morning

I've been in a strange mood lately. I'd say it was depression but I know it's not that. I've been healed from that. Yah God!

It's almost like I'm stuck in a rut. Work is good but frustrating. The year is winding down and the kids it seems are losing their minds. We've been busier the last three weeks than during flu season. How messed up is that? Sometimes I think it's time to move on but I stop because I feel God was telling me in December I am right where He wants me. I am working with the kids and there are people around me who need encouraging. Sometimes the positive word that is spoken is the only good words some of these students hear. I'm standing on that.

This past week was our missions conference and it was the AFM conference. I ran powerpoint/worship for it on Tuesday night. The worship was WOW. We're singing a new song lately that is so powerful. When LA Joiner came up to speak, he started out by saying he felt God was saying that song was prophetic for his people. That alot of people are tired and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Watching but ready to give up. (I feel that way sometimes lately). He said God was saying for those holding on, the light is coming. The revelation. The breakthrough. Thank you God!

Yesterday, we had a small group get together at our house. Today is the last day of Alpha so we decided to just fellowship. It was good. Three hours of talking about different things God is doing in each of our lives and talk of how we can fall away from Him by our actions and things we thought would never separate us.

Today, pastor spoke of "Leaving Egypt." What things do we need to leave behind in order to move forward with God into the things He has called us to? What is my Egypt? Food, money, the computer. All these things pull me from God.

A friend of mine and I have been discussing a small women's group. Something crafty. Something that lets women be creative and make things that they can share with others. Whether it be a journal, a scrapbook page, a clock, a card. (Oh yeah, my latest clock is at the bottom) There are so many people who need to be encouraged. If we can help that then we're going to.

You Never Let Go - Matt Redman

Even though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught
in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light
that is coming
for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end
to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You
still I will praise You

10 on Tuesday and other stuff...

10 on Tuesday and other stuff...

 

Top 10 Things You Like to Do Alone

 

1) Surf the Net
2) Read
3) Visit Hobby Lobby
4) Visit Books a Million
5) Sleep
6) Listen to music (most of the time)
7)
8)
9)
10)

 

It's been an interesting couple weeks. 

 

My head has been hurting because my glasses prescription is seriously wrong.  I am dominate right eyed.  My left works when it chooses too.  I don't have a lot of input in it.  I've been praying for my eyes to be healed. 

 

It appears my left eye is trying to work through a totally wrong lens and in the process is causing the eye muscles to spasm.  I've been having horrible pains/aches behind the left eye for about a month now.

 

On the 12th I finally couldn't take it any more and went to the NavHosp ER.  They did a CT scan and dilated my eyes and stuff. 

 

On the 13th, I had an appointment with the eye surgeon who examined my eyes and let me know just how bad the prescription was.  He gave me a new script and recommended I see a civilian eye doctor for a prescription.

 

Bad part is TRICARE only allows retirees one eye exam every two years so I had to make an appointment with my primary care to get a referral.

 

The referral came yesterday.  It sent me to the NavHosp eye clinic.  The referral said it was a glaucoma referral!?!  I talked to the receptionist and explained what was going on.  I have to call back and see what the verdict is and hopefully they can help me.  Otherwise I have to start over.

 

Last Friday, I had a close encounter with what appeared to be a Satanist.  It was calm but shocking.  He was in the church and let fly with the "f" word in conjunction with a comment he made.  I had only been awake for about 20 minutes by then (I had just driven to the church minutes earlier).  All I could say was "excuse me?"  He repeated himself without the expletive and then began to rant.  By the time he was finished, he walked off saying he served the one true god and made some sort of hand signal (not a flying middle finger).  When I talked to one of the workers about it, she said it was a standard hand symbol for a Satanist.  When he pulled out of the parking lot, he backed into one car, clipped the bumper of truck, and then jumped a curb as he was going around a corner.  Amazingly enough neither the truck or car had damage. 

 

Our missions conference started on Sunday.  I let the kids each pick out a missionary that we will support through the year.  Chaz chose the missionary to Russia, Breezy chose one of the missionary families to Scotland.  The rest are rounded out by a missionary to Uganda, our friends who are in training to be missionaries to the Muslim nations, Dirk Wood (a character all by himself) and the couple who are missionaries to Japan! 

 

Yah!  Japan!  Finally!  One day, that's where we are headed.  My kids are warming up to the change of visiting Japan after spending a lot of  time telling me they would never go.  Breezy asked if we could take a month off and go visit Japan.  Chaz said about a month ago that he would like to go for a little bit.  That's major changes on both of their parts.  Thank you Lord!

 

They will get to see their dad this summer.  He's going to fly into Portland Oregon from England, and they will fly to Portland also to meet him.  His family lives in Oregon and Washington so they will get to see all of his side of the family as well.  They've not seen their paternal grandparents since 2000.  Their dad's mom is paying for all the trips.  They will be gone most of the month of June it appears.

 

Maybe during that time I'll get to attend the TAC conference! 

I've been having trouble with my eyes for a while. Because of it, I've been wearing my glasses more than usual for reading and working on the computer.

The last week in the evenings, I've been having sharp throbbing pains from the inside corner of my left eye all the way to my left ear. The pain has only been in that area. None above or below that would indicate a sinus infection.

Thursday night, I finally had enough. I got a friend to watch the kids and went to the ER. When I described what was happening, they had me read the basic eye chart and then did a CT scan (?!!). The results of the CT scan were clear. Nothing wrong. So, the doctor called the eye surgeon. He had them numb my left eye and do a touch test (?). The numbers on it were good. So then they dilated both my eyes to look behind them. Nothing. I left the ER several hours later with the expectation of a consult with the eye surgeon at a later date.

Friday morning on my way to work, I got a call from the eye surgeon. He would see me as soon as I got there. Dropped the kids at school, turned the keys over to my nurse and headed for the Naval Hospital.

The eye surgeon did a color test and a basic read of my eyes and my prescription glasses. It appears that my glasses are way to weak for reading/computer work. The left eye needs to be nearly 3 times stronger.

The problem is, when most eye doctors examine my eyes, they assume that because I am dominate right eyed and my left eye is so weak that I can't see out of the left eye corrected. It's like they totally ignore the left eye.

So what has been occuring is that my left eye is trying to work (as in for reading) and because the lens isn't the right strength, the muscles of my eye kept adjusting trying to get the eye in focus. This is causing the pain behind my eyes.

He wrote out a new prescription for reading/distance glasses. the easiest way (and possibly the only way) to correct my vision is for me to wear a contact lens in my left eye and then have a pair of glasses to get me to reading strength.

He also recommended I see a civilian eye doctor to get the prescription in the event I have glasses made and there is a problem.

I called TRICARE to see if I could get a new eye exam. NOOOOOOOO. TRICARE only pays for one eye exam every two years. But your prescription is good for only ONE year. Hello? Do you see a problem? They told me I would need to visit my primary care physician and get a referral.

I visited my primary care physician only to discover that he quit taking new clients five years ago and I couldn't see him. Back to the hospital I went to see the TRICARE office. They set me up with a different doctor in the same office and I was set.

Back to the doctor's office to set up an appointment for Monday so I can get a referral to an eye doctor.

Guess it was overdue. I've not had an exam in about seven years. Yeah, I know. Bad Deb.

All the time I'm doing this running around, my eyes have been dilated.

The eye surgeon had dilated them with the regular drops they use for that and then used another kind of drops to cause them to dilate even more! Before I left he told me they would be dilated for up to 6 hours. This is why I got a day off. I couldn't see the computer monitor to make entries nor read the paperwork for the kids medications.

Saturday, Chaz had a soccer game. They lost but he scored another goal for the season. He's up to 11 goals total in 4 games. He's the dude! LOL

Last night was GraceFest. We were given tickets to go but because of the weather, the kids and I decided not to attend.

Instead, we chose to go to the homeschooler's drama presentation. Afterward, as the kids talked and I talked with the other Deb, we changed our minds and decided to go.

We got to the fairgrounds around 7:25 p.m. Kutless went on stage a few minutes later. About 10 minutes into their set, the skies opened up and it poured. The band stopped playing and told us they were calling the show because we were expecting 55 mph winds and torrential rains.

It took nearly 30 minutes to get us all back to the vans. By then, we were all completely soaked through. We didn't even try to get out of the parking lot or crank up our vans for nearly an hour. There was that much traffic flowing out.

The lightning kept getting closer and closer. I know a couple times, the hair on my arms was standing straight up. Yeah, that close.

The parking lot beside the outside fence had water standing nearly a foot high in places. This was since we arrived an hour earlier! Whoa, rain!

Today was good. Sort of a lazy, windy, chilly day. We held communion at church today. The worship was great as always.

The kids practiced their drama at 4. Video'd it all on my digcam. I think I'm going to drop it to a disk to share with their aunts and uncles.

Later, time to make the coffee.

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

He is Risen!
He is Risen Indeed!

May your day be full of blessings! Most of my family will be at our house today for dinner. :o)

clock/window

Thought I'd post the pictures of my clock and window that I've been writing about.



This clock is 3x5 foot. The face of the clock itself is 2 feet in diameter. And it really works! It's made from pressed plywood so it has texture. It hangs over my living room couch.



This window hangs between my living room and dining room. It conceals the top of the refrigerator. You know, potato chip bags, boxes, etc?

Back later.

housewarming...

It was awesome. Every time God shows up is good. Yesterday was just another time God showed how good He is.

More people showed up than we expected. My sister was even here for it.

The kids had a blast playing the "moat." Chaz had his remote control hummer out jumping the piles of dirt and the moat. The kids were running around, up and down the piles of dirt and across the moat with play swords battling each other.

The "grownups" sat and talked about homes, kids and what is going on in our lives. It was just good. No other word for it. Good.

Church is good this morning. Amick led the worship. He did a new song that he wrote. First time we've heard it and wow, nothing like a little bit of power as you praise God. Pastor Ron preached this morning on God's Will and Grace. I have another visual from the sermon drawn with my notes to put to canvas/paper sometime in the future. I'm so grateful for the grace. I'm so grateful for the love. I'm so grateful for the forgiveness.

Today, our new campus in Fairhope starts. I'm praying my brother is called there. Sort of like I was called here 5 years ago. Yes, we've been at Liberty for 5 years now. It's such a cool thing. Family. Yes, family.

Ever get the feeling you are being taken advantage of? Now all I need to do is pray and figure out how to handle this tactfully.

Hm... Tactful. That word was not in my vocubulary for a long long time. I'm a little slower to speak nowadays that I used to be.

Still need to get my clock on the wall. I had a nail and hammer out this morning trying to figure out where the studs were over the couch. Would you believe that after hammering that nail in ever 4 inches or so for two feet that I never hit a stud??? I can't believe it either. Guess I'll try again tonight after church.

Tomorrow, we're planting plants at my house. A small flower bed, edging the concrete where we can get to it. Maybe shoving the dirt back into the trenches that have been in my yard for two weeks. Never know.

I found this little thingie below on another blog and thought it was neat. Added it to my NTWS profile and will put it here as well. (hopefully the html will work right)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Later gators.

ummm....

Today, I discovered that the only male I ever was a complete fool over is now registered at that Navy-type website I visit.

This would be the same male who I dreamed was dying and knew without a doubt that God was saying "you've not released him from your past."

The same male who it took several hours to write a letter to releasing years (and yes I mean years) worth of memories so I could move on.

The letter I carried for 4 or 5 months before I could burn it. And then it took over a dozen matches because the flame kept going out on the letter. *insert eye roll*

Life goes on. When I told a friend of mine, this and she said God is getting ready to do something for so much of my past to come up and need to be cleared. Amen.

I'm ready. I think!

seminar

I am a demo for Angel Company. I love the stamps. Acrylic mounting vs wood mount is the b*mb-diggity. Currently, I don't sell alot of stamps. I had been waiting until I had somewhere to give a Funshop and now have a big enough home to hold one in.

Their seminar is the end of June in Kansas City Missouri. I'm praying for the finances to attend. The total cost would be around a thousand bucks! Nothing less than a miracle would make that happen.

Can ya say a prayer with me?

YAH! My clock is almost finished. The hand and motor came in the mail yesterday. I finished painting the face of the clock and the scripture on it last night (late). I sealed it this morning. A friend of mine is going to help me get the hands and motor attached to it and hung on the wall today. It turned out so cool. Absolutely God inspired! I'll attach a picture after I get it hung on the wall.

Monday

Most of my errands are run. The electric bill is paid. The pressed board for the clock is purchased and cut to size. The material for Chaz' bedroom curtains is bought.

A trip to the commissary for basics and we're done for the week.

It's a gorgeous day outside again. The ditch in my front yard is annoying but I've still got room to put a chair out and sit and listen to the birds.

I met another of my neighbors today. She was in Texas for surgery and recovery the first two months we lived in this house. She's a nice older lady.

The neighbor to my right came over and introduced himself on Friday. He's got a big dawg that makes alot of noise when the kids and I go anywhere near the fence. He was nice and offered to help with the lawn if I need help.

Last night's small group was about the infilling of the Holy Spirit. I can't seem to get my head outta the way when it comes to this. *sigh*

Sunshine!

It's an absolutely gorgeous day. The temp is a wee bit chilly but gorgeous just the same!

Spring Break has officially started. Yah! The plans for the week? In a word, Busy!
Sunday - Church, small group
Monday - Volleyball (6 p.m.)
Tuesday - Soccer practice (5 p.m.)
Wednesday - Church (4 p.m.)
Thursday - Soccer practice (5 p.m.)
Friday - CR (5 p.m.)
Saturday - Soccer game (9 a.m.)

Looky there, I've got free time almost every day! Heh. What to do what to do.

Make my 3x5 foot clock. Yeah, 3x5 foot. It's going to have a 2' clock dial on the front, working of course. Friday, I prepared a sheet of newsprint in that size to hang on the wall and work out the design. Friday night, I did a rough. Today or tomorrow, I'll go pick up the wood to make it. I've got the paint already. The hands and motor are on order and should be here on Wednesday or Thursday. It'll be ready to hang by the weekend. When I finish it, I'll take a picture and post it.

I'm also going to finish putting away the stuff in my bedroom. Rearrange my laundry room so I can store some boxes of craft supplies until I get shelfing to put all that stuff on. Make some thank you cards in preparation for the housewarming we're going to have on the 31st.

I forgot to post about Breezy's day sick and my day off on Monday. *grin*

Normally, when Breezy or Chaz is sick, I have them stay with a friend because if I'm not working, I'm not getting paid.

However... Sunday evening, Breezy decided she had a stomachache after small groups. Of course, she had it on Monday morning.

This is aggravating to me as she rarely sick during the weekend or later in the week. Just Monday mornings. hm...

I took Chaz to school, sat down and googled "stomachache, treatment, medical." What I got was WebMD.

Serve mild foods, such as rice, dry toast or crackers, gelatin, or applesauce.

So, we left and went to Walmart because I knew I was out of rice, crackers, and jello.

She refused chicken rice soup and chicken noodle soup. She refused plain crackers. I chose the jello and let her pick the gatorade.

She slept for 4 hours (I slept for 3). When she woke up she was hungry and asked what she could have. I told her jello, it's in the kitchen. She wasn't happy.

An hour later, she asked what she could have to eat. I told her jello, it's in the kitchen. Not happy again. She managed to find a package of chicken flavored rice in the cabinet and asked if she could have it. I caved and fixed it for her.

When she finished, she asked me if she could play a Nintendo Wii game, you know, the matching one. "Mom, I only have to move my hand to point." Um..... No. "Why?" Um.... because you're sick and I told you no. "Hmph." LOL

She wanted to go to the volleyball game because she felt better that night. I told her no again. She asked "why" again. Because you were home sick and when you're sick, you don't do anything.

One of her last comments to me was "I don't like that computer and the internet because you looked this up." LOL

Wonder how long it will be before she's sick again?

Japan

I still want to go back to Japan. Some friends look at me as if I have sprouted wings or horns when I tell them this. "What is so good about Japan" they ask.

Japan, the culture, the people, the sights, the trains. Everything. I can't explain it. There is just this heart-felt desire to go back. Whether to work or as a missionary or to do both.

One of my favorite web sites/blogs is Japan Window. Every day Andy posts, he puts an image from Japan. As he's in Tokyo, I sometimes recognize what he is posting and it's good. Familiar.

One day I will scan in a few pictures I have from Japan and share here. Love it!

As for other things, sitemeter is down for sm1 which is where my counter is hosted from. I didn't realize that until today when I was scrounging around the net. Doh.

Joy

No matter what....

Over the last month or so since we've moved, I've been going through pictures from the past. As I look at these pictures, with very few exceptions, I look absolutely miserable. I mean, really miserable.

And yesterday, I was talking to a friend and said "you know, looking at all these pictures, I don't think I was ever happy." The few that I look happy in I'm playing with Chaz or Breezy, an occasional one with my ex but other than those, I'm miserable. Oh wait, then there's the happy drunk pictures or nearly drunk pictures.

And lately, as I've posted previously, I feel more joyful. And while I'm not necessarily happy, I am content, and I do have joy. When things are going all askew, I may be be sad, but at the same time, there is something in me that is still singing.

I told a friend at school that I sing because I have to. No matter how bad it is, I know that there is Someone bigger than me who has it in His hands. And while I can't see the big picture, He can. I have to chose to sing.

In October 2004, Pastor preached a sermon called "Joy No Matter What" the Wednesday before Hurricane Ivan. And then did a series on it after Ivan. It was good. Very good.

Today, Pastor Josh preached a sermon called "Happiness Theology." As he preached, the song "Joy down in my heart" came to mind. You remember, you sang it as a kid and probably forgot like I did.

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.
Where? Down in my heart!
Where? Down in my heart!
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,
down in my heart
down in my heart to stay.

And if the Devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack.
OUCH
Sit on a tack.
OUCH
Sit on a tack.
And if the Devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack
Sit on a tack today.

Anyway, I'm grateful for where God has taken me and how He has changed my life.

stamps?

If you're interested in TAC rubber stamps, drop me a line, I'll be happy to hook ya up! I'm a demonstrator. :)

this morning...

I was thinking "how cool it is that God is in the small things?" I just can't get over the fish thing. God cared enough about Breezy's fish that He had a friend pick up two and "just happen" to have them in her car for 3 hours. If He cares that much about Breezy's fish, how much more does He care about me, Breezy, Chaz, and you?

Work was good today. My nurse made a run to the school warehouse several days ago to pick out a bigger desk, bookcase, chair, and storage cabinet for our offices. It was delivered this morning. The man who delivered it was really nice. Before he left, we offered him a cup of coffee that he took us up on. Sometimes, it's just nice to let someone know they are appreciated and he did a really good job hauling all that furniture in by himself (even with a dolly).

The kids are in the gym at church practicing to be a band. They have a name. They have talent. And they want to serve. Good enough. They finally get to practice together with real gear. Cool beans.

Me? I'm going to run by the house, check the mail and go have a cup of java. Yummy.

Other thoughts...

Yesterday, I ran by Walmart and talked to the guy who does glasses. When he saw the different strengths of the lenses, he suggested a contact for my left eye to correct for distance, then a pair of glasses to correct for near. That way there wouldn't be so much disparity between the eyes. I think the thing that has had me most aggravated about my current glasses is fact I can't really read out of the left eye. My eyes don't work together. My right eye is dominant although it is the lazy eye. When I get tired of reading with my right eye, I can cross my right eye and read with my left eye. Except that the script isn't to a point where I can focus on the words. So... When I get my eyes reexamined, he suggested the eye doctor where he worked at as she's pretty patient at getting the scripts right. Now to find out if Tricare will cover it.

That's all for now. Hopefully, when I get home, my ceiling fan will be installed so I can look at the really cool blades! LOL That will also mean I have better light in the living room so I can rubber stamp too!

Ever feel like your head isn't screwed on tight?

I've been rather fuzzy-brained lately. Hard to focus. Hard to pay attention. It started about three weeks ago or so.

I can talk to people on the telephone and have no idea what was said when I hang it up. Look straight at someone talking to them and forget what I was going to say as well.

It's been crazy.

I'm still having trouble with my eyes. A friend from my Alpha class does eyeglasses and said he'd take a look at my prescription. He did that today. Recommended that I get a contact for the left eye when I get my new prescription (old one is over a year old). Then when my glasses are made there isn't so much difference between the right eye and the left eye.

I am cross-eyed. The strange part is my lazy eye is my domanent (sp?) eye. At one time I was 20/10 in it. No longer. I have to hold whatever I'm reading at an arm's length to get focused. Makes reading a book rather difficult.

And... for the first time in 7 years, no child support came in this month. It wasn't much to start with but believe me when I say we needed it. I called to speak to him and he wasn't home. So I called the place where he was and let the kids talk to him. No, I didn't ask to speak to him. I'm not particularly sure at this point what I need to say or better yet, what I shouldn't say.

One really cool thing for this past weekend. A friend joined us for lunch on Sunday. She was checking out the dresser I had gotten for Breezy the day before when she saw her fish tank. She asked where the fish were and I told her that I hadn't gotten them for her yet because the tank had only been set up the day before. She asked if Breezy would like goldfish. I said I don't know but whatever she gets has to be small. So she called Breezy and asked. My friend walked out to her car and brought in two goldfish the perfect size for the tank. She had bought them for her tank at home and decided Breezy needed them more. Now how cool is that?

So anyway, here is what I'm doing in my free time. (Gotta love the digital camera!)



The image on the front of the card is a bella. They are just too cute!



I love the reflection off of my clear tablecloth on the bottom of this. It just seems to add an etheral feel to the card. (Yeah, I'm strange.)



These are the fan blades that will soon be on my ceiling fan in the living room. All hand stamped and the background was colored with stamping ink as well.



Last but not least, this is the picture I get in my head when I hear the song "Who am I" by Casting Crowns. Love the song. This is about 15" x 10" in size. Handmade papers, wire. I cut the flowers out freehand. The wires are twisted to form the wind.

Gotta go feed the kids. Soccer practice is over for the night. Later.

cars & toothpaste

It's been a week. A very long week.

Monday, my eyes hurt so bad it felt like my eyeballs were going to explode.

Wednesday seemed like the longest day on earth.

Thursday night as I was headed to Walmart, I saw a white 'vette while I was waiting in the turn lane at a light. As the couple went through the light, the 'vette died. I waited for the light, pulled a u-turn to go back and see if I could help. They said no, they were out to test drive it when it died. All I wanted to do was cry and I have no idea why.

Friday, a dear man who goes to our church lost his battle with cancer. He battled so long and so hard. Our athletic field is named after him. His service and burial are tomorrow.

Saturday, my van was nearly repossessed. I was behind on payments and I reacted the way I normally do. If I don't know what to say or do, I do nothing. It came to a head Saturday morning. We cleaned the van completely out because I didn't think I'd have it when I got back from the place I bought it. The gentleman was really nice and I told him that I didn't call because I had no idea what to say or do. I gave him nearly everything I had left in my account and I'll go see him the next three paydays and finish paying it off. All the way there I prayed. I called a friend to have her pray as well. Nothing but the grace of God and the mercy of the owner. Thank you Lord!

Today, I came back into the bookstore and there was a tube of toothpaste (new) sitting on my counter. I remember thinking "I brush my teeth and I'm watching the words I speak, surely this must be someone else's?" Right before I left, a lady came in and said God had told her a while back to give it to me. She said she finally got around to it. As I left today, I was praying God, what is this?

A little while ago, my brother Keith came in and we were talking. I told him about the car, my eyes, the toothpaste. He said "you're being squeezed. What's coming out?" He went on..."How am I reacting to the things that God is pulling out of me? Things like the payment on the van? The head in the sand attitude that isn't helping?" And then he asked who was praying over me. No one that I know specifically. I call occasionally to Andrea or Nancy to pray but no one that I know consistently. Before he left to go to his class, he prayed over me. And all I wanted to do was cry. Still do.

Squirrels and birds...
This morning when I went out to throw birdseed for the birds, I encountered a little squirrel enjoying the remnants of yesterday's birdie breakfast.

Now I'm trying to decide if I want to feed the little birds and the lil squirrels. I need to look up and find out how to feed the squirrels without them becoming a nuisance. I'm considering buying corn and making a little holder with nails to put the corn cobs on.

As for bellas, I'm still waiting on Flowahbella and SistahoodBellas to arrive. The cards on SCS are just too cute and the thread in the forums about bellas just keeps getting longer and longer. I've been reading it on and off for three days and still haven't gotten to the end of it. What's up with that? LOL

Oh yeah... I totally missed making a post this weekend. My sister and her husband came down on Saturday to visit their son who is stationed at Corry and stayed with the kids and I until Monday evening. This is the first time she's come down for more than an hour visit since 2001. Normally, we meet at my other sister's house in lower Alabama. That sister also came to visit on Sunday and Monday (she went home on Sunday night). We played cards and sat around and talked. I took 2 ½ hours off on Monday, checked the kids out of school early and joined them in their wanderings.

I can't wait for worship this evening. I've been listening to Matt and Gabe from the last Night of Worship. It's good. Very good. Now if only I could figure out why it errors out at the end rather than repeating the entire cd I'll be set!

And do you ever feel like you've frightened someone? I think I freaked out my friend in Jax. I think he thinks I'm rather weird about God. You know, God has changed my life. Totally. My mouth has been cleaned up, my taste in music has changed (I can't believe I listened to some of the music I used to listen to in the 80's!), I'm more encouraging to those around me and a lot less negative, definitely a lot less depressed! (Read H E A L E D!!!)

Anyway... I'm off for now. I'll have to get in this blog soon and add a couple pics from the actually blogger page and add my tags as well. Later.

Easter Egging....
I first heard the term in 1982 used in reference to trouble shooting R-390's. R-390's had electron tubes and when trouble shooting, people would often just get a handful of the appropriate tubes and swap them out one at a time. If it didn't work after swapping out tube "A" replace the original tube "A" and try replacing tube "B" and so on until you find the tube that needed replaced.

This is how I feel a lot of people go about in their dating. When you get tired of "A" or have a disagreement that you don't think is worth resolving, let's give "B" a try. If "B" doesn't work out, let's see how we get along with "C."

And so, we go through our lives looking for the "perfect" fit. Our divorce rates are at the highest ever because it's so easy to divorce and not try, to give up, to find someone new.

In case you wonder, I speak from experience...

In Feb 1982 at 18, I married Steve. Against my Daddy's wishes and with little knowledge of what a marriage required. We knew each other less than 3 months. After nearly a month together on leave (vacation in the military), I moved to Pensacola and he remained in Orlando. We rarely saw each other. After a while, I wanted to have someone around and I'm pretty sure he wanted the same. I began dating in Pensacola and I fairly certain he did the same in Orlando. In August of the same year, my Daddy filed the divorce papers for me. The divorce became final in February 83.

I continued to date until I met Mike in early 85. We married in May 85 and transferred to Guam where he was assigned to a ship and I to shore duty. He spent a great deal of time at sea. Enough time that on his visit to Australia he met a woman there. As for how I know, letters and hotel bills are not things you should bring home with you if you want to stay married. I felt like I had been given a get out of jail free card. I told him I wanted a divorce and we separated. I started dating again. The divorce was final in January 87.

In June 88, I met the kid's dad. We lived together for almost 2 years before we married in May 90. In December 90, I transferred to Japan. He followed in February 91.

Most of the time, it was good. As long as we were drinking and partying, playing games (cribbage, cards, yahtzee), things were good. We did have a lot of good times together. It wasn't all bad.

But when conflict came along, I clammed up. I'm a fight or flight kind of person. Passive aggressive in the long run. For the most part, I would hold my anger. I'll hold it until weeks or even months later, it all came boiling out. By that time, it was never pretty.

Marriages need to be built on trust, friendship, love, having something in common. When they are built on drinking, having fun, sex, etc, they tend to fall apart after a while if nothing else ever comes into the picture.

Time spent together helps build relationships. Ours? In the first 8 years of marriage, he spent three-quarters of it at sea. How we ever managed to have children is beyond me sometimes. He'd come back from sea and we'd have to start all over again it seemed. Me to get used to him being home again and not being "in charge" and "mom and dad." Him back to "responsibility" of husband and father again. It was as hard for me to let go as for him to take up the reins again.

After a while, it got old. He'd be drinking, whether to forget or to party, it was all the same by then. Me? I'd find a book, party, spend money. The spending money part always added to the fray.

Letting go and allowing someone else to help wasn't an option. I didn't know how and I don't think he did either. Counseling didn't help. You have to be willing to admit there was a problem in the first place. I knew there was a problem, I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We moved to England in June of 99. For the first time in my life I felt isolated. No friends, no transportation, two children at home who I had no idea of what to do with. I felt I was losing myself to the insanity. I slipped into depression and then bi-polar/manic depression.

I thought I could hold it together. I tried to hold it together. You can't do it by yourself. And slowly, it finished slipping away.

I gave up. I told him I wanted to leave. I told him I was taking the children with me. And we left. February 27th, 2000, the kids and I got on a plane back to the states.

I didn't look back. I was through. There had to be more than what I was living.

I can't say that it's been better all the time. In fact, things were hard a lot of the time. Things were different and strange. The divorce was final in December 2004. Just the kids and I.

As I let God come in, He has changed me, transformed me, taken me to a place I didn't know I had in me. I no longer have to be dating someone or married to someone to be complete. He is my provider. He is my strength. He has been my comfort. He brought us to a place where we are loved for who we are, not for what we can do for someone else.

He is taking me, us to a new place. And one day, He will send the right man, to be a husband, a father. Not necessarily when I feel the time is right but when He says it's right. Until that time, we are ok and that's good enough for me.

I'm through easter egging.

Edited: I attempted to email this post yesterday but it did not show up. I'm adding it with the appropriate time on it.