I get to go see Sarah Palin when she comes into Pensacola next Tuesday. I called a friend of mine on Wednesday night to tell her that Palin was coming to town and she and several other friends stood in line to get tickets. I got one!

I've been having a lot of fun with Twitter. Yeah, I know. 120 updates on twitter, 2 updates on blogger. I must admit, 140 characters from text messaging is so much easier!

I discovered House. A friend lent me the first season on dvd. Watched 3 episodes on Wednesday night and 5 episodes last night. I'm a third of the way through the season. I should finish them all by Monday at this rate. LOL

Kids are at band practice. I'm sitting at the church reading the news and will probably read a few blogs soon.

Tomorrow, Chaz will referee for soccer and I'll take Breezy to WF to let her tour the campus. Then it's off to Barktoberfest. Breezy really wants to go so we'll go.

Alabama football at 2:30 p.m. Now to find out what channel it is on.

In other things, I stuck my foot in my mouth. Nothing new I know but hey. By the time it was over, I was as red as my shirt. Pretty bad. *sigh* Yes, it was in reference to a man. duh.

Anyway, let me get to blog reading. Later gators and see ya on twitter.

hello?

It's been a while.

Summer school is over. Vacation Bible School is over (both at BAC and ESC). The kids are out at the beach with the Bloom Event that is being held for the youth.

VBS. It was good. Both of them. Chaz and Breezy both helped lead the worship portion of the daily sessions. During the BAC VBS they also were crew leaders. It is so cool to know that God is working in them and has given them a heart to minister to children. I know it didn't come from me! LOL My portion of VBS is the registration and first aid.

Since May 3rd, I've attended 5 weddings and missed 2. I'm aware of at least 3 more engagements that have occured in that time frame as well. Two of the weddings are supposed to take place before the end of the year and one next summer.

For the last couple months I have been interested in a guy at the church. He has recently come back to the church. He and I became members at the same time in '02 and he left for a season. The smile is devastating. I finally got to spend more than 2 minutes talking to him on Sunday. It was a good conversation. The subject? The defunct over 30's singles group at church and what we need for a new one. A little personal stuff about work and kids. Although there seems to possibly be an attraction, I got the impression he's not interested in a relationship. So, I can toss that to the wind. Of course, I know, it's not my timing. It's God's timing. I'm ok with that. I've been single this long, what's a while longer? I'd rather have the one that God intended for me than to screw it up again. I am teachable. It only took 3 tries to learn though. *smile*

Things have been tight around the house. No real paychecks between now and the end of August, it's real tight. The rent and the car payment is paid from my retirement check. I have a small check that comes in from some part time work. It's the electric bill, water bill, and cell phone bill that I need to come up with. Oh yeah, food and gasoline for August. Nothing too big. People tend to think I'm overly optimistic. However, I know God has provided every single year since I've been working at the school I know He'll provide again... somehow some way.

My computer is still non-functioning as well. I did 2 customer service surveys for the Geek Squad. After the first one, the manager called me and said he'd order the recovery disks for my computer. After 4 weeks, I still have not recieved the disk. I sent the 2nd survey on the 17th of this month. No response. On the 24th I emailed Best Buy. I recieved the "canned" email response saying they'd contact me within 3 days but it's now 5 days later and no word. Now to figure out what to do. My thoughts have run from contacting the channel 5 consumer department for assistance or seeing if I could start a "urban legend" all by myself. Neither ring true at the moment so I'm being patient. Out of the last 100 or so days, 42 of the days, my computer was with the Geek Squad, 30 days, my computer was not working properly, and for the last 40 days, it doesn't work at all.

I am ready to go back to work. I go back on the 13th. Breezy and Chaz on the 18th. Breezy will be an 8th grader and Chaz will be a sophmore. It is good. At the wedding this past Saturday, I was looking at a pew full of teens and realized how much I love those kids. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it. If I decide to stay with the Health Department after this year, maybe I'll see if I can move up to high school from middle school. Ya never know.

My brother will be home from Iraq for a couple weeks in August. We get regular updates through the blog that his significant other set up for him. He is safe and we are still praying for him.

Prayer. Over Spring Break, I went to our Eastern Shore Campus for a Sunday service. It was suggested that I pray Psalm 91 over my brother for his safety while in Iraq. I missed a couple days that first week but have been faithfully praying it now for 3+ months. I added my other brother, Chaz, Breezy, and my names to it as well. There is something comfortable about reading it outloud with our names in it.

Movies. The base has free matinees on Wednesdays for the first showing. The kids have seen Kung Fu Panda and Speed Racer. I saw Prince Caspian twice. I really like the movie and the soundtrack is awesome. I decided the song "This is Home" by Switchfoot would make an awesome wedding song. Guess I'll file that away for future reference.

I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known

Chorus:
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back

Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

(Chorus)

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home

(Chorus)

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home

I am thankful for my children walking with God, a home, a working automobile, friends who love us, an amazing church family, a job, sunshine and rain.

That's all for now. later gators.

catching up....

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Couple things I had forgotten to post.

1. I've been saved 5 years today. God chose me first. I didn't chose him first. I have been reminded of this in the last couple weeks and it's true. While I know I have grown in my walk with God, I still feel I am missing alot. There are things I could do to help grow more but I let time slip through my fingers way too often. Thank you God for your mercy and grace.

2. I paid off my van last Saturday. Yes, the van that was nearly repossessed in February. Got the title. Thank you Lord.

3. Breezy and Chaz will be flying to WA/OR to see their Dad and his side of the family in a couple weeks and will be gone for 27 days. In 2001, they saw their Dad in England for a month. In 2002, they stayed with my sister for two weeks. Since then, the longest I have gone without seeing them has 3 days for Night of Joy at Disney and 2 days for ATF. They spend the night with friends regularly but that's not the same. This is a major step for me. Letting them go this time is hard. They are older. They will have access to stuff I know they shouldn't be seeing or partaking of. Prayer. A lot of it. Breezy and Chaz have been praying about visiting with their Dad for years. I know because a friend of mine who works with children and youth ministry has heard their prayer requests.

4. School gets out on Thursday. I'll be out for the last week of May and go back to work on the 4th of June. I'll be running a clinic for summer school.

5. There is a teacher at the school who I think is flirting with me. You know it's been a while since I've been out or flirted that I don't realize it until I walk away and think about it for 10-15 minutes. Duh. Flirting used to be a huge part of my life before I met the kid's Dad. After we separated in 2000, it became part of my life again. In 2002, I stopped flirting. Every now and then I catch myself and think man, what are you doing?

6. I get my glasses this week! YAHOO! I'll be able to read without fighting to focus!

7. I went to the beach yesterday for the first time in years (other than church picnics). I'm not particularly fond of sand but it was nice out and the kids wanted to go. They were with the "other Deb" and she called to say she'd take them. I ended up meeting them at the base. I got some great pictures of Breezy, a few of Chaz, and some super pics of the base lighthouse. You know, the one that they no longer do tours of? I'm glad we climbed it years ago.

8. Last but not least, se are praying for a friend at our church. The prognosis is not good. We are believing for a miracle. She and her husband are children's pastors. She is a home-schooling mom. One of the sweetest people I have ever met. She is in hospice care as of this weekend. Prayer. A lot of it is needed. Her name is Nan.

Easter Egging....
I first heard the term in 1982 used in reference to trouble shooting R-390's. R-390's had electron tubes and when trouble shooting, people would often just get a handful of the appropriate tubes and swap them out one at a time. If it didn't work after swapping out tube "A" replace the original tube "A" and try replacing tube "B" and so on until you find the tube that needed replaced.

This is how I feel a lot of people go about in their dating. When you get tired of "A" or have a disagreement that you don't think is worth resolving, let's give "B" a try. If "B" doesn't work out, let's see how we get along with "C."

And so, we go through our lives looking for the "perfect" fit. Our divorce rates are at the highest ever because it's so easy to divorce and not try, to give up, to find someone new.

In case you wonder, I speak from experience...

In Feb 1982 at 18, I married Steve. Against my Daddy's wishes and with little knowledge of what a marriage required. We knew each other less than 3 months. After nearly a month together on leave (vacation in the military), I moved to Pensacola and he remained in Orlando. We rarely saw each other. After a while, I wanted to have someone around and I'm pretty sure he wanted the same. I began dating in Pensacola and I fairly certain he did the same in Orlando. In August of the same year, my Daddy filed the divorce papers for me. The divorce became final in February 83.

I continued to date until I met Mike in early 85. We married in May 85 and transferred to Guam where he was assigned to a ship and I to shore duty. He spent a great deal of time at sea. Enough time that on his visit to Australia he met a woman there. As for how I know, letters and hotel bills are not things you should bring home with you if you want to stay married. I felt like I had been given a get out of jail free card. I told him I wanted a divorce and we separated. I started dating again. The divorce was final in January 87.

In June 88, I met the kid's dad. We lived together for almost 2 years before we married in May 90. In December 90, I transferred to Japan. He followed in February 91.

Most of the time, it was good. As long as we were drinking and partying, playing games (cribbage, cards, yahtzee), things were good. We did have a lot of good times together. It wasn't all bad.

But when conflict came along, I clammed up. I'm a fight or flight kind of person. Passive aggressive in the long run. For the most part, I would hold my anger. I'll hold it until weeks or even months later, it all came boiling out. By that time, it was never pretty.

Marriages need to be built on trust, friendship, love, having something in common. When they are built on drinking, having fun, sex, etc, they tend to fall apart after a while if nothing else ever comes into the picture.

Time spent together helps build relationships. Ours? In the first 8 years of marriage, he spent three-quarters of it at sea. How we ever managed to have children is beyond me sometimes. He'd come back from sea and we'd have to start all over again it seemed. Me to get used to him being home again and not being "in charge" and "mom and dad." Him back to "responsibility" of husband and father again. It was as hard for me to let go as for him to take up the reins again.

After a while, it got old. He'd be drinking, whether to forget or to party, it was all the same by then. Me? I'd find a book, party, spend money. The spending money part always added to the fray.

Letting go and allowing someone else to help wasn't an option. I didn't know how and I don't think he did either. Counseling didn't help. You have to be willing to admit there was a problem in the first place. I knew there was a problem, I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We moved to England in June of 99. For the first time in my life I felt isolated. No friends, no transportation, two children at home who I had no idea of what to do with. I felt I was losing myself to the insanity. I slipped into depression and then bi-polar/manic depression.

I thought I could hold it together. I tried to hold it together. You can't do it by yourself. And slowly, it finished slipping away.

I gave up. I told him I wanted to leave. I told him I was taking the children with me. And we left. February 27th, 2000, the kids and I got on a plane back to the states.

I didn't look back. I was through. There had to be more than what I was living.

I can't say that it's been better all the time. In fact, things were hard a lot of the time. Things were different and strange. The divorce was final in December 2004. Just the kids and I.

As I let God come in, He has changed me, transformed me, taken me to a place I didn't know I had in me. I no longer have to be dating someone or married to someone to be complete. He is my provider. He is my strength. He has been my comfort. He brought us to a place where we are loved for who we are, not for what we can do for someone else.

He is taking me, us to a new place. And one day, He will send the right man, to be a husband, a father. Not necessarily when I feel the time is right but when He says it's right. Until that time, we are ok and that's good enough for me.

I'm through easter egging.

Edited: I attempted to email this post yesterday but it did not show up. I'm adding it with the appropriate time on it.