Pondering...

I'm been thinking on the things I'd like to accomplish in 2010. Not resolutions. Resolutions are broken so often. I'm talking about goals. I have several on my mind right now.

First, I want to get into college. I did the financial aid paperwork online a couple weeks ago. I prepared my application for the local university but have not submitted it yet. There are so many questions I have and until today I didn't really know where to go. I'm going to go the university this week and see an adviser about where to start.

Second, photography. I want to continue taking hundreds of pictures. Pictures of cats and trees, birds and window frames, adults and children, whatever comes my way that looks interesting. I'd like to be paid for the time I spend taking pictures. I often feel the pictures I take aren't good enough but lately, I'm happier with what I see.

The third goes along with the second. I wish to be fluent in PhotoShop and PhotoShop Elements. All the geeky little add-ons, filters, patterns, brushes, layers, those I want to use with an artistic eye.

Fourth, is to continue something I started this year but lost focus on. I want to continue to lose weight. I need to do this for my health, for my children, and for our future. I can do this. God is bigger than what I see here. He's bigger than this addiction to food I've had for most of my life. I can do this with his help.

Which leads to the Fifth. I want to run a 5K in 2010. Run. Not walk. No set date. Just in 2010. I've walked many 5K's in the past (mostly 1990's). It's time.

Sixth, I wish to be a better influence for my children. Is all that I do helping them? Am I walking the walk or just talking the talk? In order to lead my household by example, I have to be on the right page. Not the easy page. I've spent too many years on the easy page.

Seventh, HTML/CSS. I wanna remember HTML and learn CSS. It's time to build web pages again. Or at least my own blog layout.

Lastly, but definitely not last, where do I stand when it comes to God? There are days I feel so far away. This was a year of changes for us as a family and for me personally with God. I stayed angry most of the year at God and not particularly happy with my church family. The move we made in September to a different campus did wonders for my attitude and my growth. But I want to grow closer to God. Quiet time and devotion time have to be included in my schedule to make this happen. I have time for everything else. Why do I have so much difficulty putting time for God in there?

Well I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
And I can't begin to know what you're going through
And I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
So keep holding on

You got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Well it brings new life for your eyes to see
So remember what i told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you
So keep holding on
Keep holding on

So remember what i told you
There's so much your living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel for you
For you yeah
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shining bright at the end of this tunnel for you
For you yeah
There's a light at the end of this tunnel ooh
For you, for you yeah
Shinging bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holding on
Keep holding on
Keep holding on now

You got your disappointments and sorrows
I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you

Artist: Third Day from the "Wherever You Are" album

How can I be so encouraging to others yet so hard on my children and myself?

this morning...

I was thinking "how cool it is that God is in the small things?" I just can't get over the fish thing. God cared enough about Breezy's fish that He had a friend pick up two and "just happen" to have them in her car for 3 hours. If He cares that much about Breezy's fish, how much more does He care about me, Breezy, Chaz, and you?

Work was good today. My nurse made a run to the school warehouse several days ago to pick out a bigger desk, bookcase, chair, and storage cabinet for our offices. It was delivered this morning. The man who delivered it was really nice. Before he left, we offered him a cup of coffee that he took us up on. Sometimes, it's just nice to let someone know they are appreciated and he did a really good job hauling all that furniture in by himself (even with a dolly).

The kids are in the gym at church practicing to be a band. They have a name. They have talent. And they want to serve. Good enough. They finally get to practice together with real gear. Cool beans.

Me? I'm going to run by the house, check the mail and go have a cup of java. Yummy.

Other thoughts...

Yesterday, I ran by Walmart and talked to the guy who does glasses. When he saw the different strengths of the lenses, he suggested a contact for my left eye to correct for distance, then a pair of glasses to correct for near. That way there wouldn't be so much disparity between the eyes. I think the thing that has had me most aggravated about my current glasses is fact I can't really read out of the left eye. My eyes don't work together. My right eye is dominant although it is the lazy eye. When I get tired of reading with my right eye, I can cross my right eye and read with my left eye. Except that the script isn't to a point where I can focus on the words. So... When I get my eyes reexamined, he suggested the eye doctor where he worked at as she's pretty patient at getting the scripts right. Now to find out if Tricare will cover it.

That's all for now. Hopefully, when I get home, my ceiling fan will be installed so I can look at the really cool blades! LOL That will also mean I have better light in the living room so I can rubber stamp too!

I was thinking and reading my Bible this morning as I waited for the kids to wake up. And I realized that for the past several years, I've been living as if I don't deserve anything. I bought cheap plastic shelves to hold the vhs/dvd collection because I was living in a slum trailer and thought it (and I) didn't deserve any better.

A lot of the motions I've been going through and the things I've been doing have been because I didn't feel I was good enough.

Yesterday morning, Chaz, Breezy, and I went to visit a friend at the flea market/antique shop she works at part time. I found a fabulous shelf thingie in her booth and a beautiful retro table in another booth. I asked her to hold the shelf thingie and talked with the owner about the table. I've no idea how I'll afford it but I'm definitely thinking about it. We've not had a kitchen table in nearly 4 years. Tv trays have been the order of business at our house.

And we are not preparing a house, we are preparing a home.

Just a few thoughts to go with everything else that is running through my mind this morning.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15

I was thinking and reading my Bible this morning as I waited for the kids to wake up. And I realized that for the past several years, I've been living as if I don't deserve anything. I bought cheap plastic shelves to hold the vhs/dvd collection because I was living in a slum trailer and thought it (and I) didn't deserve any better.

A lot of the motions I've been going through and the things I've been doing have been because I didn't feel I was good enough.

Yesterday morning, Chaz, Breezy, and I went to visit a friend at the flea market/antique shop she works at part time. I found a fabulous shelf thingie in her booth and a beautiful retro table in another booth. I asked her to hold the shelf thingie and talked with the owner about the table. I've no idea how I'll afford it but I'm definitely thinking about it. We've not had a kitchen table in nearly 4 years. Tv trays have been the order of business at our house.

And we are not preparing a house, we are preparing a home.

Just a few thoughts to go with everything else that is running through my mind this morning.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15