Friends

I remember when I used to post several times a day every day. Of course, I was bi-polar/maniac depressive and angry at everyone and everything.

I was thinking about those first 2 years of blog entries yesterday as I was talking to my nurse. I can't even read those first two years worth of entries now. They are permeated with hate and anger at my ex and the world. Profanity abounded.

I am so grateful that God has cleaned up my mouth and changed the song in my heart. You realize how much you have changed when you get hurt. You go from saying "#@$%^ @##$" to saying "poop" or something else slightly less offensive. Yes, that's what I said when I hit the metal medication cart in my office. "Poop!" I actually cut my elbow and had to have help to get the coban around it to wrap it. The kids got a laugh out of it.

Chaz and Breezy are going to watch the Bama/Gator game today. Chaz is going to one household and Breezy will probably watch it with me.

I have through Facebook recently gotten in touch with a friend from Japan. She and I went through base indoctrination at Atsugi together. We hung out every day until the hubby got to Japan and then only hung out a couple times a month. She was such a great friend. She came to visit us while we lived in San Diego and then we lost contact. We have had some marvelous conversations catching up. Somehow, someway, the kids and I are going to go up and see her in Washington State. The kids will probably go visit their grandma while we are there.

Time to get around. I have got to clean the kitchen and put away some boxes so we can put up the Christmas tree. (All the shopping for the kids was done from a comfortable chair using the internet.)

Later.

Hello Hurricane....

I bought this cd for Chaz. Love it! I particularly love the song Hello Hurricane.

Oh, I've been watching the skies
They've been turning blood red
Not a doubt in my mind anymore
There's a storm up ahead

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
Oh (my love)
Oh

Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I started building
I counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love

I'm a fighter fighting for control
I'm a fighter fighting for my soul
Everything inside of me surrenders
You can't silence my love

Oh, oh, oh

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love

It has been good. My Christmas shopping for Chaz and Breezy is finished. I have several gifts I want to get for friends and several I want to make. I want to make a couple brooches for friends. Not sure what materials yet but ideas are flowing.

Very long weekend began today. Tomorrow, Chaz, Breezy and I will head to Alabama for Thanksgiving. Friday we will go to my other sister's home for the Iron Bowl.

Things I forgot the other day...

Got a new laptop. It's a Toshiba and it's powerful. I just need to find the last graphic program disk to have all my graphic programs on it.

Work has been incredibly busy. Saw nearly 150 kids total in the last 2 days alone! I think last month set the all time record for visits to the clinic. Over 2000!!!!! Yikes!

Chaz and Breezy are both playing soccer. Last night's game with Chaz was nerve wracking. I cannot believe how poor the sportsmanship was and I wasn't particularly impressed with the ref either. I'm usually all for playing hard. But I'm of the opinion now that every now and again, the head of the referees should come watch a game unannounced so he/she can observe the calls being made on the field.

Spent an hour of Sunday evening at my 4th favorite place.... the ER with Chaz. We thought he broke his right thumb. Fortunately it's only sprained.

Almost time for me to go get the kids from youth. Have a marvelous Thanksgiving.

Today I am grateful for family, friends, my church, a job, a vehicle, a laptop, and the kids' Christmas shopping being done! I am grateful that God loves me no matter what.

Wow! almost 2 months without a post. I'll start with this:



It has been a good 2 months. We are still at the Foley campus. Empty Page's cd has gone off for mastering. Should everything else go as planned, they'll have a cd by the end of December! We have started pre-selling the cds.

Breezy has finished playing volleyball. For a short time she was playing nearly 5 hours of volleyball a day!!!

Chaz and Breezy are both playing soccer. They had games tonight. They are now in Panama City for a birthday party. Yah.

I am sitting here watching Star Trek and uploading cd's onto my laptop. Yes I got a new laptop. The old one has a trojan horse that I cannot get off without reformatting. I managed to save all my data fortunately. I even "skinned" the new one. It's beautimous!

It seems that twittering at 140 characters at a time has left me wordless for anything longer at the moment. How strange. Speechless on my blog.

Change has come. The kids and I officially started at our Foley campus on the 20th. It is awesome. I actually want to go to church for the first time in ages. It had reached a point that I was miserable.

And today (or rather yesterday), God reminded me that I knew in January/February that I was supposed to let go of the position I had at the church in August. When I didn't let go because I thought I had to have the income, it had to become miserable enough to let go.

I am grateful I let go. I feel like we turned the page and are in a new chapter of our lives. Thank you God for putting up with me when I'm hard headed.

In other things, we did get to go to Night of Joy. Other than the teenage D-R-A-M-A, it was a great trip. I spent most of the trip alone and it was a wonderful thing. I took over 900 pictures in EPCOT and Animal Kingdom. I need to get them modified to update my facebook page. I also have already set up our finances to pay for next years trip so that it won't be such a burden when it gets close to time to go.

Work is going well. Busy but well. I can deal with that.

Been downloading my music from iTunes lately. For the cost of an album that may have only 1 or 2 songs I like, I can get up to 10 songs that I really want. And I'm actually dropping them to disk so I can hear them in the car and at home. Yah for technology!

The following lyrics are from TobyMac's new song "City on Our Knees."

If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh

Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
Tonight could last forever
Ooh
Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
As family
We’re family
Oh Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
You and me
Ya, you and me
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide
In a glorious display
Cuz its all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
If we gotta start somewhere why not here
If we gotta start sometime why not now

I once said the only way I'd leave my church is if God forced me to go somewhere else or I married.

Well, I haven't married. But I do feel as if I am being forced out. I prepared a draft of my two weeks notice resignation letter this morning. I feel like crying nearly every time I come through the door lately.

The kids and I are going to start attending one of our other campuses starting the 20th of September. They already love it at the other campus. I've never been but I'm willing to take the chance on it. Everyone I know who has attended there is very pleased. We will still be associated with our church, just a different campus.

School is back in session. Great update on the Novel H1N1 influenza. This may be the first year in over 15 years that I get a flu shot! (kids too!)

Angels Sing

I heard this song on Power 88, my favorite radio station. Angels Sing by Press Play.

You see, see in me what I can't see
Believe in me in my unbelief
Strengthen me when I'm so weak
You know I love you
And you light the corners of darkness in my life
You answer when no one can hear my
Cry for my rescue
The clouds open up and my world sees a savior

Chorus:
And you make the angels stand and sing
You make heavenly melodies
You make my life forever free
You know I love you
You know I love you
You make everything wonderful
You make each day more beautiful
You make life unbelievable
You know I love you
You know I love you

Bridge:
Angels will bow at your feet as they worship
Heavens will open the gates show their splendor
The earth starts to rumble our loved ones we welcome
Trumpets will thunder my world sees a savior.

I will start with gratitude today. I am so grateful for Chaz and Breezy being healthy and following God. I am grateful for a home, electricity, a vehicle to get to work and to church. Grateful for my church family. Grateful for books. I am thankful for a great family.

~

Chaz and Breezy went to North Carolina last week. They had an amazing time. Their friend Sethie got to go with them. One of the guys from the north campus went with them. he's the one who found out about the conference and we were blessed enough to have Chaz, Breezy, and Sethie included. Yah! Next year, Chaz will get to help plan it.

Summer school is over. No regular work until late August. Praying for grace and provision from God to make it through September on what we have. Or what He will provide.

Death. We have had several deaths at church in the last week. A friend who is a couple years younger than me and a child less than one year old. It is so sad. I have been to more funerals in the last 2 years than I have the first 43 years of my life. I don't understand.

And another thing I don't understand. We always tell people they will see their loved ones again in heaven, that they will be together again. But in Matthew 22, it says:

23 That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. 24 "Teacher," they said, "Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. 25 Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. 26 The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. 27 Finally, the woman died. 28 Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?"

29 Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30 At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. 31 But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, 32'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'[a]? He is not the God of the dead but of the living."

33 When the crowds heard this, they were astonished at his teaching.

So... then when I get to heaven I won't know my Daddy? my Grandma? my children? I don't understand.

And so there is where my mind is today.

Hero Arts Web Site and Stuff

First, Hero Arts is revealing their new web site on the 15th. They make beautiful rubber stamps and have fabulous stamping ideas! And they have a a fab blog too!

Chaz and Breezy are out of town at a conference. Actually, they're way outta town! As in outta state and several away. They got to go to a YMCA Christian Values Conference. 5 days in the Blue Ridge Mountains! I'm thinking I wanna go next year!

Summer school will be over Thursday. It's been busier since they have 4 times as many students as they have had in previous years. But I did get a little bit of crafting time. Made some lanyards to sell, a couple necklaces, 130+ tags to write on, and about 20 handmade cards using pictures I took and modified or rubber stamps. They turned out great!

I got to see the last episode of Eli Stone online today. I really enjoyed it. I'm sad that it's over and disappointed that there are no more episodes. Still not sure what to do about my general boycott of ABC.

I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop reading blogs, facebook, listening to music and thinking I really should eat an earlier dinner tonight.

And today, I'm thankful to God for the summer work and believing He will provide the rest of the summer. I'm grateful the kids got the opportunity to go to this conference (and a friend too).

whew, long time

I know, I know. it's been a while. A long while.

Much has happened. School is out. I spent the last week of the school year in the hospital. Um yup.

I've been having really bad headaches for months. Little numbness in my hands every now and again. The last Monday in May, I tried to give blood but my blood pressure was 152/104. To say the least they wouldn't let me give. So I went ahead with the kids and went to the movies.

On Tuesday, I didn't feel right so I let my supervisor know and went to the emergency room. My B/P was 152/98 when I got there. I was having that pins and needle feeling in my left arm. The doctor had me put on a heart monitor and hooked to an iv for fluids. They pulled some blood. He seemed to think it was just my B/P until they got the blood test results back. Everything was normal except I had troponin in my blood. Troponin is only supposed to be in your blood if you have had a heart attack or are going to have a heart attack. So they admitted me to the hospital. The next day, I had a echocardiogram and a stress test. Both turned out normal and later that day they released me with no answer about the troponin levels.

On Thursday, I was getting ready for work when I had an intense pain across the center of my back. I thought geez, I really slept well to cause this much pain in my back. But the pain started getting worse, and then I started thinking women present for heart attacks in their back. I'm pretty sure I panicked because then I started feeling tightness in the chest. I dropped Chaz at school and called a friend to come and pick up Breezy from the hospital.

By the time I got to the ER, my B/P was 198/100. They pulled some blood again, started a heart monitor and iv. Again, there was troponin in my blood but everything else looked ok. I explained what was going on and they decided to send me to a local hospital via ambulance.

Off to the hospital I go. Thank goodness they don't run sirens when they transport someone like that. whew! Within 30 minutes of arriving at the hospital, the cardiologist on call had me in for a heart catheterization. Everything normal. He scheduled me for a CT scan at 5 a.m. the next morning. They slapped nitro patches on me and kept me on the heart monitor all night. Put me on blood pressure medications.

The next morning, the tech came in to take me for the CT scan. I was back in my room by 6. Then I waited. And waited and waited. The doctor never did show up. When I asked about him, I was told he hadn't made rounds of the floor yet. By the time they paged him and he returned the page, he was over 40 miles from Pensacola. He told them to release me, my tests were fine. Excuse me? Did I miss something? To say the least I was pissed.

A friend called someone at the hospital who worked there and she came to see me. They paged the doctor again. He finally called back and said he had the ER doctor write me a prescription for the blood pressure medications and that when he came to see me I was having a test done. Don't even get me started on that comment. I left the hospital over 12 hours after the CT scan with two prescriptions for the blood pressure medications. As I was being discharged, the nurse told me that my troponin levels were normal and had been since just after I arrived at the hospital the day before. Do you think maybe someone should have told me earlier?

I am grateful to God that I am ok. I'm 45 years old and now know that both my heart and lungs are in good condition. I am slowly losing weight (4 pounds already). I'm eatting better. Moving more. I thank God that I will be around for my children.

Last week, I went to a funeral for a friend's nephew. He was under 20 and had committed suicide. Wow! My heart goes out to the family for the unanswered questions left by his death. It was a tough funeral to attend. It was also the first funeral Chaz and Breezy have been to.

After the funeral, I called the kids dad to again encourage him to stay in contact with them. Let him know that they both have Facebook accounts with dozens of pictures. He told me they had trouble connecting to Facebook. (Only people I know with that particular problem.)

They have both had cell phones for 22 months and in all that time he has called 3 times total. I received an email the next day saying not to contact him any longer and if the kids wanted to talk to him that they could call.

How could you not want to keep contact with two of the most amazing kids ever? That's not just my opinion as a Mom. That is the report of everyone who works with them, mentors them, loves them. Amazing children. And I'm angry all over again at him.

So, I'm preparing a draft message to respond to him with. I'll save it. One of these days, I'll need it when they start asking questions. A friend is reviewing it with me to make sure I don't let my emotions override what needs to be said.

I also talked to that friend about what would happen if something happened to me. She told me that she and her husband had already discussed it. They would like the kids to come live with them. I talked to it with Breezy a little bit. She is good with that idea. I've not talked to Chaz about it. After we discuss it, I will be having my will prepared and select the executor of the estate.

Other than that, the last month and a half haven't been bad. I've taken a lot of pictures. I recently figured out how many I have posted on Facebook. Over 2000. One day I'd love to own a DSLR camera (with an autofocus mode too) to take better pictures. My daddy was a photographer on the side. He took beautiful pictures. My mother is a great photographer as well. This apple didn't fall too far from the tree. I'd love to take professional portrait photos, landscape, animals, whatever. Just let me take some pictures.



Saw Joshua Stevens, Steven Cochran and John Michael Montgomery in concert at the base with my sister. Incredible concert. Steven Cochran has quite the testimony. A tour in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was injured in Afghanistan and he said he woke up a month later at Bethesda. He said he was told he would never walk again. He's walking and talking and singing. God is good.

Ah, but Eli Stone was on last night. We watched. I still can't believe ABC canceled it. I'll be sending them another email. It was great!

Chaz and Breezy will be attending a youth conference at the church on Monday and Tuesday. Then Wednesday - Saturday they will be at a worship conference. They are pretty excited about it.

Today, they are spending time with friends out on the water. I thank God for the incredible mentors he has placed in their lives. People who care and show that they care.

I miss you Daddy.

geez

does it get any less busy?

School is nearly out. Only 11 1/2 more days. I will be working summer school though. I'm looking forward to it. It's at one of the best elementary schools I've ever been in!

Breezy and Chaz have been playing soccer. Chaz however is out for the rest of the season after a football injury.

Chaz tried out for wide receiver on the high school team and ended up at defensive end. On Friday, he wanted to skip since he didn't make the spring team but I wouldn't let him. During practice, he broke his left index finger.

We spent 5 hours in the emergency room on Friday night/Saturday morning. They splinted him up and gave us a referral to orthopedics. That appointment was today. He will have to have surgery on his finger. He broke the phalanx between the 1st and 2nd knuckles. The break is so close to the end of the finger that just casting it won't fix it. So on Thursday, he will go in for surgery and have pins put in his finger.

So, for the next 3-6 weeks, no sports and he won't be able to play his guitar either. He's not particularly happy with me either because I made him go to practice.

I had a long rant for this but have calmed down enough not to vent it right now. Maybe if it comes up again and is fresh then I will.

For now, keep us in your prayers.

always

this is an awesome song by Building 429. God is always with us. hard to believe sometimes but true.

I was standing in the pour raining
One dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold
When she caught my eye
Her face was torn and her eyes were filled
And then to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph
And my heart just stopped inside
She said He would have been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face
What was I supposed to say

But I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

He was living in a broken world dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace
When I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt
When his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears
And the anger locked inside
He's barely holding on to faith
But deliverance is on its way

'Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on

Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
Always, Always
He will be with you always
He will be with you always
He will be with you

This crazy life....

Does it slow down? Seems like we are so "plugged in" that we are never still.

Spring break started yesterday. I had hoped for some down time. Not to be. Between band (EP) practices, soccer practices, volleyball games, church, youth, and school, it doesn't stop.

My sister and brother-in-law will be in from Maryland and staying at the beach starting Thursday. We won't get to see them until Sunday. I can't see driving 40+ miles one way to come back a couple hours later for whatever is going on in Pensacola. Yes, I know I don't get to see them often. But sometimes I need to be realistic in how much I can do in the few hours we have.

We are hoping for a trip to Camp Beckwith this week to take pictures. Andrea wants to go up and I'd love to take my twin lens reflex camera up and shot some 'through the viewfinder' photos. I've only gotten to take a couple pictures so far and need to finish up the box I'm shooting through.

We have also had singles get together last weekend. Not sure if I'm glad or aggravated. I'll leave it at that.

And have you ever wished to be anonymous? Even for just a few hours? I do. I think that's why it's nice to go to 722 occasionally. No one knows me there and I can just be quiet and watch rather than having something to do or someone wanting something.

And, I sometimes wish God would send the 'right one' along to help. I know God is with us. He would have to be for my kids to have turned out the way they have (amazing!). But it would be so nice for someone to say "Let me take a look at that" "let me help you with that" or just to turn around and give me a hug when I need it. I know, small things that count little in the day to day things that are going on in the world. But God, it's been 9 years with just the kids and I. We love our church and the help and care they provide. But there are some things they can't do.

I know, I'm complaining. Sorry. I'm tired.

I am grateful for the wonderful friends God has given us. And for family when we get to see them.

Checking email on the Sony with Bri on the netbook. Headed to school soon.

Things have been busy as always and I feel I neglect my blog. It may almost be worth getting internet at home so I'll update more.

I am going to make my own graphics though. I have some marvelous photos I took over the weekend.

I'll put one here. I found this marvelous little red chair at the place we stayed over the weekend while the kids were in studio laying down the vocal tracks for their cd. The chair and I spent about 3 hours touring the property we were staying on.

Eli Stone and ABC

It has been nearly 2 months without Eli Stone.  Thought I'd share my continued disappointment with ABC.  Also, since the cancellation of Eli Stone, my family and I chose not to watch any ABC programming to include our local news.

 

Have a good week.  See you when Eli Stone returns.

 

Sincerely,
Deborah

PCs and Macs and other things...

I priced a macbook to use for graphic type stuff and it could be a while before I buy one. A long while.

In the meantime, I think I will upgrade the ram on the Sony and get a wacom tablet of some variety. Found a reasonably priced one and it would be so nice to do modify stuff with a "pen" rather than a mouse. Also, I'll be able to draw with it. That is the best part. I'm a doodler/artist at heart and being able to draw straight to the computer will be a beautiful thing.

Combine that with the printer that I got last weekend, I will be set for a while. I know. Sounds like a lot but not so bad. All told, less than 1/4rd of the cost of the macbook I was looking at.

........

finishing the post a day later and after my computer at work has been stupid and sent stuff here that shouldn't have been here. *sigh*

Placed an order for a wacom intuos 3 tablet (6x8) and a MSI Wind netbook.

I'm going to find the RAM to upgrade my Sony. I learned tonight that I have 512M of RAM on the computer and need at least 2 Gig!!! No wonder it's locked up so much!

anyway, I'm outta here for now. Kids are staying with Debi tonight.

It should be a misdemeanor if a parent falls to provide appropriate medical information and phone numbers on a student's emergency contact card.

A disturbing sight passed me on the road today. I saw a tractor trailer hauling signs for gas stations. The prices on all 3 windows read $5.559. Hello???

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

There is just something about this song that speaks to me. With God, I am free to be who I am supposed to be. Although at times, I'm not sure who I'm supposed to be. I like that standing with God, I am free to find out who.

Inspiration and Discouragement

I opened a beautiful magazine by Somerset Studio called Artful Blogging this morning to read. Such inspiring images and tremendous words by so many creative women. My eyes welled with tears just from the joy of reading and seeing it. So many words, so many media choices. Vivid. VIVID.

It gives me hope to know that it's possible. Hope to stretch, to reach, to grow. God gave me this talent that I have Not just to hide in this little sphere of mine but to share, to teach, to imagine even more.

And yet, at the same time, I seek direction, a goal. Everything seems so overwhelming and unreachable as well. I don't even know where to begin the majority of the time.

Yesterday I sat with a friend from school and her significant other who used to work at Apple as we discussed macbooks. He is a major graphic/computer geek. Beside him, my little meanderings and piddling creations seem so small and insignificant, so unworthy of... anything compared to just the little mini demonstration of what he does.

I felt so discouraged and insignificant when I left. How does anyone at all ever get past what seems to be a crushing of the spirit to take the first step?

I have to admit, being able to change my layout with a couple clicks is awesome and I didn't have to do any work. Yah

I'm drifting around the net today checking out new stuff. I'm checking out Aviary which I found via a link on a techy web page.

Invite Share which I have no idea what types of invites you might get but hey, if it's graphic related, I'm there.

These awesome pictures were taken by my beautiful daughter who now thinks she wants to study multi-media possibly.

oh! cute birdies. Can you tell I'm easily amused?

The kids are with other Debi. I'm not sure exactly where. Just somewhere east of here. The musicians in the band are laying down the music for their album. Too cool huh?

off to small group. later.

p.s. ABC....

I'd like a response for a change. I know you get a lot of emails. But for once I'd like an acknowledgment that you hear us. Thanks.

Open Letter to ABC

The following is the email I sent to ABC tonight. They have canceled Eli Stone. My family throughly enjoys Eli Stone.

Letter to ABC:

I am very disappointed to see you have canceled Eli Stone. With the loss of this show, I am back to watching only the local news on ABC. I am tired of garbage. You moved EMHE to the 7 pm slot a couple years ago and replaced it with Desperate Housewives. No longer can watch EMHE due to time slot. I'm tired of smut. If I wanted smut, I'd subscribe to cable and watch HBO and Cinemax. I want shows I can watch with my children. Eli Stone was one we all enjoyed.
Sincerely,
Deborah K

I'm over smut.

Happy New Year 2009

Kids spent the evening at a capture the flag New Year party. I went to church for a worship service.

Afterwards, I joined Steph for coffee at Waffle House. Then home to play Animal Crossing City Folk. The image below is of my character at New Year.



Hope everyone had a marvelous New Year start and may the year be filled with blessings!

ah ha!

Hope your Christmas was amazing. We had a great day. The kids got plenty of clothes. Their dad sent them money. They will gradually spend that.

Chaz got me Animal Crossing City Folk edition. Breezy got me smelly stuff from Bath and Body works. We especially liked the Dancing Waters fragrance.

I'm sitting at Martellis (my favorite place other than Hobby Lobby, Books a Million and Liberty) looking up information on ACCF.

Wish you all a Happy New Year in case I forget to check in before then. You'd think I'd get here more often since I come to Martellis a couple times a week. Guess that's what makes the Twitter feed good?

ohhhh

I like this layout. All I need to do is make a title header to replace the text header.

I'm sitting outside the church waiting for everyone to get here for practice and finish preparing for the Christmas program. I'm getting a better signal sitting outside than I do when I'm inside. *grimace*

One more week of school. I have to say I'm totally ready for it. I hope and pray God opens a door for me to be somewhere else come August of next year. Breezy will be finished at the school in high school. Chaz is already there. It's time for a change.

Still need to finish Christmas shopping. I returned the shirt I got for Chaz while in Alabama. I'm going to order him a replica Alabama jersey for his big gift. Still not sure what Breezy's big gift will be. She hasn't given me any clues. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm still alive and kicking. On Twitter and Facebook more often. I use text messages to update Twitter which updates my Facebook account. That way I don't need to be logged in as much and can just use my phone. Good idea huh?

Oh yeah, I got my 1099R from the military today so I'm 1/4 of the way ready to do my taxes!

Happy Thanksgiving

Short week. Only two days of work. Finished up. Completed the monthly report for November that I will email before leaving Martellis.

Laundry is done. Chaz and Breezy are cleaning the kitchen. Groceries are purchased.

I just need to pack my clothes and the car and we are ready to go.

To the few who come by, Happy Thanksgiving. May your day be full of blessings!
~Deb

That was the easiest template change I have ever done thanks to "The Cutest Blog on the Block."

It has been crazy busy as always. Between soccer and band practices.

Chaz has been playing varsity soccer at the high school but as of December 1st, he's off the team. His grades are horrendous. The only thing left to take away is soccer. He's not only hurting himself, he's hurting the team. I want to scream in frustration but I know it will do no good.

Breezy is playing with one of the church teams. They have a tournament on Saturday and we'll be finished with that.

We'll gain 2 free days back with the end of soccer. We need days at home. This always on the go is tiring.

This morning, Chaz told me that he had no long pants. He's been wearing shorts to school every day. He has one pair of jeans that fit and two pairs of sweatpants. He wore sweatpants to school today and actually looked good. So this weekend, we'll have to find him at least a couple pairs. I'm so thankful Breezy has as many pairs as she does.

I'm sitting at A's updating facebook and the blog, checking email and just hanging out.

Today I recovered a couple examination books with pretty covers. I may do them all with nice covers and give them away. I know that I want to do several to add to my Christmas stuff to record Christmas memories in. I'll post a picture later this week when I get the camera out.

I discovered an awesome photo web page. Picnik. Wow. What a great page.

I need to start picking up the kids Christmas stuff. No clue what they want but got to find something. Maybe clothes? Game? Watch? Suggestions?

It has been crazy the last week or so. Between work, the kids, soccer and church.

Chaz made varsity. This is good but it also means soccer every single weeknight and at least one day of the weekend.

I did get a revelation this weekend. I never thought of myself as prideful but missed the part about leaving home and my attitude toward it. Nor did I realize the shame I feel toward what I thought I'd do and what I am doing.

I have realized that there are certain people in the body of Christ that I'd just as soon never speak to or see for that matter. They are wolves in sheeps clothing. And when your children can see it too, then there is a problem. When outsiders see it, there is really a problem.

I voted yesterday. Voter 5,136 at the poll I went to.

Anyway, that's enough for now. Later. Catch you on twitter.

oh yeah

I also made ETSY purchases 2 and 3. I bought 2 rings for Breezy and 1 for Chaz for their birthday's. Breezy got one that says "true" on the outside of the band and "love waits" on the inside. The other ring has her name on it. Chaz' says "roll tide" on one side and his name on the other side. I got a ring with both their names on it for me. I'm wearing it on my left ring finger. Definitely turned a few heads with the ring.

The other purchase was a beautiful journal. Pleasing to the touch and eye!

Happy Birthday Chaz

My baby turned 16. He's not so much of a baby anymore! We are going to O'Charleys for dinner.

After trying out for soccer, he has decided that he wants to play basketball instead. It's been a rough two days because of the way this was announced. He made the varsity soccer team and now we need to tell coach he isn't going to play. Chaz thinks he will have better chance at a basketball scholarship than at a soccer scholarship. I don't know. The only person I knew to ask passed away last year. He was a scout for several universitys/colleges.

Anyway, more later. Niters.

how I spent my day off.....

With friends.

Meet Jeff Miller before he took the stage. (no this is the picture after he took the stage.)

Saw Governor Crist.

And seeing Sarah Palin in person. I am impressed. I like this woman. I believe she and McCain will be good for the country. I also believe she is being groomed for further down the line.

oh yeah. I made my first Etsy purchase today.

I get to go see Sarah Palin when she comes into Pensacola next Tuesday. I called a friend of mine on Wednesday night to tell her that Palin was coming to town and she and several other friends stood in line to get tickets. I got one!

I've been having a lot of fun with Twitter. Yeah, I know. 120 updates on twitter, 2 updates on blogger. I must admit, 140 characters from text messaging is so much easier!

I discovered House. A friend lent me the first season on dvd. Watched 3 episodes on Wednesday night and 5 episodes last night. I'm a third of the way through the season. I should finish them all by Monday at this rate. LOL

Kids are at band practice. I'm sitting at the church reading the news and will probably read a few blogs soon.

Tomorrow, Chaz will referee for soccer and I'll take Breezy to WF to let her tour the campus. Then it's off to Barktoberfest. Breezy really wants to go so we'll go.

Alabama football at 2:30 p.m. Now to find out what channel it is on.

In other things, I stuck my foot in my mouth. Nothing new I know but hey. By the time it was over, I was as red as my shirt. Pretty bad. *sigh* Yes, it was in reference to a man. duh.

Anyway, let me get to blog reading. Later gators and see ya on twitter.

Twitter

Added a twitter feeder box to the right side. At least I can post updates from my phone via text messaging now. :o)

I discovered Twitter last week. I'm going to try to add it to the sidebar.

Chaz is at soccer refereeing. (is that a word?) Beezy and I are sitting at Andrea's house. She made crepes for breakfast. I know now that it's not something I'll be ordering when I go out! LOL

I got my computer back on Thursday. Best Buy did the restoral on the system. I'm still not pleased. The left mouse button that was repaired the very first time I took the computer in is no longer working. It worked when I turned in the computer in June and didn't work when it was returned to me. Of course, because it's out of warranty, it's my problem. Reasonably, I'd expect that if it worked when I turned it in and it doesn't work when it's returned to me, then you (BB) did something to it? *scratches head* I give up. I'm over Best Buy. I'll find someone who can fix it and in the meantime, I've set up a work around using the left corner tap for my short cut menu and converting the right click button to the function of the left click.

Gotta go pick up Chaz. He's done.

oh yeah!

I won tickets to the Winter WonderSlam Tour from Power 88. Oh yeah!


Other things... Hurricane Gustav went to our west. We got lots of rain and wind but no damage. My mom, her husband, my sister, and her two sons came and stayed with Chaz and I. Breezy spent the night with a friend that evening. Played some cards and talked a lot. It was good.

Saturday morning, I went to the Humane Society to sign up to work as a volunteer. I filled out the forms, got the tour and then I got to spend about 2 hours sitting in a room playing with kitties! I love kitties. :o)

Work has been crazy busy. Learning new things. I got to do some basic training type stuff with two new health technicians who are going to schools around mine.

Anyway, I need to get busy. I came up here to do some work. Need to get it done. Later.

Wordle.net

Very Cool

Birthday

I'll be 45 this weekend.

fireproof

This is a movie I want to see when it comes out.

hello?

It's been a while.

Summer school is over. Vacation Bible School is over (both at BAC and ESC). The kids are out at the beach with the Bloom Event that is being held for the youth.

VBS. It was good. Both of them. Chaz and Breezy both helped lead the worship portion of the daily sessions. During the BAC VBS they also were crew leaders. It is so cool to know that God is working in them and has given them a heart to minister to children. I know it didn't come from me! LOL My portion of VBS is the registration and first aid.

Since May 3rd, I've attended 5 weddings and missed 2. I'm aware of at least 3 more engagements that have occured in that time frame as well. Two of the weddings are supposed to take place before the end of the year and one next summer.

For the last couple months I have been interested in a guy at the church. He has recently come back to the church. He and I became members at the same time in '02 and he left for a season. The smile is devastating. I finally got to spend more than 2 minutes talking to him on Sunday. It was a good conversation. The subject? The defunct over 30's singles group at church and what we need for a new one. A little personal stuff about work and kids. Although there seems to possibly be an attraction, I got the impression he's not interested in a relationship. So, I can toss that to the wind. Of course, I know, it's not my timing. It's God's timing. I'm ok with that. I've been single this long, what's a while longer? I'd rather have the one that God intended for me than to screw it up again. I am teachable. It only took 3 tries to learn though. *smile*

Things have been tight around the house. No real paychecks between now and the end of August, it's real tight. The rent and the car payment is paid from my retirement check. I have a small check that comes in from some part time work. It's the electric bill, water bill, and cell phone bill that I need to come up with. Oh yeah, food and gasoline for August. Nothing too big. People tend to think I'm overly optimistic. However, I know God has provided every single year since I've been working at the school I know He'll provide again... somehow some way.

My computer is still non-functioning as well. I did 2 customer service surveys for the Geek Squad. After the first one, the manager called me and said he'd order the recovery disks for my computer. After 4 weeks, I still have not recieved the disk. I sent the 2nd survey on the 17th of this month. No response. On the 24th I emailed Best Buy. I recieved the "canned" email response saying they'd contact me within 3 days but it's now 5 days later and no word. Now to figure out what to do. My thoughts have run from contacting the channel 5 consumer department for assistance or seeing if I could start a "urban legend" all by myself. Neither ring true at the moment so I'm being patient. Out of the last 100 or so days, 42 of the days, my computer was with the Geek Squad, 30 days, my computer was not working properly, and for the last 40 days, it doesn't work at all.

I am ready to go back to work. I go back on the 13th. Breezy and Chaz on the 18th. Breezy will be an 8th grader and Chaz will be a sophmore. It is good. At the wedding this past Saturday, I was looking at a pew full of teens and realized how much I love those kids. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it. If I decide to stay with the Health Department after this year, maybe I'll see if I can move up to high school from middle school. Ya never know.

My brother will be home from Iraq for a couple weeks in August. We get regular updates through the blog that his significant other set up for him. He is safe and we are still praying for him.

Prayer. Over Spring Break, I went to our Eastern Shore Campus for a Sunday service. It was suggested that I pray Psalm 91 over my brother for his safety while in Iraq. I missed a couple days that first week but have been faithfully praying it now for 3+ months. I added my other brother, Chaz, Breezy, and my names to it as well. There is something comfortable about reading it outloud with our names in it.

Movies. The base has free matinees on Wednesdays for the first showing. The kids have seen Kung Fu Panda and Speed Racer. I saw Prince Caspian twice. I really like the movie and the soundtrack is awesome. I decided the song "This is Home" by Switchfoot would make an awesome wedding song. Guess I'll file that away for future reference.

I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known

Chorus:
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back

Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

(Chorus)

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home

(Chorus)

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home

I am thankful for my children walking with God, a home, a working automobile, friends who love us, an amazing church family, a job, sunshine and rain.

That's all for now. later gators.

Another month gone...

School is out. First week of summer is over. Summer reading camp starts next week. Two weddings down. Several to go.

did I say it's the summer of the weddings? Two in May. Two in June (not counting the one I missed). Two in July. All friends or children of friends. Or in the case of the one yesterday, a nephew. It's crazy.

And lately, I pray that God will bring someone for the kids and I. I've been reading a book called "How to live well as a Single Mom." And today, I was wondering just how well-adjusted my children are. Are they tramatized by the divorce and I just don't realize it? Are they understanding of relationships? Do they have godly role models to follow? Am I missing something that they need?

So much turmoil lately as well. A friend whose 17 year old daughter is pregnant (and I've heard of one more who is pregnant). Another friend is in the midst of a bankruptcy that they never saw coming. The friends who are ill. I know that there are things going on in the heavenlies and on earth but so many prayers are needed.

back later.

Happy Mother's Day

Love you Mom. Love you Chaz and Breezy.

I am so proud of my children. I walked into children's church this morning and Breezy was helping to lead worship and Chaz was behind the sound board. The really amazing part is that Chaz who previously had not been all into the worship or leading of it, was standing behind the sound board making the motions to the songs the same as everyone on the stage was. No one could see him except those on the stage and a couple people behind him. I think he wasn't even aware I was watching. The tears came to my eyes so quickly it surprised me.

Chaz' taste in Christian music is even changing. Changing to more worshipful music. He's teaching himself to play the guitar. He's become a viable part of the band that Breezy is in.

Breezy is writing songs. The last one she wrote was put to music while she was in Atlanta. My friend Debi called me to share the song with me. She said her cousin could not believe that a 12 year old had written the song.

I'm so grateful to God for the changes in their lives and the call of God on their lives. A few weeks ago, they let me know they consider themselves to be "pastors kids." Wow.

many pictures...

It's been a couple weeks. We've been busy as usual. Missions Conference at church, Missions banquet, soccer, Breezy's trip to Atlanta, Chaz' trip to Panama City, my trip to Fairhope. It's been good though. Lots of pictures.

Roses left over from the missions conference. A little droopy but still beautiful.

After a little work, this is what those roses look like. When they are completely dry, I intend to tie a bow at the top and hang them on a wall. For the time being, they hang over my kitchen table where my light from the 70's would normally hang.

This lovely little bird is called a killdeer. She is guarding her eggs. Can you see them? This is on the soccer fields next to our church. Someone parked their vehicle within 4 feet of her. I felt so bad. Then on Thursday, he parked there again and kids were playing around the back side of the truck. Hopefully no one disturbed them.

One of the flower pots at church. I really like the blue color of the pot in contrast to the greenery.

I've never seen gerber daisies like these but they are gorgeous. I used one of these images as my desktop at work. Last night a friend asked for the file so she can have it enlarged and hang it on her wall at home.

These are pitcher plants. Scientific name: Sarracenia. They are beautiful plants. My friend "A" wants to make a bouquet with them. too bad they are endangered.

A close up of the flowers.

Both this picture and the one below were taken at an antique and relic shop in Fairhope. The pots were awesome. Just the shape and shadows were wonderful to see.

This one reminds me that we are all clay pots that God choses to use for His glory.

This is a flamingo that I spotted on our way back to the car. The contrast between the pink and lime green is great.

I also took pictures inside Serendepity. What an adorable little shop. Beautiful windchimes and an awesome series of angels I've never seen before. When we go back next time I may buy one. The owners were very nice and let me take pictures inside the shop.

All the downtown streets of Fairhope are lined with gorgeous flower boxes and beds on the street corners. A delight to walk on a beautiful day.

A yellow rose from Fairhope. The pier there is gorgeous. They were celebrating Earth Day. I have a lot of pictures of flowers. This would be an awesome place to hold a spring wedding with all the roses in bloom.

We were in Fairhope to help with the Eastern Shores campus outreach. We got to help give away ice cream. How hard can that be? LOL

A shot taken on NAS Pensacola at Lake Frederic. I love how you can stand on the beach and see the lighthouse, the boats coming into the marina and at the same time, see planes flying overhead preparing to land on the airfield.

Alice Limpert, missionary to Tanzania, and myself at the Missionaries Banquet at the New World Landing. Alice is such an awesome lady. She is teaching the widows and orphans skills to support themselves.

I guess that's enough for now. I have to get Breezy and one of Chaz's friends to a birthday party. Chaz is playing soccer. I'll have a couple hours free before I have to pick them all up. Later

Found via Cyn at Kaleidoscope. (Then I took some more of the test on that site.)

Your Thinking is Concrete and Random

You are naturally inquisitive and curious. You're excited by new ideas, and you are a true independent thinker. You are interested in what is possible. You like the process of discovery. You are often experimenting, challenging old ideas, and inventing new concepts. Rules, restrictions, and limit don't really work for you. You have to do things your own way, and you can't be bothered to explain yourself.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

Amazingly accurate considering there are only 5 questions.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Your Heart is Blue and Purple

Your heart is enticing and enchanting. You are charismatic, larger than life, and fascinating. You bring fantasy and romance to relationships. You're good at making someone ordinary seem extraordinary.

What Are the Colors of Your Heart?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Are a German Shepherd Puppy

Intelligent, quick witted, and a bit aggressive. You've got the jaw power to take a bite out of anyone you choose.

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Supportive

You are almost like a life coach for your best friends. You give them help when they need it... but you also know when to give them a push. People tend to rely on you for moral support and advice. You've probably always been mature for your age, so this is a role that's you're comfortable with. A friend like you is one of the rarest kinds. You are both a good mentor and companion. Your friends need you most when: They are confused or worried You really can't be friends with: Someone who only wants to complain Your friendship quote: "The only way to have a friend is to be one."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

oh yeah. If you ever see a really weird IP on your blog counter/stats, it may have been me. I'm reading blogs from my cell phone at home! LOL

stuffeth

It's been busy lately. Sometimes too busy.

Most of my family come into the area tomorrow. We are all getting together with aunts, cousins on Saturday to wish my brother the best. He's headed to Iraq in April to do counter IED stuff.

We got a new car last Monday. At least new to us. It's a 2005 Ford Focus that had 18,500 miles on it when I bought it. I filled it up for the first time on Friday. 27 mpg. Of course, 300 miles in a little over 4 days is crazy!!



I also picked up a camera. I have been wanting one with decent zoom to take better pictures with. I broke down and bought it on Wednesday. It takes gorgeous pictures. Check these ones out.

This was taken from across the water yesterday. It was WAY off in the distance. I was actually surprised when I realized it was the blue angels plane at the front gate of NAS!! LOL

This is Breezy and Chaz. They were sitting on a "couch" that was made out of sand. They had a blast for Easter playing in the sand.

And this is the fire on Perdido Key last night. If you click for the larger version, you can see the firefighter on the roof near the flames. Crazy I know.

Easter was fabulous. We spent it with friends. Breezy and Chaz spent the whole afternoon on the beach playing in the sand with some of their friends.

I've had several interesting conversations about marriage recently. The first was a few weeks ago. A friend and I were talking about someone getting married and I told her I already had the draft for my wedding invitations done. I dreamed about them in May 2005. A few days later, she called and asked if we could get together and talk. Eventually the conversation came around to the invitations. She said she had never thought of me as getting married. When I asked why, she said I seem so content. I told her I am. If God sends me a husband great. If he doesn't, we're still good. She asked what I was looking for in a man. I told her "nothing" and she looked at me like I was kidding. No, not kidding. I told her the only thing I really asked for was someone who knew I had a compulsive need to make stuff. After that, it's God's problem. (My spiritual Mom prophesized that God would send someone to us who loved me like Jesus loved the church and he would love my children like his own.) I figure God's got it under control.

Today, a different friend called me all excited. She said she had a dream last night that she was planning my wedding reception. She said we had the hardest time getting together to plan it because of all the stuff going on. Then she told me what he was wearing in the dream and that she didn't see his face. I laughed and told her it's ok.

Just makes me laugh. :o)

God, today I'm so thankful for my children and the friends you have brought into our lives.

Anyway, it's nearly time to pick up Chaz from soccer practice and head for the volleyball game.

Only 3 more workdays this week! Yah!

too much....

to remember it all.

Our tax refund came in. Both Chaz and Breezy got the money I owed them for various things over the last couple months. A and I placed a bead order. Those should come in on Monday. We all tithed on what we received.

I got a new phone, a Moto Q. It wasn't what I went in. I wanted a LG Scoop, but after looking at the things I can do with a Q, I decided to go route. I have to keep an eye on our any time minutes. Normally, we only use 350 of our 1000. Now we only have 500 any time a month. My poor cell phone service though, the battery wouldn't hold a charge... for anything. So they replaced the battery, then they replaced the phone and finally, they put the mother of all batteries (MOAB) on the back of it. It's keeping a charge now. The salesman kept asking if I had ever been struck by lightning. Nope. Been shocked but not by lightning. Guess getting shocked/electrocuted can affect how batteries & watches work around that person. heh.

Later today, I'm headed to Hobby Lobby to pick up the supplies for "Chick Night" at church. I'm going to help the ladies make a bracelet. "A" suggested getting about 10-16 inch strands of beads, 20 charms, and toggles to make 20 bracelets. She said if all the bead strands and charms weren't used, I'd be able to return them. Good idea. I may even look into ordering them from Fire Mountain. Never know.

I've gotten to catch up with a couple friends over the last week. One of them has a beau. I'm excited for her. She's such a sweet lady and so deserving of a wonderful godly man in her life. The other friend has recently suffered a disappointment in her ministry and needed encouragement. I believe that whatever God has for her is bigger than the disappointment. God's time, not ours. That's the hard part.

More later. I'm thinking.

Visit Mugs of Truth




Busy busy week again. Last week was FTE week. Don't ask me what it stands for. I have no idea. But in that week, we total all the medications we give, all the special procedures, tally all the allergies, adhd, etc numbers, and add in the number of students actually visted the clinic and turn them in. Final total: 348.

Saturday was WinterJam at the Mitchell Center in Mobile. Phenomenal!!! 10,500 people inside. The estimate for those turned away because there was no more room was 3,500-4,000!!!! The artists were amazing. I went mostly because I wanted to see MercyMe and NewSong. The worship was incredible. I have to admit that Skillet was probably my favorite. The pyrotechnics were WOW!! 15 foot columns of fire along with water mist and some sparkler type thingies. And I actually knew 4 of the 5 songs they did. Way cool. We went up with a group of 45 and another 40 or so from our church joined us there.

I managed to get my taxes filed finally. The free efile from Turbo Tax wasn't working for me this year due to a change in the way I had to file the bonus from the school so I used H&R Block as a friend recommended. Very good. We should have our refund back by the 21st. Yah! Part to the church, part to the kids, a bead order, and possibly a down payment on a car.

We are praying about a car. New or used? I don't want a huge payment so it's really weighing on me. We have got to replace the van. It needs a transmission and there is something seriously wrong with the undercarriage/frame.

I've also been sort of agitated lately. The single life and singles ministry has been on my mind. I'm torn between if the agitation is that I'm still single after being alone with the kids for 8 years or just agitated because something is missing or I'm waiting for something to happen.

I also realized I'm starting to pick up on other's emotions/feelings again. For a while I believe God softened how strongly I reacted to others emotions/feelings. But it seems to be getting stronger again.

I've been reading my Bible in the mornings after I get to school. I usually have 20 minutes or so of quiet time before my day officially starts. It's been good.

There's a song out that I think is just the bomb-diggity and I can't find it to download from iTunes or Zune. Paul Alan's "To bring you back." Awesome song. Now if only I can find the lyrics or at least the download so I can type out the lyrics.

prayer and stuff....

Hostrocket is the bomb-diggity. I couldn't get into my heartrunes account over there and they did a great job of getting me hooked back up with it and it took very little time. So I'll be updating my about me page soon (about time).

Please be in prayer for my brother. He recieved orders to Iraq. He's supposed to leave on 31 March for training and then to Iraq. He's supposed to be gone for 311 days total. His significant other is not taking it well. She is talking possibly moving back to this area. If he picks up warrant officer in February he won't go. Otherwise, he'll be doing counter IED work. I don't understand this as he's a cryppie.

Thanks.

testing

new things. Just signed up for MyBlogLog. I'll see what that's all about.

Past time for me to update my about me page. I'm 4 years older than it says. Ooops! Just have to find somewhere to host it as I've forgotten my passwords for hostrocket.

Might add a couple links to other places I belong to but not sure yet. Requires more thought and time than I'm willing to put in tonight.

Later gators.

interesting....

week. Work was slower than usual. Thank goodness. FCATs are coming up in a few weeks and things will be slower then. While I'm not fond of FCATs, I do enjoy the quiet.

Breezy and I have had our go arounds this week. Hearing her tell me to "shut my mouth" was one of the highlights. It took a lot of restraint not to hit her. She ended up grounded. When she apologized she told me she understood that she still could not go to the birthday party that was being held on Sunday. However, when Sunday rolled around, it got ugly. From "I hate my life" to "you hate me" were things I heard. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't listen to a lot and finally I gave up and walked out of her room. About an hour later, she came out of her room and apologized. She climbed in my lap and we talked for 20 minutes or so. I talked to her about punishment and how it isn't right for me to let her do everything she wants to. I talked to her about responsibilities and the differences in how I grew up and how she is being raised. The difference between being grounded and being beaten. The differences of growing up with alcoholism and carrying more responsibility than a child should have to carry. I think we made some headway. Time will tell.

Breezy has band practice today.

Chaz has a soccer game in Niceville. I can't say that I'm particularly happy about the soccer season. I've seen more poor sportsmanship and lack of respect than I've ever seen on a playing field. From the player who stood beside Chaz on the field and called him "fag" the entire game to the junior varsity players on a different team sitting in the bleachers yelling "wanker" at the referees. Players from our own team acting like jerks when they ate out while on the road and acting so badly that the school was called and a complaint filed. The results of the complaint is that the boys can no longer eat out when they are on the road. Then there was the player who put plastic in the tail pipe of the bus as he came off the bus. I saw 7 yellow cards fly at the last game. There were actually punches thrown on the field and yellow cards given. The players who were yellow carded played the second half of the game. Hello? What happened to accountability? I'm at a loss as how to handle what I've seen occur this season. Chaz on the other hand is optimistic of the things to come next season. My hope and prayer is for accountability for both the players and coaches, better coaching, and better refereeing.

Anyway, gotta go for now.

imagine my surprise...

when I turned on my computer and discovered someone around me has wireless that is accessible!!!! Yahoo! I'm not sure if I'll use it much but hey, for tonight it was a wonderful surprise.

I told my friend and her fiancee that I couldn't be a bridesmaid yesterday. They both took it well. They had decided to pay for the gown for me to be in it and she apologized about the tattoo thing. It made me feel better to know that they wanted me but I still know that I need to step back. I can do something perpherially, like make the invitations (which has been on her mind) and possibly necklaces/earrings for the wedding party. Am I crazy?

Tomorrow night is 80's night for the youth. Breezy is all excited. She's going to wear her skinny legged jeans with leg warmers and who knows what shirt. I got her some black eye liner and blue eye shadow to try as well. I told her not to get used to it because it would be a few and far between thing.

Chaz won't be there. He has a soccer game and I'll be at that as well. I think the season ends next week and I can't say that I'm sorry. It's been an interesting season. I hope and pray next year's season will be better.

Both the kids signed up for volleyball at church. Now whether or not they are on the same team is yet to be seen. I hope they are. It will make games/practices better.

Last week was another milestone for me. It's been 3 years since I had my last drink. A 1/2 glass of red wine. Red wine has never been my favorite so it was no loss. And before that it was a 1/4 beer in June 2004. Somedays I think, man, a beer looks good and then I think, shy on earth do I need alcohol at this point? I'll abstain. The kids and I do drink sparkling cider on special occasions though. :o)

Well, let's see if this thing will let me post. The connection is "very low."

evaluating...

This morning I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. As I sent a small prayer heavenward, I had to stop and think "what is my ulterior motive if I say no to being in my friend's wedding?"

I was surprised to have been asked to be in her wedding in the first place. I consider us friends but didn't realize that she considered me close enough to be a bridesmaid.

All this time, I've been listening to the wedding plans and trying to figure out where all the money I'll need will be coming from. The $170 for the dress and then I'll need the associated undergarments because nothing I own will work with the dress. The fittings. The dress I'll need for the rehearsal dinner/masquerade party the night before. The hotel for a couple days. And the expenses keep piling up. And then, where do I leave the kids? Is it right to bail on them the weekend school gets out? The tattoo thing is also bothering me.

So is the tattoo thing just finally putting it all into perspective? Was this just the last straw on the camels back of trying to figure out how I do this?

I'm not currently rolling in dough. I know I'm in the job God wants me in right now. I feel that was confirmed again last week.

And to add salt to the wound, my son last night asked me why I didn't get him both things he wanted for Christmas. He's not normally greedy about things so the question caught me off-guard. I asked him if he realized that I had spent "x" amount of money on both he and his sister? It got under my skin bad enough that I couldn't speak for a while. Finally I told him that he had money coming from his Dad and with that money he could buy the other gift he wanted. I told him I was sorry I used the money up front on bills and Christmas. He apologized later on but it made me feel about that big.

Ever feel like your failing left and right? Today and yesterday would be that day.

God I know you are there. I need the right words to say to my friend when I tell her I can't be in her wedding and that she will recieve them in the right way. And God, send the right person along to help the kids and I. I usually just laugh off this "man" thing. But God, we've been alone for 8 years now. Well, alone without a physical husband/father in the house. I know You are the Great I Am, the Great Physician, the Comforter, Healer, Provider. I know things are in Your timing. And for the most part, I'm pretty content. But this has been a rough week already and we're only a week into the new year. Is this a year of "no?" I've already said "no" to the job offer that while it was flattering, I knew wasn't to be. And now to say "no" to being in a friend's wedding. Sometimes I just want a little more light on the path... wherever it's going. Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?

27 Dresses

I am so going to see this movie. Next weekend. For fun. For laughs. So because I'm about to be a bridesmaid in May.

This is the dress I'm supposed to be wearing. (and no I'm nowhere near that size.) It's very low cut in the back I've been told. AND I am supposed to use some sort of whatever to cover the tattoo on my left shoulder. I'm currently at a loss for words as how to answer.

more later.

Happy New Year 2008

A Year of New Beginnings!
Chaz and Breezy are at one party and I'm at another. I'll leave in a bit and go and join them.