sing
You make heavenly melodies
You make my life forever free
You know I love you
You know I love you
You make everything wonderful
You make each day more beautiful
You make life unbelievable
You know I love you
You know I love you
Bridge:
Angels will bow at your feet as they worship
Heavens will open the gates show their splendor
The earth starts to rumble our loved ones we welcome
Trumpets will thunder my world sees a savior.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I will start with gratitude today. I am so grateful for Chaz and Breezy being healthy and following God. I am grateful for a home, electricity, a vehicle to get to work and to church. Grateful for my church family. Grateful for books. I am thankful for a great family.
~
Chaz and Breezy went to North Carolina last week. They had an amazing time. Their friend Sethie got to go with them. One of the guys from the north campus went with them. he's the one who found out about the conference and we were blessed enough to have Chaz, Breezy, and Sethie included. Yah! Next year, Chaz will get to help plan it.
Summer school is over. No regular work until late August. Praying for grace and provision from God to make it through September on what we have. Or what He will provide.
Death. We have had several deaths at church in the last week. A friend who is a couple years younger than me and a child less than one year old. It is so sad. I have been to more funerals in the last 2 years than I have the first 43 years of my life. I don't understand.
And another thing I don't understand. We always tell people they will see their loved ones again in heaven, that they will be together again. But in Matthew 22, it says:
23 That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. 24 "Teacher," they said, "Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. 25 Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. 26 The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. 27 Finally, the woman died. 28 Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?"
29 Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30 At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. 31 But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, 32'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'[a]? He is not the God of the dead but of the living."
33 When the crowds heard this, they were astonished at his teaching.
So... then when I get to heaven I won't know my Daddy? my Grandma? my children? I don't understand.
And so there is where my mind is today.
~
Chaz and Breezy went to North Carolina last week. They had an amazing time. Their friend Sethie got to go with them. One of the guys from the north campus went with them. he's the one who found out about the conference and we were blessed enough to have Chaz, Breezy, and Sethie included. Yah! Next year, Chaz will get to help plan it.
Summer school is over. No regular work until late August. Praying for grace and provision from God to make it through September on what we have. Or what He will provide.
Death. We have had several deaths at church in the last week. A friend who is a couple years younger than me and a child less than one year old. It is so sad. I have been to more funerals in the last 2 years than I have the first 43 years of my life. I don't understand.
And another thing I don't understand. We always tell people they will see their loved ones again in heaven, that they will be together again. But in Matthew 22, it says:
23 That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. 24 "Teacher," they said, "Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. 25 Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. 26 The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. 27 Finally, the woman died. 28 Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?"
29 Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30 At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. 31 But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, 32'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'[a]? He is not the God of the dead but of the living."
33 When the crowds heard this, they were astonished at his teaching.
So... then when I get to heaven I won't know my Daddy? my Grandma? my children? I don't understand.
And so there is where my mind is today.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Hero Arts Web Site and Stuff
First, Hero Arts is revealing their new web site on the 15th. They make beautiful rubber stamps and have fabulous stamping ideas! And they have a a fab blog too!
Chaz and Breezy are out of town at a conference. Actually, they're way outta town! As in outta state and several away. They got to go to a YMCA Christian Values Conference. 5 days in the Blue Ridge Mountains! I'm thinking I wanna go next year!
Summer school will be over Thursday. It's been busier since they have 4 times as many students as they have had in previous years. But I did get a little bit of crafting time. Made some lanyards to sell, a couple necklaces, 130+ tags to write on, and about 20 handmade cards using pictures I took and modified or rubber stamps. They turned out great!
I got to see the last episode of Eli Stone online today. I really enjoyed it. I'm sad that it's over and disappointed that there are no more episodes. Still not sure what to do about my general boycott of ABC.
I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop reading blogs, facebook, listening to music and thinking I really should eat an earlier dinner tonight.
And today, I'm thankful to God for the summer work and believing He will provide the rest of the summer. I'm grateful the kids got the opportunity to go to this conference (and a friend too).
Chaz and Breezy are out of town at a conference. Actually, they're way outta town! As in outta state and several away. They got to go to a YMCA Christian Values Conference. 5 days in the Blue Ridge Mountains! I'm thinking I wanna go next year!
Summer school will be over Thursday. It's been busier since they have 4 times as many students as they have had in previous years. But I did get a little bit of crafting time. Made some lanyards to sell, a couple necklaces, 130+ tags to write on, and about 20 handmade cards using pictures I took and modified or rubber stamps. They turned out great!
I got to see the last episode of Eli Stone online today. I really enjoyed it. I'm sad that it's over and disappointed that there are no more episodes. Still not sure what to do about my general boycott of ABC.
I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop reading blogs, facebook, listening to music and thinking I really should eat an earlier dinner tonight.
And today, I'm thankful to God for the summer work and believing He will provide the rest of the summer. I'm grateful the kids got the opportunity to go to this conference (and a friend too).
Sunday, June 21, 2009
whew, long time
I know, I know. it's been a while. A long while.
Much has happened. School is out. I spent the last week of the school year in the hospital. Um yup.
I've been having really bad headaches for months. Little numbness in my hands every now and again. The last Monday in May, I tried to give blood but my blood pressure was 152/104. To say the least they wouldn't let me give. So I went ahead with the kids and went to the movies.
On Tuesday, I didn't feel right so I let my supervisor know and went to the emergency room. My B/P was 152/98 when I got there. I was having that pins and needle feeling in my left arm. The doctor had me put on a heart monitor and hooked to an iv for fluids. They pulled some blood. He seemed to think it was just my B/P until they got the blood test results back. Everything was normal except I had troponin in my blood. Troponin is only supposed to be in your blood if you have had a heart attack or are going to have a heart attack. So they admitted me to the hospital. The next day, I had a echocardiogram and a stress test. Both turned out normal and later that day they released me with no answer about the troponin levels.
On Thursday, I was getting ready for work when I had an intense pain across the center of my back. I thought geez, I really slept well to cause this much pain in my back. But the pain started getting worse, and then I started thinking women present for heart attacks in their back. I'm pretty sure I panicked because then I started feeling tightness in the chest. I dropped Chaz at school and called a friend to come and pick up Breezy from the hospital.
By the time I got to the ER, my B/P was 198/100. They pulled some blood again, started a heart monitor and iv. Again, there was troponin in my blood but everything else looked ok. I explained what was going on and they decided to send me to a local hospital via ambulance.
Off to the hospital I go. Thank goodness they don't run sirens when they transport someone like that. whew! Within 30 minutes of arriving at the hospital, the cardiologist on call had me in for a heart catheterization. Everything normal. He scheduled me for a CT scan at 5 a.m. the next morning. They slapped nitro patches on me and kept me on the heart monitor all night. Put me on blood pressure medications.
The next morning, the tech came in to take me for the CT scan. I was back in my room by 6. Then I waited. And waited and waited. The doctor never did show up. When I asked about him, I was told he hadn't made rounds of the floor yet. By the time they paged him and he returned the page, he was over 40 miles from Pensacola. He told them to release me, my tests were fine. Excuse me? Did I miss something? To say the least I was pissed.
A friend called someone at the hospital who worked there and she came to see me. They paged the doctor again. He finally called back and said he had the ER doctor write me a prescription for the blood pressure medications and that when he came to see me I was having a test done. Don't even get me started on that comment. I left the hospital over 12 hours after the CT scan with two prescriptions for the blood pressure medications. As I was being discharged, the nurse told me that my troponin levels were normal and had been since just after I arrived at the hospital the day before. Do you think maybe someone should have told me earlier?
I am grateful to God that I am ok. I'm 45 years old and now know that both my heart and lungs are in good condition. I am slowly losing weight (4 pounds already). I'm eatting better. Moving more. I thank God that I will be around for my children.
Last week, I went to a funeral for a friend's nephew. He was under 20 and had committed suicide. Wow! My heart goes out to the family for the unanswered questions left by his death. It was a tough funeral to attend. It was also the first funeral Chaz and Breezy have been to.
After the funeral, I called the kids dad to again encourage him to stay in contact with them. Let him know that they both have Facebook accounts with dozens of pictures. He told me they had trouble connecting to Facebook. (Only people I know with that particular problem.)
They have both had cell phones for 22 months and in all that time he has called 3 times total. I received an email the next day saying not to contact him any longer and if the kids wanted to talk to him that they could call.
How could you not want to keep contact with two of the most amazing kids ever? That's not just my opinion as a Mom. That is the report of everyone who works with them, mentors them, loves them. Amazing children. And I'm angry all over again at him.
So, I'm preparing a draft message to respond to him with. I'll save it. One of these days, I'll need it when they start asking questions. A friend is reviewing it with me to make sure I don't let my emotions override what needs to be said.
I also talked to that friend about what would happen if something happened to me. She told me that she and her husband had already discussed it. They would like the kids to come live with them. I talked to it with Breezy a little bit. She is good with that idea. I've not talked to Chaz about it. After we discuss it, I will be having my will prepared and select the executor of the estate.
Other than that, the last month and a half haven't been bad. I've taken a lot of pictures. I recently figured out how many I have posted on Facebook. Over 2000. One day I'd love to own a DSLR camera (with an autofocus mode too) to take better pictures. My daddy was a photographer on the side. He took beautiful pictures. My mother is a great photographer as well. This apple didn't fall too far from the tree. I'd love to take professional portrait photos, landscape, animals, whatever. Just let me take some pictures.
Saw Joshua Stevens, Steven Cochran and John Michael Montgomery in concert at the base with my sister. Incredible concert. Steven Cochran has quite the testimony. A tour in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was injured in Afghanistan and he said he woke up a month later at Bethesda. He said he was told he would never walk again. He's walking and talking and singing. God is good.
Ah, but Eli Stone was on last night. We watched. I still can't believe ABC canceled it. I'll be sending them another email. It was great!
Chaz and Breezy will be attending a youth conference at the church on Monday and Tuesday. Then Wednesday - Saturday they will be at a worship conference. They are pretty excited about it.
Today, they are spending time with friends out on the water. I thank God for the incredible mentors he has placed in their lives. People who care and show that they care.
I miss you Daddy.
Much has happened. School is out. I spent the last week of the school year in the hospital. Um yup.
I've been having really bad headaches for months. Little numbness in my hands every now and again. The last Monday in May, I tried to give blood but my blood pressure was 152/104. To say the least they wouldn't let me give. So I went ahead with the kids and went to the movies.
On Tuesday, I didn't feel right so I let my supervisor know and went to the emergency room. My B/P was 152/98 when I got there. I was having that pins and needle feeling in my left arm. The doctor had me put on a heart monitor and hooked to an iv for fluids. They pulled some blood. He seemed to think it was just my B/P until they got the blood test results back. Everything was normal except I had troponin in my blood. Troponin is only supposed to be in your blood if you have had a heart attack or are going to have a heart attack. So they admitted me to the hospital. The next day, I had a echocardiogram and a stress test. Both turned out normal and later that day they released me with no answer about the troponin levels.
On Thursday, I was getting ready for work when I had an intense pain across the center of my back. I thought geez, I really slept well to cause this much pain in my back. But the pain started getting worse, and then I started thinking women present for heart attacks in their back. I'm pretty sure I panicked because then I started feeling tightness in the chest. I dropped Chaz at school and called a friend to come and pick up Breezy from the hospital.
By the time I got to the ER, my B/P was 198/100. They pulled some blood again, started a heart monitor and iv. Again, there was troponin in my blood but everything else looked ok. I explained what was going on and they decided to send me to a local hospital via ambulance.
Off to the hospital I go. Thank goodness they don't run sirens when they transport someone like that. whew! Within 30 minutes of arriving at the hospital, the cardiologist on call had me in for a heart catheterization. Everything normal. He scheduled me for a CT scan at 5 a.m. the next morning. They slapped nitro patches on me and kept me on the heart monitor all night. Put me on blood pressure medications.
The next morning, the tech came in to take me for the CT scan. I was back in my room by 6. Then I waited. And waited and waited. The doctor never did show up. When I asked about him, I was told he hadn't made rounds of the floor yet. By the time they paged him and he returned the page, he was over 40 miles from Pensacola. He told them to release me, my tests were fine. Excuse me? Did I miss something? To say the least I was pissed.
A friend called someone at the hospital who worked there and she came to see me. They paged the doctor again. He finally called back and said he had the ER doctor write me a prescription for the blood pressure medications and that when he came to see me I was having a test done. Don't even get me started on that comment. I left the hospital over 12 hours after the CT scan with two prescriptions for the blood pressure medications. As I was being discharged, the nurse told me that my troponin levels were normal and had been since just after I arrived at the hospital the day before. Do you think maybe someone should have told me earlier?
I am grateful to God that I am ok. I'm 45 years old and now know that both my heart and lungs are in good condition. I am slowly losing weight (4 pounds already). I'm eatting better. Moving more. I thank God that I will be around for my children.
Last week, I went to a funeral for a friend's nephew. He was under 20 and had committed suicide. Wow! My heart goes out to the family for the unanswered questions left by his death. It was a tough funeral to attend. It was also the first funeral Chaz and Breezy have been to.
After the funeral, I called the kids dad to again encourage him to stay in contact with them. Let him know that they both have Facebook accounts with dozens of pictures. He told me they had trouble connecting to Facebook. (Only people I know with that particular problem.)
They have both had cell phones for 22 months and in all that time he has called 3 times total. I received an email the next day saying not to contact him any longer and if the kids wanted to talk to him that they could call.
How could you not want to keep contact with two of the most amazing kids ever? That's not just my opinion as a Mom. That is the report of everyone who works with them, mentors them, loves them. Amazing children. And I'm angry all over again at him.
So, I'm preparing a draft message to respond to him with. I'll save it. One of these days, I'll need it when they start asking questions. A friend is reviewing it with me to make sure I don't let my emotions override what needs to be said.
I also talked to that friend about what would happen if something happened to me. She told me that she and her husband had already discussed it. They would like the kids to come live with them. I talked to it with Breezy a little bit. She is good with that idea. I've not talked to Chaz about it. After we discuss it, I will be having my will prepared and select the executor of the estate.
Other than that, the last month and a half haven't been bad. I've taken a lot of pictures. I recently figured out how many I have posted on Facebook. Over 2000. One day I'd love to own a DSLR camera (with an autofocus mode too) to take better pictures. My daddy was a photographer on the side. He took beautiful pictures. My mother is a great photographer as well. This apple didn't fall too far from the tree. I'd love to take professional portrait photos, landscape, animals, whatever. Just let me take some pictures.
Saw Joshua Stevens, Steven Cochran and John Michael Montgomery in concert at the base with my sister. Incredible concert. Steven Cochran has quite the testimony. A tour in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was injured in Afghanistan and he said he woke up a month later at Bethesda. He said he was told he would never walk again. He's walking and talking and singing. God is good.
Ah, but Eli Stone was on last night. We watched. I still can't believe ABC canceled it. I'll be sending them another email. It was great!
Chaz and Breezy will be attending a youth conference at the church on Monday and Tuesday. Then Wednesday - Saturday they will be at a worship conference. They are pretty excited about it.
Today, they are spending time with friends out on the water. I thank God for the incredible mentors he has placed in their lives. People who care and show that they care.
I miss you Daddy.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
geez
does it get any less busy?
School is nearly out. Only 11 1/2 more days. I will be working summer school though. I'm looking forward to it. It's at one of the best elementary schools I've ever been in!
Breezy and Chaz have been playing soccer. Chaz however is out for the rest of the season after a football injury.
Chaz tried out for wide receiver on the high school team and ended up at defensive end. On Friday, he wanted to skip since he didn't make the spring team but I wouldn't let him. During practice, he broke his left index finger.
We spent 5 hours in the emergency room on Friday night/Saturday morning. They splinted him up and gave us a referral to orthopedics. That appointment was today. He will have to have surgery on his finger. He broke the phalanx between the 1st and 2nd knuckles. The break is so close to the end of the finger that just casting it won't fix it. So on Thursday, he will go in for surgery and have pins put in his finger.
So, for the next 3-6 weeks, no sports and he won't be able to play his guitar either. He's not particularly happy with me either because I made him go to practice.
I had a long rant for this but have calmed down enough not to vent it right now. Maybe if it comes up again and is fresh then I will.
For now, keep us in your prayers.
School is nearly out. Only 11 1/2 more days. I will be working summer school though. I'm looking forward to it. It's at one of the best elementary schools I've ever been in!
Breezy and Chaz have been playing soccer. Chaz however is out for the rest of the season after a football injury.
Chaz tried out for wide receiver on the high school team and ended up at defensive end. On Friday, he wanted to skip since he didn't make the spring team but I wouldn't let him. During practice, he broke his left index finger.
We spent 5 hours in the emergency room on Friday night/Saturday morning. They splinted him up and gave us a referral to orthopedics. That appointment was today. He will have to have surgery on his finger. He broke the phalanx between the 1st and 2nd knuckles. The break is so close to the end of the finger that just casting it won't fix it. So on Thursday, he will go in for surgery and have pins put in his finger.
So, for the next 3-6 weeks, no sports and he won't be able to play his guitar either. He's not particularly happy with me either because I made him go to practice.
I had a long rant for this but have calmed down enough not to vent it right now. Maybe if it comes up again and is fresh then I will.
For now, keep us in your prayers.
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