Southern Hospitality is giving away a Silhouette Digital Cutting Tool! WOW! This is the bomb-diggity! Would love one!  My spins with the possibilities.  All those vinyl designs that I would like to put on my walls! Etching glass! Designs for cards and scrapbooks.  Whoa!  

dislike

You know how Facebook has a like button?  Right now, I'd like to have a dislike button.  I'd stamp it on the forehead of my ex.

Breezy has loved her dad although he's only seen them 2 months in the last 10 years. The first year we moved back to the states, I gave her a little photo album with pictures of her dad and her.  A couple years ago, she started scrapbooking those pictures only.  Only the pictures of her and her dad.  About 3 weeks ago, she took those scrapbook pages and tacked them on the walls around her bed.  6 pages of scrapbook pages.

She's still waiting for her dad to be the knight on a white horse who cares for her.

And this week, he blew it again.  He called Sunday.  Told her he couldn't remember if her birthday was the 12th (and had missed it) or if it was the 27th (which it is).  I thought it broke her heart.

Tonight, I said something about calling her dad for Father's Day and she said "maybe I should call him a day late."  Maybe he'd get it.  Or better yet, she is at the point she'd like to forget.  Because if she forgets she can't be hurt again and again and again.  And the knight on a white horse fades.

My heart breaks for her.  She wouldn't sit with me and let me pray for her.  And even now, I think that she is in the shower crying so no one will see.

God please bring healing to my baby.

Memorial Day

For all who have served and given the ultimate sacrifice, I salute you. To those who served and remain, God bless you for your service.  For those currently serving, my eternal thanks.  I LOVE our military!

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom, sisters, and beautiful girlfriends who are mothers.  May God tremendously bless you today for all you do for your own children and those around you.

Z's Divine Coffee

I was wandering around my twitter and facebook feeds and found alice.com.

One of the contests it is having is for a giveaway of Z's Divine Coffee.

I started my coffee drinking late in life.  Strange considering the Navy way of life includes coffee and when I retired I had only been drinking it for 2 years!

So anyway, I was reading the descriptions of the different coffees available in the giveaway and the Blue Velvet sounds yummy!  Who knows, I could start drinking coffee at home again!

My nephew came through his knee reconstruction with flying colors. Praise God!  

He was on a roll though with the one liners.

"Do you think they will give us a family discount?"  This is the 2nd time in 16 months he has had his ACL replaced in his knee and this time they had to fix the meniscus as well.  In January, my sister had to have a plate and 10 pins put into her ankle.

"Man, ice cream would be good."  When told it would probably curdle, he said "it will still taste like ice cream going in."

His recovery was much faster than last year and he was able to get himself into the car to go home and onto the crutches to get in the house this time without having assistance.  Last year, we had to half carry him in!

I hung out with he and my sister until a little after 7 this evening.  She made dinner for us.  It was yummy.

The ride home was nice.  I went through Gulf Shores on the way home and stopped at Books-A-Million to pick up the 4th book in the Dragon Series by Chris D'Lacey.  I've been reading the series from the school library.  I'll donate the book to the library when I finish it.

I'm glad to be home though.  My own bed.  Yah.

Anger and Bitterness

I tend to stubbornness.  God is working on me.  I've been hanging on to anger and bitterness for almost 2 years.  He's saying it's time to let it go.  I can't move forward with it.  I can't have true hope in Him with it.

God, I release this anger and bitterness that I have been carrying.  I give it to you.  I ask for your forgiveness for carrying it.  I thank you for redemption.  In Jesus name, Amen.

yah!

I have my computer back. Wait, you mean it was gone?  Alas, yes.  The wireless card went out on my laptop.  The tech at my local BBuy told me the computer would be gone a month!  I took my laptop home, downloaded everything off of it (just in case), and drove to the Spanish Fort BBuy on Saturday.  They told me it would be back in two weeks so I left it there.  It took 11 days for it to be repaired.  That includes the time for shipping, work and return.  Beats the heck out of a month!

EP had their band retreat over Spring Break.  It was nice down time.  The kitchen, living room and porch areas had been renovated and were lovely.  Even got to go on a boat ride to see nesting hawks.  Too bad the camera didn't cooperate.  Kids got plenty of work done.

ReImagine Warrington turned out great.  There were several bands, three or 4 dance/drama teams, food, manicures, haircuts, games for the kids, food and clothing giveaways.  What a joy to be part of what God is doing in our city.  I got some great shots using my camera.

I jerry-rigged my camera to get the flash to work.  The focusing takes longer as does the time it takes for the flash to recharge.  I desperately need to get a good working camera.  I'd really like to have something that I can change lenses on and use filters.

I'm having surgery on my left knee in July after summer school.  I have a small tear to my meniscus.  The pain is extreme some days and milder on others.  I just want it fixed before I don't have the option.  With our "new" healthcare nightmare, I probably won't be able to get it within 2 years.  Really sad.

Still loving our new church.  We've been there for 8 months now.  Time seems to be flying.  I love how Pastor J.P. starts the morning with "hello church, welcome to liberty."  I love that he prays for the other pastors in the area and for their services before we get started.  The visuals are still great and leave a lasting visual in my mind.

Both Chaz and Breezy had good report cards.  They both had mostly As and Bs with a couple Cs each.  I'm grateful Chaz is off probation for his scholarship.

Last summer, Chaz and Breezy went to the YMCA CVC camp in the Blue Ridge Mountains.  Chaz was not pleased that Breezy got to go too.  But when they came back, their relationship had totally changed.  Prior to the trip, they argued or fought about stuff constantly.  They are closer now, more apt to encourage one another.  There is still a competitiveness between them athletically but otherwise, it is so much better.  Thank you Lord for growing them both.

I forgot.  I updated my graphics with a new set from Cutest Blog on the Block.  I may leave it this way for a while.  I really like these colors.

So I sit around and play with photoshop elements when my mind is busy.  It seems so strange at times.  I know I hear God.  But two days ago, I did the flowering tree branch with "Mercy" on it. And on Sunday both at small group and church, I heard about mercy.

Sanctification has been on my mind the last week or so.  Am I allowing myself to be sanctified in Christ?  Or am I fighting every step of the way because of the hurt I've felt over the last couple years?

I almost feel as if I am regressing rather than progressing.  God, I really need to get over this place.

No job.

I'm not sure if it's my resume wasn't good enough, $12 an hour was too much, or the answers to the questions I put weren't good enough.

Or maybe, I'm not supposed to leave the school until the end of the year.

I'm sure God has some idea but I don't at this point.

carts and horses

Today, I got the cart before the horse. Not the first time but probably the worse time.

I am considering a job change. I have a bit of work to do on my resume but it will be ready to submit on Friday. I'm going to apply for 2 or 3 jobs at a local university. Administrative type positions.

The benefits, pay, and working environment are good. No shelter duty either. I know several people who already work there are love it. It would give me employment over the summer as well.

My cart before the horse moment occurred when I let my supervisor know I was going to send in several applications. I've been told that was a really bad thing to do. I think I did it more out of guilt for wanting to leave before the school year is out.

I've been miserable lately. I know I work for God. His opinion is what counts. But lately, it seems there is pretty much nothing I can do that is right. I talk to almost nothing but pre-teens all day long. I don't mind doing behind the scenes work but the last year has been rough. If I screw up, go ahead and chew on me. But when I'm getting chewed for things I didn't do, I'm kind of over it. I'm tired of pre-teen attitude, pants to the knees, and a hundred other things. And I know it's not really a hundred other things but I am tired. Probably the least appreciated job I've ever done. I truly don't feel like I make any difference to anyone there. Is that such a bad feeling? Am I wrong to feel this way?

I'm also ready to go to college. I believe I've finally got it figured out. I want to study Library Science (maybe specializing in Research) with Art on the side. I wanted to be a librarian most of my childhood. I love books, libraries and everything to do with libraries.

We'll see. So if anyone is still around, please say a prayer for me. I've been told my cart before the horse moment could be costly.

Crazy as it may seem, this song comes to mind a lot when I see frost on the ground. It's an old song. It was a number one in 1974.

Country Bumpkin
Cal Smith
Words and Music by Don Wayne

He walked into the bar and parked his lanky frame upon a tall barstool
And with a long soft Southern drawl said
"I'll just have a glass of anything that's cool"
A barroom girl with hard and knowing eyes slowly looked him up and down
And she thought "I wonder how on earth
That country bumpkin found his way to town"

She said "Hello, country bumpkin"
"How's the frost out on the pumpkin?"
"I've seen some sights but, man, you're somethin'"
"Where'd ya come from, country bumpkin?"

It was just a short year later in a bed of joy-filled tears yet death-like pain
Into this wondrous world of many wonders one more wonder came
That same woman's face was wrapped up
In a raptured look of love and tenderness
As she marveled at the soft and warm and cuddly boy-child feeding at her breast

And she said "Hello, country bumpkin"
"Fresh as frost out on the pumpkin"
"I've seen some sights but, babe, you're somethin'"
"Mamma loves her country bumpkin"

Forty years of hard work later in a simple, quiet and peaceful country place
The heavy hand of time had not erased
The raptured wonder from the woman's face
She was lying on her deathbed knowing fully well her race was nearly run
But she softly smiled and looked into the sad eyes of her husband and her son

And she said "So long, country bumpkin"
"The frost is gone now from on the pumpkin"
"I've seen some sights and life's been somethin'"
"See you later, country bumpkin"

She said "So long, country bumpkin"
"The frost is gone now from on the pumpkin"
FADE
"I've seen some sights and life's been somethin'"

God is Good

The year started most interestingly. Our church participated in Awaken21, a call to a 21 day fast for our nation, world, city, families, churches. We started with a Daniel fast but had to modify it after 3 days for various reasons. It wasn't perfect but it was good. It was the first fast for Chaz and Breezy. I think there was some breakthrough for all of us.

Chaz will turn 18 this year. He still has not gotten his learner's permit but now has extra incentive. He has been given a truck. Tomorrow, the title will be signed over to me so I can get it registered and insured. Chaz will get his learner's permit next week or the week after and when he turns 18, he will get his license and start driving he and his sister to school. I will add him to the title then and eventually, he will have the title only in his name. God is so awesome. Our friends are amazing for being willing to listen to God and give him the truck. What a blessing!

My kids have changed so much over the last year. They have such a heart for God. They started in children's ministry when they were still part of children's ministry. Now they are part of a band and have a real live album. Their cd release concert was this past Sunday and it was amazing. There are 10 young people in the band and it gives new meaning to the term "big band!" LOL They are so talented. I love these kids!

WinterJam is next weekend. We all will have the day off. We're going to sit outside the Mitchell Center all day to be sure we get in. We'll have pizza delivered for lunch. Walk down the hill for bathroom breaks. Take a football and soccer ball for entertainment for the kids. It is good. The bands? Third Day, Newsong, Newboys, Tenth Avenue North, Side Walk Prophets. It is good.

Week after next, both Chaz and I will have Ortho appointments for our left knees. We'll see what happens.

Roll Tide Roll

That was a tough game to watch. I feel bad for Colt McCoy. He's done really well this year. The Freshman QB really stepped up.

But in the long run..... Roll Tide Roll.

My letter to Fujifilm:

Dear Fujifilm,

I love my FinePix S700. Since purchasing it on March 19, 2008, I have taken over 20,000 pictures. Crazy I know.

I have several friends who purchased the same camera because they loved the pictures I took with this camera. I gave my daughter the S1500 for Christmas. She wanted a camera like mine so I got her the upgrade.

If you ever need samples, I'd love to share. There are over 3000 images on Facebook from my camera.

I do have a couple of questions though. Does the S700 have a "life expectancy?" My flash no longer pops up and when the camera is focusing I can hear it.

Thank you for making such a great product.

Pondering...

I'm been thinking on the things I'd like to accomplish in 2010. Not resolutions. Resolutions are broken so often. I'm talking about goals. I have several on my mind right now.

First, I want to get into college. I did the financial aid paperwork online a couple weeks ago. I prepared my application for the local university but have not submitted it yet. There are so many questions I have and until today I didn't really know where to go. I'm going to go the university this week and see an adviser about where to start.

Second, photography. I want to continue taking hundreds of pictures. Pictures of cats and trees, birds and window frames, adults and children, whatever comes my way that looks interesting. I'd like to be paid for the time I spend taking pictures. I often feel the pictures I take aren't good enough but lately, I'm happier with what I see.

The third goes along with the second. I wish to be fluent in PhotoShop and PhotoShop Elements. All the geeky little add-ons, filters, patterns, brushes, layers, those I want to use with an artistic eye.

Fourth, is to continue something I started this year but lost focus on. I want to continue to lose weight. I need to do this for my health, for my children, and for our future. I can do this. God is bigger than what I see here. He's bigger than this addiction to food I've had for most of my life. I can do this with his help.

Which leads to the Fifth. I want to run a 5K in 2010. Run. Not walk. No set date. Just in 2010. I've walked many 5K's in the past (mostly 1990's). It's time.

Sixth, I wish to be a better influence for my children. Is all that I do helping them? Am I walking the walk or just talking the talk? In order to lead my household by example, I have to be on the right page. Not the easy page. I've spent too many years on the easy page.

Seventh, HTML/CSS. I wanna remember HTML and learn CSS. It's time to build web pages again. Or at least my own blog layout.

Lastly, but definitely not last, where do I stand when it comes to God? There are days I feel so far away. This was a year of changes for us as a family and for me personally with God. I stayed angry most of the year at God and not particularly happy with my church family. The move we made in September to a different campus did wonders for my attitude and my growth. But I want to grow closer to God. Quiet time and devotion time have to be included in my schedule to make this happen. I have time for everything else. Why do I have so much difficulty putting time for God in there?

Friends

I remember when I used to post several times a day every day. Of course, I was bi-polar/maniac depressive and angry at everyone and everything.

I was thinking about those first 2 years of blog entries yesterday as I was talking to my nurse. I can't even read those first two years worth of entries now. They are permeated with hate and anger at my ex and the world. Profanity abounded.

I am so grateful that God has cleaned up my mouth and changed the song in my heart. You realize how much you have changed when you get hurt. You go from saying "#@$%^ @##$" to saying "poop" or something else slightly less offensive. Yes, that's what I said when I hit the metal medication cart in my office. "Poop!" I actually cut my elbow and had to have help to get the coban around it to wrap it. The kids got a laugh out of it.

Chaz and Breezy are going to watch the Bama/Gator game today. Chaz is going to one household and Breezy will probably watch it with me.

I have through Facebook recently gotten in touch with a friend from Japan. She and I went through base indoctrination at Atsugi together. We hung out every day until the hubby got to Japan and then only hung out a couple times a month. She was such a great friend. She came to visit us while we lived in San Diego and then we lost contact. We have had some marvelous conversations catching up. Somehow, someway, the kids and I are going to go up and see her in Washington State. The kids will probably go visit their grandma while we are there.

Time to get around. I have got to clean the kitchen and put away some boxes so we can put up the Christmas tree. (All the shopping for the kids was done from a comfortable chair using the internet.)

Later.

Hello Hurricane....

I bought this cd for Chaz. Love it! I particularly love the song Hello Hurricane.

Oh, I've been watching the skies
They've been turning blood red
Not a doubt in my mind anymore
There's a storm up ahead

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
Oh (my love)
Oh

Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I started building
I counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love

I'm a fighter fighting for control
I'm a fighter fighting for my soul
Everything inside of me surrenders
You can't silence my love

Oh, oh, oh

Hello hurricane
You're not enough
Hello hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
My love

It has been good. My Christmas shopping for Chaz and Breezy is finished. I have several gifts I want to get for friends and several I want to make. I want to make a couple brooches for friends. Not sure what materials yet but ideas are flowing.

Very long weekend began today. Tomorrow, Chaz, Breezy and I will head to Alabama for Thanksgiving. Friday we will go to my other sister's home for the Iron Bowl.

Things I forgot the other day...

Got a new laptop. It's a Toshiba and it's powerful. I just need to find the last graphic program disk to have all my graphic programs on it.

Work has been incredibly busy. Saw nearly 150 kids total in the last 2 days alone! I think last month set the all time record for visits to the clinic. Over 2000!!!!! Yikes!

Chaz and Breezy are both playing soccer. Last night's game with Chaz was nerve wracking. I cannot believe how poor the sportsmanship was and I wasn't particularly impressed with the ref either. I'm usually all for playing hard. But I'm of the opinion now that every now and again, the head of the referees should come watch a game unannounced so he/she can observe the calls being made on the field.

Spent an hour of Sunday evening at my 4th favorite place.... the ER with Chaz. We thought he broke his right thumb. Fortunately it's only sprained.

Almost time for me to go get the kids from youth. Have a marvelous Thanksgiving.

Today I am grateful for family, friends, my church, a job, a vehicle, a laptop, and the kids' Christmas shopping being done! I am grateful that God loves me no matter what.